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So far, I've paid for three proms. It helps that I have boys but not much because the dress code is pretty strict. The one for girls is fairly loose.

#1: I paid for his tux ($175), corsage ($35), and gave him some spending money for dinner. They went bowling for the afterparty. #2 was pretty much the same. #3 he had graduated and escorted two girls from his high school who didn't have dates. He paid for his tux, corsages, somebody's mama cooked dinner, and they went bowling afterward.

RyeBread-- that is AWESOME. Talk about making a terrific memory! I hope you took lots of pictures!

My son just had his Junior Prom. He paid for the tickets ($110). I paid for the tux ($180) and the flowers ($35). They wanted to rent a limo and I said no to that expense. I did not ask his Dad for any money. I am use to it now not expecting his Dad to pay any extras.

I know if I asked his Dad (or if he did) for money to help out, his Dad would pull the "responsibility" talk out and tell him that he should save his money for those types of things.

BTW his Dad did not have time to come to the pictures, but was texting DS the entire time for him to send him the pics from his phone. These are the times I feel bad for DS. DS even commented that his aunt came for the pictures, but his own Dad couldn't. I tried to downplay that it is a "girl" thing for pictures, until he saw everyone elses Mom and Dad there.

Here in Florida at least, extra-curricular things like prom, sports, etc. are not required to be split. But depending on where you live I suppose you could have it put in your decree. I'm not sure??

When my step-daughter lived with us, we never asked her mom for money for extras because we didn't want to have to deal with her as a part of the decision making process. She pays for half - she would expect her opinion to count,as it should. We were not able to parent together at all, and it would have caused grief and angst on all sides. Of course, she never offered to pay for any extras, either.

It was definitely worth it to just do it on our own. Much more peaceful and enjoyable.

In my paperwork it has that we split extracurriculars. Like everyone else has said though that involves letting my ex have say. Unfortunately, what is covered has been vague and leaves room for argument. I now realize I messed up when I did not include the cost of car insurance. It costs over $300 a month to have my two teenagers insured and in another year I'll have another one on the policy. I'm stuck with that bill. I make my children work and they pay for much of it but it times I'm stuck with the entire amount. It really hurts.

As far as Prom, my ex likes to take the girls for their dresses but he sets a budget. He bought my daughter a $160 dress on consignment this year but I'm stuck with the $65 alterations fee, the shoes, and the hair. I will probably spend more than he did.

Right now I'm also paying for my sons class ring. The cheapest option available for a boy in a traditional style ring is nearly $200 and that's with the fake silver. I'm not going to bother asking him for half of that. My youngest is going on a $700 class week long field trip this spring. Thankfully he has to pay for half of that.

I've always been told that the purpose of child support was to cover the NCPs portion of the child's food, clothing, shelter, and utilities. It is not for extras. I think it's reasonable to expect the parents paying child support to also share the cost of extras.

I do let a lot of things go that I could probably ask him for half of. If there's a $10 field trip, for example, I just pay it.

He is now offering to pay DDs portion of the limo fee--$50. I guess it's better than nothing!

I definitely need to get the whole car insurance and maintenance for my daughters figured out, too. I will expect them to contribute but I know they won't be able to pay all auto expenses.

So much to think about..

He is now offering to pay DDs portion of the limo fee--$50. I guess it's better than nothing!

Limo??? No wonder you were worried about Prom costs. I am glad she gets to go into one, but you may want to rethink your priorities on what expenses should be taken.

If you were worried about being able to afford Prom, the limo should have been the first to go. As a girl, i would much rather had an extra 50 bucks for a nicer dress then a 30 minute ride in a limo.

My prom dress was from a second hand store, it was super neat and no one had a dress close to it. It was only about 50 bucks.

I definitely need to get the whole car insurance and maintenance for my daughters figured out, too. I will expect them to contribute but I know they won't be able to pay all auto expenses.

So much to think about..

These are things that you need to be more focused on when it comes to figuring out shared expenses with the STBX. Until they are old enough to have a job and pay for these things, this is an expense the parents need to keep.

Prom is a privilege, not a right, and while I agree its a Huge part of the high school experience, its also nothing to break a bank or a blood vessel for.

I live in a state where it's against the law for teens to drive after 11pm. The only exception is for work, and they are supposed to have a notarized statement from the boss!

So I'm actually considering urging my son to do the limo, because otherwise he will be breaking the law when the prom ends at 11pm. Now, before this law, I would have thought the limo was a total splurge and wouldn't have suggested it.

Wow. This thread is depressing. I can see that my children and I are going to have a tough road ahead of us. STBX's earning potential as an attorney is far more than mine as an editor who stayed at home for eight years to raise our children.

This is why, post-divorce, the standard of living for women goes down twenty-something percent, and the standard of living for men goes up.

I'm definitely on the minority side. We pay 50% of extracurriculars (sports and such). We always buy clothes when the kids are with us and need them. She lets them run around with holes in socks and underwear. Christmas' are separate. His ex pays for hers and I'd be appalled if she wanted us to help.

Prom is a privilege. If asked we would be pissed too but would probably contribute something. Also I nor my H would ever offer to pay for half of a vehicle, insurance for such or maintenance. Are you kidding? We pay CS and again driving is a privilege and luxury. The child should take on part of that responsibility.

I paid for my prom and homecoming dresses with little exceptions. We also shopped on clearance sales off season for good prices. Why do kids get such luxuries these days? His kids have iPhones, a vehicle to drive, flat screens in their rooms, computers, etc. she obviously isn't hurting

I'm sure I'm in the minority...

My Decree is worded so that virtually everything is divided - with the X paying 95 and 100% of many items.

But... There are things that are not rights.

Food, clothing, shelter, medical care... are entitlements.

Happy meals, rented DVD's, video games are earned.

Chores around the house, part time jobs, babysitting....those are parts of growing up. That's how all of us on both sides of the custody divide learned responsibility.

GWADW is 12 - she *earned* the last Pokemon DS game - partly by bottle returns and trading in other games, and the balance as a reward for putting in 40-50 hours in community service in sandy relief efforts.

Driving? That's down the road. GWADW is the baby of 5. They're adults. I'll only hand my car keys to one of my adult children. The others are simply not responsible enough.

Every situation & child is different.

I totally agree that prom is a privilege. But in my book so are sports and other extra-curriculars. So for me, it's logical to include prom as one of those things the NCP should kick in for.

One way to look at it is: if you were still married, would the two of you have agreed to pay for your child to go to prom? If, as in my case, you can honestly say, "Certainly" then I think the cost should be split by the parents after divorce. If on the other hand, you would have insisted that your child earn their way when your marriage was intact, then it makes sense to do that after divorce.

In my view, in most parts of the United States, driving is a very important life skill. I know a few adults who don't/can't drive, and it severely limits their options in life.

My teen drives himself to his extra-curricular activities, and I also insist he drive his younger brother to HIS activities. Driving is a privilege, but it's also a responsibility to help out with the household driving. He also drives himself and his brother to weekends with their father. I am insisting he get a summer job, and he will be driving himself to/from that.

One way to look at it is: if you were still married, would the two of you have agreed to pay for your child to go to prom? If, as in my case, you can honestly say, "Certainly" then I think the cost should be split by the parents after divorce.

That's how I look at things, and that's why I pay for things without asking the ex. He was a miserable, miserly creature who hated holidays and celebrations except for his birthday. His father and mother both sent money, and my family always bought the kids things, so me relying on him wasn't an issue, but if I had to wait for him to pay for the kids to have fun.........................................................

*still waiting*

My DS is a Sophomore but he's dating a Senior, so I get to do the prom thing early, and possibly 3 times?! He's buying her ticket too, so that's $210 for tickets alone. They are forbidden to drive themselves to prom so there is a bus or they might all chip in for a limo/party bus if the price is similar. I wonder if I should buy him a tux at a consignment shop and he can wear it all 3 years.

I won't actually ask ex for money, but when I have an idea of total cost, I'll tell him and see if he offers to help out.

He's very good about that. My 18 year old DD just needed work done on her car and when I told him about it, his response was "Let me know how much I owe you" (!!!) Technically he's done with her, once she turned 18 all he has to pay for is college.

So I don't take it for granted that he should help, but I'll give him the opportunity to if he wants. If he does, then I'll not only invite him but EXPECT him to show up for pictures and stuff.