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Regretswhatidid (original poster member #38494) posted at 1:51 AM on Monday, April 1st, 2013
Why do you only think of yourself? Where was my family and friends in my thought process? I'm seeing the full impact of my selfish actions. I can see the hurt, anger, and sadness that brought upon my son, my wife, and my family. My father in law is having to re-live and repay for a mistake that he made many years ago. My selfish actions has started a chain reaction of hurt, anger, and sadness that I never dreamed would happen. He has been here for both us and at the same time having to re-live his past mistake. I'm so angry right now at myself. How could I do this and think that it was okay. I would give anything to go back and change things in my life. How could my morales and core values get so far all kilter that I could even begin to think that my actions were acceptable?
WH: 45 SA
BW: 34 (bytheboard)
DDays: 9/3/12 ,9/10/12 ,9/12/12 ,10/01/12
,12/03/12,more TT same events 2/24/12
Currently in therapy with a CSAT.
3x ONS= 2CL hook-ups,1 on TDY
46 Craigslist Ads, AFF, chatrooms,
4EA
FUTURE ( new member #38811) posted at 1:59 AM on Monday, April 1st, 2013
I too am reaping. I can completely identify with your situation. I have asked myself the same questions and feel such shame, guilt and disgust. I have devasted my loving spouse who has loved me for 20 years. In less than 2 months, I've damaged 20 years. I am new to this site and just trying to sort things out and find ways to help heal my spouse and possibly save what's left of my marriage. I just wanted to comment on your post as I too am in the reaping phase.
BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 3:38 AM on Monday, April 1st, 2013
Did you really think that it was okay? I find that thought curious...
Welcome Future. Please feel free to post your situation. There is a lot of help available here for you. 
Regretswhatidid (original poster member #38494) posted at 7:13 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013
After thinking about it, I really didn't think that it was okay. I was only thinking about one thing and it wasn't the right thing. I was selfishly putting myself first and at the same time putting my family at risk.
WH: 45 SA
BW: 34 (bytheboard)
DDays: 9/3/12 ,9/10/12 ,9/12/12 ,10/01/12
,12/03/12,more TT same events 2/24/12
Currently in therapy with a CSAT.
3x ONS= 2CL hook-ups,1 on TDY
46 Craigslist Ads, AFF, chatrooms,
4EA
pizzalover ( member #38336) posted at 9:13 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013
I didn't think about my friends and family either. I had NO clue the devastation my actions would create. I knew my BH and my APBS would get hurt if it came out, but that apparently wasn't enough to stop my actions. I'm pretty sure I was operating in a fantasy world where I thought we would end our "relationship" before the affair would be discovered. That was completely naive and delusional thinking. It's hard to realize how far reaching the pain of my actions landed. 
Trying to rebuild each day
Me - WW 41
Him - BH 41 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats
Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09
2married2quit ( member #36555) posted at 10:01 PM on Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013
BS here. Thank you for posting this. I read it to my wife and she saw she was not alone. Doesn't fix anything or make one feel better, but knowing that others feel the same way must do something positive? She can't get over it.
BS - Me 47 WS - Her 45 ( she's a childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
She had 2 affairs with two different men.
Status: divorced.
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