SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

After my first relationship was gone (17 years with my first husband and first partner), it was a bit strange with a new guy....but it was also amazing, because he was so much more giving in that area. He was sweet and gentle and patient and I felt I had really been missing something, I could give TMI here but I won't, and we dated about a year.

I don't have a huge number of partners, but the only one I am sorry I slept with was the one that I posted about on here about a year ago or so. He wasn't "my type" physically and I had a hard time because he was such a nice and giving guy....and so agreeable, then he turned out to be a bit of a stalker and a nasty temper, leaving a nasty cussing message on my home phone (where my kids could have intercepted) ......now I shudder inside that I ever let him touch me. Yuck.

I hesitate to add this, but in the interest of balance.

After my ex started her affair, but before I knew about it, was the best sex of my life. I had a period during false R where I was getting/doing/feeling so much more than we ever had before - still not ideal but totally 'better'. So everything after has seemed like a let down. It's a real conundrum I hope i am able to get through.

Dang, I was hoping that everyone would say that sex did nothing for their psyches, that it was a letdown, that masturbation was better, that it was a big mistake, that they should have stayed celibate.

Here you go, O... I can say this for ya. My first (and only) sex after ex-asshat was XSO and I shouldn't have done it. It didn't feel right and I knew that but I did it anyway. It's not that I still loved ex-asshat because I definitely didn't... I just wasn't ready for sex with someone else, FWB, NSA or a relationship.

Wait until you're ready.

What did your first sex after divorce do for you?

At the time, it made me feel as though life had the potential to begin again.

I have nothing to add here as experience. Sigh..... Ons or casual definitely not for me - that was xpos's thing. Just observations about the posts.

@ BigTeddyPaul: Whew!! I'm so glad you edited. I was afraid we had a pedophile on here!

@ OIAL: You are a handsome man, appear to be fit, obviously a good father, obviously know how to be faithful in a relationship, obviously sensitive and helpful to others here. I was glad to see that you know your X's criticisms were just her, trying to be hurtful. I guess we'll be sharing the bus for a while, but know that you will find the stop to hop off when the time is right. I hope the bus stops one day for me too.

Wow, what a completely different experience. Fun, functional, everybody's parts all worked as they are supposed to, and everyone was happy. It is so great to know that I can really get into it, and enjoy it. I am not the frigid, erection-wilting prude I was accused of being for so many years.

^^this.

It is nice to have erased the very scripted porno feel of sex and to know that two people can be present in a bed together and actually be WITH each other...

Wow, what a completely different experience. Fun, functional, everybody's parts all worked as they are supposed to, and everyone was happy. It is so great to know that I can really get into it, and enjoy it. I am not the frigid, erection-wilting prude I was accused of being for so many years.

t/j: First, apologies for this. So sorry, but just my wicked sense of humor here..... Does this bring an orgy scene to mind for anyone else, or is it totally just my (maybe horny and overly-imagining??) mind at work here? End t/j. So sorry. The Devil made me do it. I promise to be good in the future if you don't throw me out!

It made me realize that my ex was totally useless, selfish and crap as a lover

I had only had one boyfriend before him... So did not have much to compare with.

My first post-sep was a relationship with a male friend who was also a BS. The relationship did not work out but we have stayed friends (never knew that was possible either!!).

He gave me back my self-esteem and confidence and showed me how great sex could be. I will always be grateful for that.

OK everyone, stop, you're hurting me

I waited with my ex until we got married. We met very young, 16 AND 19, so waiting for us was the best choice.

Now, in my early 40's, I feel differently. I have only had one intmate relationship since I left my husband three years ago. That relationship lasted about eight months. When it became intimate, fairly quickly, it was empowering for me. I realized that I actually COULD be attracted to, and intimate with another man. As much as I adored that guy, things didn't work out for various reasons, but I don't regret the relationship. Mostly I learned that I can develop feelings for another man, act on them, and that if it happened once, it can happen again.

Also, after being cheated on, rejected and just generally discarded by by ex, being WANTED by a man who was kind, good looking, sexy and wanted ME...well, it did a lot for my self esteem and reminded me that I am a woman first, and a victim of infidelity second third, fourth...

. Just thinking about being with someone else makes me scared. I think i have come to believe that i am unnatractive.

XH was a XXX (not single X, triple X) SA. I was a good catholic girl. He was my first and only for 2 decades. But I could have been knot hole in a tree for all he cared. So, my first post D experience was very frightening. He was 14 inches taller than me and had extensive dating experience. I remember the first thing that crossed my mind was "I did it!". That I am attractive enough to satisfy a different man. This was back in the initial AOL chat room days and this was just a weekend fling. The sex was not that impressive. LOL. He still emails me decades later and wants to marry me. I keep telling him never in my lifetime am I ever going to be married again. After AOL man, I quickly met FWH. The first time with him was all about emotions. I know know that sex is soooo much better with someone you have a connection with. I L.O.V.E. sex, but if I ever date again, I want to be able to feel so comfortable with him first, that we can rock each others world and not think that we're freaks.

I find sex gets better with time dating someone. I can't recall very many 1st time sexcapades with someone new that were awesome. Seems like the awesome comes with a little time and you get in a groove.

First time for me after seperation; I finished too fast well, at least she knew i enjoyed it!