SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well, i am still married but my husband and i have not had a real experience in almost a year. Just thinking about being with someone else makes me scared. I think i have come to believe that i am unnatractive. I hope that wehn i do finally get there, if i do, it is a wonderful experience.

While the ex was off with the yard boy she was telling her best friend that sex with the OM was great and the best she had ever had...

Talking about a punch in the gut... The first time was with a woman I didn't know much about and had met about two weeks before we did it...

I was nervous, excited and felt afterwards like I was trying to compete with the OM... The woman was blown away and wanted more, more, more... She ended up being pretty damn nutty so I didn't go there again after the second time...

It did boost my ego because I was dragging my dick in the dirt after the discovery and information about the A...

WB

Well during my marriage I was used to at least 2x a week. Then after D-day #2 and subsequent D, I had gone 18 months without.

So the first experience was like taking a long cool drink after walking for miles in the hot sun. It was pretty mind-blowing for both of us.

Unfortunately I wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship which is what it turned into. I wish I had just been able to mark it off as a fling.

But of the things I regret about that relationship - the physical part was always great.

NL

It showed me that my STBX really is gay.

I look at my time with G as a gift in many ways. It helped to show me the difference between a gay/bi man and a pure heterosexual man. Truly, this has been something difficult for me to understand.

We led up pretty slowly to the act itself, but then we couldn't keep our hands off of each other once we "broke the seal". My BFF said my "swagger" returned. I was actually WANTED by a man. I know understand what that means. Not pity sex, or whatever I had with STBX for 17 years. Not only that, he showed me what sex...good sex...really should be like. A connection on so many levels.

Last, it gave me something to "work with" once I ended it with G. Being with STBX for so long, my only real sexual reference was him, therefore my fantasies were him, which I hated. Now I have all new GOOD material to work with while I figure out if I want to start dating again or wait to see if G is healed enough (widower....) to start dating again soon.

I wouldn't have nsa sex, though. Not for me. I need the emotional connection.

Sex with the X was good till His EA started. Then it was, well limp. and he blamed it on me not being attractive enough for him.

Sex after D-day... was with someone who I knew before the divorce. He is one of those guys who loves sex and all it's forms. He made me feel sexy, wanted, and when we made love to each other... well it curled my toes... which had never happened before.

The relationship was NOT good but what I learned about myself was very good for me.

Dang, I was hoping that everyone would say that sex did nothing for their psyches, that it was a letdown, that masturbation was better, that it was a big mistake, that they should have stayed celibate.

Damned shit-stinking bus

One thing I remember when it was actually happening is that I didn't feel guilty whatsoever. I had been through so much emotionally over a full year that I feel like I owed it to myself to have a nice time...and i sure did. SO was the best sex I ever had. The one thing that did enter my mind was...wow...this is the first person I've been with other than WW since I was 24 years old. Where did 20 years go so quickly?

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 10:32 PM, September 4th (Tuesday)]

It made me realize that I was still able to have sex and enjoy it and not feel guilty. It made me feel beautiful and desired even if I know it was just a fling. At the time, it was the only thing I could give. It served it's purpose.

It was a great boost to my self-esteem. Did wonders for me. Helped me understand that the drought of positive reinforcement from STBXWW wasn't about me.

Boosted my confidence, made me feel sexy and desirable and all the stuff other people mentioned, after years of being rejected because XS/O was chasing everything that moved. I still remember this (much younger) man withn great fondness. He made me see that my love for XS/O really had died.

Ditto what SeanF said.

Otherwise, not a lot. I mean, don't get me wrong....it was GREAT. Awesome even. But it didn't do a thing for me otherwise. It did help me realize that I had really truely started letting go of my XWS. I think it started me thinking that I might like to try an actual relationship, not just FWB. I think more than the sex, it was just the idea that someone would like to spend time and money on me. But when that was gone....it was still just lonely. Which is also why I know it's not about having sex, or having a relationship even, it's about building myself up, healing some more, and building my OWN rich life, independant of anyone else.

But I mean..........yeah, the sex was amazing! lol.

[This message edited by Dawn4 at 3:31 PM, September 5th (Wednesday)]

I made the unfortunate decision to have a weekend fling with a 10 year old friend...who is now no longer my friend. That was a bad choice and really one of the few things in my life that I truly do regret doing.

The sex itself was okay. Would have been better if I actually cared for the person (more than friends). I was upfront with her about how I felt but she was still game. It occurred one year after we broke up and 1.5 years after Dday.

I learned that I prefer small breasts. Big breasts actually turned me off. I learned that I am just as sexually dynamic with people who are not my Ex. I learned that sex is unfulfilling without love. I learned to create better better boundaries.

It has been a little over three years since that weekend and she is still the second person I have slept with. Just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Is sex better than masturbation...hell yes. But when having sex make smart decisions. Sex is not a bad thing. Sex is a very good thing. Since sex is good..treat it as such.

Fun fact: the bus really isn't that bad...after the first 1,000 days.

Edit: Yeah...little bit of a whoopsie. Please replace "10 year old friend" with "friend of 10 years."

[This message edited by BigTeddyPaul at 7:43 PM, September 5th (Wednesday)]

It made me realize that I was still able to have sex and enjoy it and not feel guilty. It made me feel beautiful and desired even if I know it was just a fling. At the time, it was the only thing I could give. It served it's purpose.

Ditto juliette - it was too early, and not something I made a habit of, but it really did serve its' purpose at the time.

Just stalking this thread. I won't have anything to contribute for quite a while.

I made the unfortunate decision to have a weekend fling with a 10 year old friend...who is now no longer my friend.

Typo???

-t2g

It convinced me that the bathroom on a 727 has its limitations. Oh, and wine and tequila is a bad combination.

It convinced me that the bathroom on a 727 has its limitations. Oh, and wine and tequila is a bad combination.

Love this!

Ummm. Made me crave brain bleach?

I did it to 'get over the hump'. It didn't make me feel better. It made me check a 'FU, I can do that too' box. Smoking hot guy but still no 'real' chemistry.

Take your time. Trust your gut on your feelings. Some of us (gasp!!) are not geared for casual sex. Frankly, I don't even miss sex without someone I have feelings for. I have become a camel.

Take your time.

[This message edited by NoTriangles at 7:25 PM, September 5th (Wednesday)]

First sex post separation was a great experience for me.

StbxH was my first and only partner up until this recent event. Sex with stbxH was bad almost from the beginning, in our early 20s. Lots of mind games and blaming me for his lack of performance. We did not have sex for the last 4 years of marriage, largely because of me refusing. It always ended in blame and negativity and I hated it.

So, after I started dating a man that I liked, and the post infidelity hormones were in full swing, I just went for it. Wow, what a completely different experience. Fun, functional, everybody's parts all worked as they are supposed to, and everyone was happy. It is so great to know that I can really get into it, and enjoy it. I am not the frigid, erection-wilting prude I was accused of being for so many years. Also, I found that, since breaking up with this man, I am not at all devastated for having had sex with him. More like very happy to have had the opportunity to experience how it "should be." This is a new awakening for me. Hooray!!

Sigh. I hope I'll be able to answer that question some day.

Until then (channel your inner Freddy Mercury here):

Another one rides the bus.