SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You can read my profile for our history and the whole story.

Here's the cliff notes version:

I discovered my husband has clicked on a "free" dating site associated with a free porn site he has been looking at. I don't know if it went any further than that. He clicked on it twice 3 weeks ago and once 2 weeks ago according to the history. He filled in the part that says I am a "man" looking for a "woman" near " OUR CITY" .. I was in shock to say the least.

Can someone please recommend a legit key logger and walk me through how it works?

My problem is that my husband is an IT professional so I have to be really really stealthy and stay under his radar on his machine. I'm sure someone on this site must be an IT person, and can help me with this and I will be so grateful if someone could help me.

He has no clue I have discovered this info it was quite by accident, and I prefer to keep it quiet so I can investigate.

I am not devastated yet. He may not have done anything. I must find out though. I don't want to believe it, I want to deny it but cannot put my health at risk in case he is doing something.

All the other emotional stuff associated with this kind of behavior I can push out of my mind until I find out the truth about what is happening.

I will stay strong until I find out more. BUT If he's done this I will go nuclear on him. period.

THANK YOU!!!

I'm not too sure if I can talk to you too much about key loggers (generally investigative forum). But all ill say is eblaster by selectorsoft is by far the most popular. They are apparently very helpful.

There was a previous member on SI who chucked in some VARs (voice activated recorders). Even though her husband was actually tech-savvy enough to find the key logger the VAR helped her out immensely.

If you want to be extra careful and he has an iPhone you can buy a iPod and get his messages forwarded onto you. (Just got to make sure you deleate the text sent to his phone).

You are far smarter than me :) my wh changed passwords in April last year. I looked at key loggers freaked out and then didn't do anything. Found out in October.

Proactive is always best

Do you have access to his email?

Hi Bunnie. Sorry for the crap you are going through ATM. Sucks when you are blindsided with something like this. Many of us here can relate.

You definitely need more information. I'm not sure how key loggers work and if anti virus protection picks them up, hopefully an IT person can help with that.

I turned into a detective when finding similar things on my partner's computer. Looked very closely at the history, into all of his saved files, and even managed to restore some of his hard deleted emails. I looked through his phone history and contact lists also. I found when I confronted him, he admitted everything (which fit with what I found). Through the internet history I was able to find that he not only clicked on the sex sites, but created profiles and saw what messages had occurred on them. Have a closer look at the history.

Do you think he would come clean with you if you talked to him about it? I do agree it is better to have as much info about it first. As you say, you cannot put your health at risk, so STD testing needs to be done, regardless.

(((hugs)) to you. We feel your pain.

even managed to restore some of his hard deleted emails.

How did you accomplish this? I'd LOVE to see some of the stuff I KNOW WH deleted......

Thank you for your reply's. I don't have access to his email, and he doesn't own an I phone. He has an old flip phone. WE don't text each other we call.

I don't have any of his passwords and I have had a few twinges in my gut about his appropriateness on FB. But we have a great marriage so I always brush it off. I've been trying to crack his password but he's pretty careful about all that stuff. He keeps his email very clean, deletes everything regularly and always has. I'll need the key logger for sure to catch anything on this guy! I actually have no access to any of his phone records or financial accounts either. He and I keep separate phone bills and financial accounts. I know all the balances and where the money goes in our retirement accounts, but he has his own checking/savings/ mortgage/ and I have all of the same in my own name, we each own a house and haven't really mingled anything since we married 2 years ago. I feel getting a VAR in his car is risky, but if someone could recommend a good one that would be great, thanks so much everyone!!

@sparklingwanter I think he'd come clean about clicking on the page, because I have proof, I took pics with my phone. But if he's communicating with anyone I think it might take some time, but the guilt would eat him up and he'd come clean.

You have your work cut out for you! Get some techie to help you. Monitor his time, maybe get a GPS for his car. My friend caught her husband using the voice recorder in the car.

And so what if he discovers it?

It will open up a dialogue, hopefully!

Does he also delete his browser history? If so, that's a BIG red flag. If not, you might be able to get more information about secret email accounts, etc. Those sites usually require an email address to receive responses and many waywards set up separate accounts to hide activity.

Lay low and keep your eyes and ears open. If he thinks you know nothing, he'll slip up sooner or later.

I'm hoping there is a professional IT person on here that will be willing to help me out in telling me how I can make sure he doesn't detect the key logger before I gather the evidence if there is any, and I am praying that I am the one in a million suspicious wives that is totally wrong about this, but so far it doesn't look good. I won't be able to get anything from the past but I need to know if he's doing it now.

I can help with this one, former network admin and still work with technology everyday. (now in the entertainment industry)

Key loggers are tough, but eblaster does a pretty darn good job. If he thinks you are on his tail and he is good at IT it will be REALLY hard to catch him, Monitoring at the router level is the best here.

Lots of AV programs will catch keyloggers and if he looks for spyware from time to time you are busted. You CAN get a hardware keylogger and plug it in to his keyboard, then you could see everything he types but not the sites he visited. This is certainly a tough one.

Thank God you dropped in T!

Monitoring at the router level is the best here. How would I monitor at the router level?Does eblaster do this?

I just asked him if he ever looks for spyware on our machines and he said no cause you know if you've got it.... HA!

He has NO CLUE I'm suspicious, and would never suspect ME of being able to put a key logger on his machine, and so if he is clueless do you think I can pull it off??? He is pretty sharp, he's a network admin too

But seeing everything he types would should whether he's contacting anyone on these sites right?

How long do you have access to the computer at a time? Maybe you should call a computer techie and book a time you can bring the computer in - pay for them to look for whatever they can in the hard drive and have it back by the time he gets home from work?

Also - what I did, was I created my own profile on the site (with a fake name and email) and searched for H by city and age range....I never found him that way - but my plan was to send a message and set up a date and bust him that way...

Does he use a laptop or desktop? If it is a desktop drop one of these on the usb cable for his keyboard http://www.keelog.com/ and you are good. Just check it every few days when he goes to work. Monitoring at the router level requires lots of understand of network routing and extra equipment it would be REALLY tough to pull off without him knowing. Does he use a server at you house? How many computes etc?

[This message edited by tdreampol at 8:21 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)]

My husband is a techy....there is NO WAY I could get a key logger on without him noticing. He is in his registry all of the time and it would show up there. It depends on how much he is in the registry and "works" on his computer. I think my husband has his registry committed to memory. Be very careful. I do not have a brand to offer, I never had the courage to put one on for him.

He hasn't erased his browser history in over 3 weeks. I've looked at every history entry and every file on his machine that I could find.

He uses a laptop at home a simple HP laptop. He uses Internet Explorer and I use chrome on that machine, so I always complain about how slow Explorer is and I never use it, so he thinks he's safe. He being the IT guy takes care of all things computer in our home. We have no servers at the house just a router. He doesn't use a desktop so the USB won't work. Do you think he will detect the key logger?

Thats why a hardware keylogger is the way to go. It is not installed in the computer at all.

See this video for how it works. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6JYt5LaaS0

Second I doubt very much anyone could actually memorize their registry it is far to complex. Odd that he digs through it so much. If your SO uses a laptop than your best bet is Spector Pro http://www.eblaster.com/spectorpro.html

Man it would be hard for anyone to find that thing, and I would think it would take months for even a trained IT guy to notice so at least you could get a few months of history.

As far as internet explorer history, he most likely is using inPrivate browsing to block his browsing habits from his history. Look at big gaps in time in his history while you know he is using it. To turn it off and on click the gear in the upper right corner of IE then click safety and then inPrivate browsing and then nothing gets recorded. Chrome is a similar feature only it is called incognito. Let me know if you need more help.

@3kids30years

In Aus many people have free hotmail accounts. (I think they have just changed its name to Outlook). Anyway, when you delete an email it goes into a "deleted" folder. When you then delete from that folder the email has gone forever .... BUT there is a little message at the bottom of the page about restoring deleted emails. I managed to see SOME of his incriminating emails (about 2-3 weeks worth) through doing this.

I just asked him about his home registry and he gave me a nice long explanation about it and I asked him if he looks at it for the home machine and he said only if it is running wonky will he look at the registry to see if any ad ware attached to the items in the "run" key.

So I think I'm safe from him just looking at it at home. He said he looks at it all the time at work though. and also said it would be impossible to memorize it.

Thanks so much Tdreampol! I will check out the loggers you suggested, I want to get all his passwords and logins at these sites and capture any conversations he may be having with anyone on line. STILL praying I'm wrong, and he was just looking up additional pictures on this site. If I find nothing I'll be so relieved, if I find bad stuff, he'd better brace for impact.

I used a hardware key logger. It was half an inch long and plugged in between the back of the CPU unit and the keyboard cord. No software could detect it and if discovered it was password protected. Recorded all the keystrokes. It cost $80 on the internet. Easy as pie.

Hi Guys,

I just installed Spector Pro on his machine. I spoke to tech support and they assured me he can't find it. If he does then so be it. I can show him my concerns on the history of the porn site, dating site, etc. I want to see if he has any other activity going on IRL. Still praying I don't find anything. I'm a bit sad I had to do this to my "loving" husband. He has been nothing but wonderful to me our entire

relationship. If he's trying to date or is communicating in any way shape or form with other women in an inappropriate manner, that is going to be a deal breaker for me. If he wants to date others I will make him a free agent so he can do so. I won't deal with toxicity in my life and I see this as toxic. I'll keep you posted as to what I find. He was on the site last night and goes there every other night, but he hasn't gone to the free dating since last week. Take care and thanks to all who posted and helped me! I am very grateful.