SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think the main reason I stay glued to SI is because I'm so stunned that there are really faithful men.

Just like you, in real life, I have never met a faithful man. Not ever.

I am so happy to see that they really do exist. My fWH actually didn't believe they existed either but with lots of counseling, redirecting of friends, and observant behavior he's seeing that to be true also.

Isn't that a sad state that it took me over 40 years to realize that men can be committed?

t/j - the first time I found out my fWH cheated on me (he told me he did it), I told him not to worry about it. He was afraid he had caught a STD (he didn't). I always assumed all men cheat, so I wasn't upset. I only got completely destroyed when I found out he was in an EA affair and planning on leaving me and the kids.

What a dumbbell I was.

I think people suck in general. Faithful spouses are few and far between. I don't think every infidelity is broadcast to the world. We only hear about a few of them. Nobody ever knew about my FWW indiscretions and people think we are a strong and faithful couple. We are now.

By the way look at this graph:

http://freakonometrics.blog.free.fr/public/perso5/.screenshot_01.jpg.scaled1000_m.jpg

I told my wife (jokingly) now it's my time :)

Thank you men who are faithful and continue to be so. I know there are good men out there I'm just dont have any around me, but reading your responses just now was so encouraging!

Never once have I strayed.

So all of a sudden I realized that I was making out with a woman who wasn't my wife. I said "I have to stop. I'm married. " The look on her face was unforgettable - then I woke up.

Nope, I can't even cheat in my dreams...

Well, I used to think so. I thought my husband was one of them. Hell, I am not even sure about either of my grandpas. After finding this site, I am beginning to think not. Very sad. At least I know one faithful woman. ME!

I have been emotionally cheated on in the past many times, by both guys my age as well as 2 older men who just couldn't stop talking sweetly to exes. I found out after I dumped one that he was actually betrothed to another woman. They had never met because she didn't have money or a visa set up, but it was family arranged (he was Filipino but was born here). Jesus Christ. I lost my virginity to this man too.

I joined SI after I saw a friend of mine cheat on her boyfriend. I joined preventively. I am deeply committed to my relationship and want it to work, and I want it to be free of infidelity. We have been together for 2 years but he has known me for 8.

My boyfriend is extremely faithful. I say this not out of belief or faith but because he proves it to me. He was the one who pushed for boundaries and banning double standards the first day we got together. We have read parts of Shirley Glass's book together and he agrees with it. He always asks me for my feelings on people like his friends and has cut ties with female friends without me asking because he felt they acted inappropriately.

He did used to date this one girl for a while years ago. Our friendship cooled off during that time out of respect for her. I really admired him for that, even though she liked me and did not feel threatened...I just didnt see him much during that time and it was fine. He was hit on a lot back then by female friends, his band groupies, etc. It was really cool to see him just totally blow them off and even cut ties with them for his girlfriend. I really that trait and wished my boyfriend at the time could do the same, because he would gawk obviously at girls all the time and wouldn't stop.

Now we are together and I am so happy. He never looks at other girls the way he looks at me. I like knowing that we are each others priority. He makes time for me every single day. He follows boundaries with pride. He isn't afraid to talk to me about sensitive issues. I feel special, valued, and loved.

He is truly the love of my life and I am proud to be with him and share a place with him. He deserves faithfulness for all of his days.

I think if there are any, they can be counted on one hand......

Based on the comments I've seen on this thread alone, that hand must have a lot of fingers.

My dad...he's the only one I know personally.

But a huge acknowledgement to all of you faithful men out there in SI land, and sorry that your integrity wasn't returned.

OK...I just had to chime in here. And I *raise* my hand that this applies to me as well.

This is why in most cases, not all, that a BS needs to get into IC to dig into FOO issues. You will many times find that you are attracted to a certain "type" of person whether sexually or as friends even that are people with loose boundries.

I am the most stable reliable fixer you can find! True to the core.

Prime to be picked by someone who "needs" me.

It might be that the people who cheat around you, be it men or women were picked by you! Doesn't mean you deserve to be treated that way, just sayin' that it is what you are attracted to in one shape or another.

Takes awhile to dig into that one.

I think outside of the betrayed men here on SI who have been faithful, it's pretty hard to find a man with integrity. I honestly believe men like that are the exception, not the rule.

Like you LonelyLost, pretty much every man I've ever had a passing friendship or acquaintence with over the course of my life has sooner or later let me know he was available for 'discrete fun' should I have an interest.

Blech.

They seem to come out of the woodwork with their phony baloney 'concern' when word gets out that you're divorcing. Suddenly they see you as vulnerable prey they can take advantage of under the guise of 'concern' for the poor soon-to-be divorcee.

Again - blech.

Just my 2 cents.

I was/am faithful in every relationship I have ever had. When I go to bed each nite I look in the mirror and review the day.Honor truth and dignity need to be fought for every day.

At first, I thought the same thing. Then I realized there are plenty of men here on SI going through the same things I'm going through. So my thinking changed to "Are there that many moral people in society who won't tolerate cheating?" It seems from my observation that cheating is tolerated and even encouraged and I feel the world is going down the crapper.

I finally figured out that Waywards have lots in common regardless of gender, and so do BSs. I've learned a lot reading here.

I also wonder if I am capable to attracting/being attracted to a man who is faithful. But this isn't something that I blame all men for. I'm working with my IC to figure out why I'm that way.

Thank you, men of SI, for posting and letting us women know there are decent men out there. (I hope we women are returning the favor a bit when you read our posts.) When I get down thinking of the future, I think of you guys and know there are decent men out there.

Just chiming in to say there are a lot of men that take their promises seriously.

It isn't a gender specific issue. When married men make a pass at me, I take a hard look at how I am interacting with them and become much more guarded. Had a therapist tell me when I was young and questioning why all men hit on me when we were friends, that men (especially immature men) think that if they like someone it must mean that they want to have sex with them. They have no other way of expressing their feelings and automatically go to sexual ones. They assume that if a woman likes them that she wants to have sex with him too. Those men get a really cold shoulder from me these days. At a certain age, they should have developed beyond that thinking.

[This message edited by Missymomma at 7:51 PM, October 28th (Sunday)]

There are plenty of faithful people. Now, if we can just get all our code words worked out so that the faithful people don't accidentally marry the "fidelity optional" people we'll be set.

You know, I'm libertarian enough that I'm really just offended by the trickery of it all. I feel like consenting adults should be able to have open marriages if they want -- it's not MY version of an ideal society -- but nonetheless. I just hate the "getting one over" power play aspect of cheating.

Adds another raised hand to the mix. It's already been said but infidelity goes both ways. I know it's not true but I feel like there are no faithful woman left either.

Faithfulness is the hard choice where cheating is the copout. Society today wants everything quick and easy. No one wants to work for anything. Is there even a movie or TV show made that shows a happily married couple or family that doesn't involve infidelity at some point.

Marriage isn't easy, life isn't easy but that's what I thought made it worth it. Getting through the tough parts to the other side. The weak spirited or weak minded inviduals just choose to run away from issues or to whatever makes them feel good in the moment.

At least we can say we belong to what seems to be a very small group of people that do have some inner strength and fortitude. I would like to think being faithful actually meant something but who knows anymore. It remains to be seen if we actually were the royalty in the big picture or if we were running around as the court jesters all along...