SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just don't know if I can do it.

Sometimes the only option is to walk away. Particularly when you're the only one making the effort when it requires two.

I truly think, at this point, if I were to do the 180 or demand anything - that she would simply leave me.

You may be right. In which case the reality is that she has already gone.

It's time to act in your individual best interest.

To put it bluntly, I think your wife is still fucking the OM, or if not him then someone else.

I'm sorry. I think you handled yourself well. Time to move on. If she follows then you can do it together.

I've said this twice already but will say it a third time - your MC is not helping, she is hurting.

I don't know if it even matters, but it would be interesting to know how your wife would act if you have a MC who knew how to handle infidelity. Your current MC is feeding her delusion, and she is never going to get to the right place if your MC is supporting her wrong thinking.

You are not in R. Your wife HAS to change her thinking before it's even a possibility.

I read the first half of this and shouted at the laptop - YOU NEED A NEW MC!!

I'm going to say something I hardly ever venture to do on SI - why are you still fighting for a women that won't fight for you?

I think you're fighting for what you thought you had, for what you hope you would have and for what you deserve. None of these things are actually what are happening to you right now.

I'm not saying you should give up. I admire your strength to keep going, with the resistance she's feeding you.

But you know what I really think it's worth asking yourself why you are still fighting to save something she clearly doesn't want to save too.

I think she's just afraid to call it a day - too much guilt, too much financial strife, too much hassle, too much fear? I don't know why she's not walking; but I think it sure as hell seems like she doesn't want to work at a marriage with you.

Shame, you're being really open and honest. I feel for you, I really do.

((L4J))

My wife, Oktobermest, is BANG ON.

You are clinging, understandably, to the memory of the person you thought your wife was, not the person she IS.

You need to open your eyes and ears, and listen to what is being shown you. Your wife has betrayed you. She is unremorseful. She is defensive. She is unwilling to put in the work to make you feel safe at her expense and has no problem telling you this. She is almost certainly still involved with another man. this ONS nonsense is bullshit. they are still at it I assure you.

Meanwhile, you are not only giving her a free ride for betraying you, but actually taking on guilt for the state of your relationship. How hard do you think she was working on your relationship when she was having sex with another man and whispering his name.

If you put the memory of your wife on hold for a moment, and look at what is in front of your eyes, why on EARTH would you want to be married to this person. Divorce is not something to be feared in your case. It will set you free from this nightmare. I know you are afraid. I get this, I really do. But there is nothing post divorce that can happen to you that is as bad as the emotional abuse your wife is putting you through now.

Oh, and Oktobermest is right. Your MC is feeding her fog and fantasy. Personally, I think you need to 180 and detach. If she leaves then she leaves - stop being scared of demanding being treated like a decent human being. she has you so under the collar that you are actually afraid to get angry in case SHE leaves. You have given her complete control of this relationship. she's going to rip out your soul if you don't wipe the cobwebs away and see what she is doing to you.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 1:05 PM, November 21st (Wednesday)]

Looking for justice,

If you still get these posts, what ever happened?

This a thread from November and the OP has not been here since December of last year