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What is the definition of an Exit Affair? Thanks.

I understand it to be a deliberate attempt to sabotage the marriage..i.e knowing you'll be caught, and knowing that will cause the marriage to end.

Real nice.

Mark one has it right, but google it. There are like 6-7 different types of A's.

Of all the types, this one is the most cowardly IMO.

I don't read the definition of all exit affairs as knowing you will be caught or trying to "sabotage" the M. In our case my H's exit affair was finding a replacement for me before he ended our dysfunctional M.

ETA: I absolutely agree it was cowardly.

[This message edited by nooneeverthought at 1:52 PM, October 19th (Friday)]

This whole category infuriates me. My husband told me that was what his was...he was done with the M so he didn't think it mattered if he stepped out. Ugh, nice. And as if that's not bad enough, he's now the one hanging on to the relationship and I am DONE. I think for some waywards "exit affair" is just the excuse they use to cover their ass. "Well, I was planning on leaving you anyway..." Assholes!

This is what marriedOW had with my husband. She was distant from her husband and ready to move on. She started an intimate relationship and eventually an A. Eventually she told her husband of the A, and started to formalize her exit from M. Then came my d day. My WH was not having an exit affair. She is now soontobedivorcedOW or maybe divorced ow. Thanks to NC, I have no idea. And I really don't care to know.

IMO, the same as any other affair, since so many of them suddenly have a come to jesus moment once dday explodes and they kinda want to maybe stay in the M after all, I dunno hey maybe give me a few months to decide, I need to sort things out can we fuck every other day even though I moved out and started snorting coke through my asshole and I'm still involved in alt dot c9christmaslightsphincterfetishes dot notarealdomain and even though the OP's rectum is my headband right now while I'm texting this maybe we can work through it?

There are as many different kinds of affairs as there are people. I don't see any of them having enough logic to merit a legitimate prefix since the hallmark of an affair is inconsistency between internal logic and reality. Also I wanted to work in the c9 thing.

Mine WW did this shit too... "I figured you didn't even love me anymore, you would not care, and you would just up and leave me"... Jesus.

She had it all planned out. Fist says the marriage was "dead" two years (or "x" years ago depending on what blameshift day you catch her) ago, affair starts a year later, plans to divorce right after DD finishes HS, then run off with a-hole; me, I get the big blindside, diet of shit sandwiches, lies, omW confrontation at home, anger from her, etc... How in the hell do these crazy waywards think their grand plans are going to pan out, and still believe everyone will treat them like nothing happened???

[Quote] OP's rectum is my headband right now

Lmao.

My stbxw says it was an exit A. Feminist bitch marriage C filled her head with justifications and my heart sank just listening. What a waste of my money......sigh.

Feminist bitch

*twitches*

I bet she was just an entitled bitch instead of a feminist bitch. Feminist bitches are usually all about empowerment through responsibility and sexy punk rock hairstyles and hanging around with mutant hip-hop kangaroos.

sorry, t/j.

I know everyone else has a different view. I think exit affairs are when you really believe it is over and you find a consolation that makes it a little bit easier to get over you're ex. It does not make it more acceptable but I think it is that terrible relationship you enter into when your marriage is ending.

I think this was what my exWH engaged in. I didn't know at the time, but I think he really fell apart those last couple of years. He hid it well, but looking back and knowing what I now know, it seems as though a lot of FOO issues exploded after his mothers death. He started drinking a lot, started gambling and spending tons of money that I didn't know about. I think the A was his final way to escape the life that he no longer wanted to nurture. He too told me that he didnt think i cared about him anymore. It was as though he threw his hands up and said "fuck it.".

I will never really know for sure. He's never talked about it. He moved out before I found out about her. Whatever it was, I do believe it was the most cruel and cowardly way to leave a marriage. I was his wife and the mother of his children and it was as if i meant nothing more than the scum on the bottom of his shoe. The emotional toll it has taken on me has been tremendous.

Here is another way to look at an exit affair, (I'm not validating this reason just giving as another viewpoint) Some people are in abusive relationships and can only pull the trigger to leave if they have someone else. As in the big burly boyfriend to protect from the violent husband.

I'm not saying its right but desperate people do desperate things.

To me an exit affair is when the marriage is already over for one of the marriage partners, but they drift along until someone else comes along that they can move onto.

I have seen it happen a few times IRL and each time the BS was comletely blindsided.

Feminist bitch

You lost me right there. What does being a feminist have to do with anything? I'm a feminist and to me that means I think I'm just as a good as anyone, man or woman, and I don't think that having a penis makes someone extra special and sparkly. Does that make me a bitch as well?

My stbxwh did this, it is cowardly and extremely hurtful. He set up a whole new life with his OW, he had met her kids, my kids had met 'daddy's new friend' before he told me, and knowing this was strike 3 and he was out. She then moved over 2000km and left her children to be with him. He had a whole new life to go too. And left me to clean up the mess

tj

Feminist bitch

... too much stuff to quote...

I take that as someone who has a high degree of misandry.

I also had an MC who turned out to have such a warped sense of feminism that she appeared to place the whole "sistahood" idea as her supreme value, and all other value judgements seemed to be derived from this.

Unfortunately misandry does not have a very convenient adjective associated with it, and thus I interpreted "feminist bitch"

as an implicit single common noun rather than the more conventional adjective noun pairing.

/tj

Sometimes it may be somebody who decides to leave a marriage but won't tell their partner until they have a backup plan lined up, but I think unicorns are more common (okay, we normally call them rhinos). I mean really, my STBXWW needed to have a two year exit A? I gotta call bullshit on that idea, how long does it fucking take.

Far more common for a plain old A to be described as an exit A when it finally comes out and they have thoroughly demonized the betrayed spouse to soothe their own guilt through various delusional processes.

Very hard after the fact to determine what came first, the A or the plan to leave, though in my own case, I had managed to read her own words to friends, and in her own psuedotheraputic ramblings leading up to, during the beginning of, throughout, and after the end of the A. I can honestly say that the A came first, before any thought of an exit.

[This message edited by aesir at 4:39 AM, October 20th (Saturday)]

My definition of "Exit Affair" is "Shopping for a richer meal ticket without letting the one you've already got catch on first."

Or, Two birds in hand takes a whole lot of bush...

Feminist bitch

*twitches*

Feminist bitch

You lost me right there. What does being a feminist have to do with anything? I'm a feminist and to me that means I think I'm just as a good as anyone, man or woman, and I don't think that having a penis makes someone extra special and sparkly. Does that make me a bitch as well?

t/j

Add another one to kchip's greatest hits collection. Seems many scorned BWs/WWs around here have plenty of choice words for men.

WW refused to see a male MC. She felt like she would be ganged up on. I have a right to my opinion, especially this 'touchy' subject. Normally I have more in common with feminist than disagreements. Perhaps my choice of 'bitch' instead of MC ruffled a few feathers.