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Well, it's looking like pervert STBX will be getting to have overnights, and that includes Sunday mornings. He does not attend church. I have been taking the kids to church every feasible Sunday since they were infants. No more. My kids love church. Their very best friends are there. No more. And no use putting them in the Christmas & Easter musicals anymore, since they won't be allowed to attend church on those days 'cuz they'll be with pervert STBX.

Right now I feel like SAHParents are screwed, and homeschoolers are screwed, and church-goers are screwed. All of these are used againt you. There is no freedom of religion in this country if you get divorced. Going to church and having a church family is a vital part of our faith. Too bad, so sad.

(((hugs)))

Having kids split time can lead to many issues especially when the parents are on different pages. I know that you are upset about how things are going. I don't know the details of his visitation to know if a switch of nights could facilitate you having them on Sunday mornings or not.

Praying for you and your kids. Hopefully the prayers will open up a solution to this issue.

The kids and I love going too. But, every other weekend they are with him. Boo!!!!!!!!!!

((Hugs))

Since my STBX was taking the kids every Sunday, I started taking my children to the Saturday night service, and my brother's family was nice enough to switch their time as well so the kids could go with their cousins.

My son will also be baptized this Saturday night, and I'm so proud of him

I had it written into the separation agreement that when the kids are with xWW that I can pick them up on Sunday for Sunday school and mass. She agreed but insisted that I cannot take them if she has plans on a given Sunday. Most of the time she is fairly agreeable with it.

We're going to ask STBX if he'll let the kids go to church w/ me if I promise to pick up & return them. I gladly will do the driving if he'll consent.

NG, I am so sorry, I know this isn't what you want. All you can do is continue to document every tiny little thing he does, and has done, anything your kids say regarding him, and build a case for the kids to be able to have no or supervised visitation only with him... you and your children are in my prayers.

I hope he agrees hun. If not, he is only taking joy away from them. As soon as they have a choice/voice they will ask to not spend time with him.

((NG))

(((NG))

I hope that he sees that he has no religious affiliation and that you are giving them something positive.

(((NG)))

I lurk daily but don't post too often. Anyhow, I wanted to encourage you.

My STBXH and I are Christians, though you wouldn't know he is by the choices he has made. He went from being a missionary and a youth pastor to a gang detective who left his family (there were steps in between, in particular an alcohol addiction, but not worth getting into at the moment).

Anyhow, we married and agreed to how we were going to raise our children. Now he is living a life outside of the church and I'm on my own in raising them with my (once our) values. I am only able to take my kids to church every other weekend. However, I refuse to let him hold church hostage. So, I now take my oldest (nearly 9) to a mid-week group (think pre-youth group) at my church, and he has since also started Awana on Sunday evenings (so I can take him to that once STBXH drops the kids off). (My youngest is 2 1/2, so too young to get involved in those things yet.)

Anyhow, my point is don't let him hold Sunday hostage. See if you can find ways to still have your children involved in church that he can't mess with.

And if he isn't initially accommodating, then perhaps your kids voicing to him that they miss their church friends (instead of you voicing it) will have some sway with him down the road.

(I have read a lot of your posts in the past, so I know that last paragraph might be wishful thinking.)

Anyhow, just wanted to encourage you and give you hugs.

(((NG)))

My ex doesn't go to church, but, his parents pressured him into allowing them to take the kids on Sundays. So, my husband and I just go to that church, I don't like it much, but, at least the kids have the stability of one place, and get to see their friends, be involved, etc.

Is there any chance someone else could convince him to let them take the kids? This is a new thing for us, it took 4 years to get to this point.

Aarrgghh!! I am super pissed to read about the overnights. WTF? Does something have to happen to these children in order for someone in a decision making position OPEN THEIR DAMN EYES?

Oh Nature_Girl, I am so sorry. You are one strong cookie and I hope you are holding up ok. I am thinking of you. Take care. Hugs and support, dmari

It all sucks, I know. One thing everyone told me and it's starting to come true is that the dad's start to back off getting the kids when the judge isn't looking at them any more. .....

So, after a couple of weekends of him doing everything,,, he may WANT you to get them on his sat night so he can go out.

Be available!!!! I never thought my husband would back off getting our children, but it's alot to raising children the guys don't see.

I freak out also when my XH has our children overnight mainly because of the OW. I am so grateful when they come home to me.

Remember you have come so far and ur WH cannot get you riled up about anything.

That is why he KNOWS he can get a reaction out of you when it comes to the children.

Vent here all you want, I do!!

Aarrgghh!! I am super pissed to read about the overnights. WTF? Does something have to happen to these children in order for someone in a decision making position OPEN THEIR DAMN EYES?

Yes. He has to actually molest them before I can stop this. In fact, even if he "accidentally" exposes them to his sick, sick perverted porn (which is far sicker than anything you've ever seen, it is so sick it makes grown men turn their heads), even THAT won't stop the overnights. It will only "reduce" his access while he undergoes mental health evaluation. Meanwhile my children will have seen images and/or videos that will never leave their minds (I know, I've seen that stuff, it's horrific and I'll never forget it) and will be subject to the lifetime mental damage you read about in reports & journals.

WTF indeed.

We're still negotiating. However, today is not a good day for me. You truly cannot protect your children. Only once the damage has been done can steps be taken. And if you're an upstanding parent who has devoted their life to the care of the children, so much the worse for you because that makes you overprotective. Even though you're not overprotective.

It sounds like it was always this way--you and he didn't agree on religion. Why would you expect him to behave differently during the D?

You have to know his motivation: Is he doing this to assert his values, however repugnant they may be to you? If that's the case, it's his right. Is he doing this to hurt you? If so, you are playing into his hands by getting angry. Is he doing this just to be a prick? If so, perhaps you could negotiate a solution by giving in on something you know he feels strongly about.

Don't expect the courts to fight this battle for you. They're not for or against religion; we do have a separation of church & state. You need to get your attorney involved, figure out his motivation and try to find a solution.

Church WAS a value of his. We attended as a family. When this all went down the pastors at our church tried to counsel him. However, they have pretty good BS detectors and saw through his lies. At that point he gave them a literal FU and stormed out. Or so I'm told. He doesn't go to church anymore.

So is church in his values? He says yes, but he does not attend.

Is he doing this to hurt me? Absolutely. One of the things he told the pastor was that he wanted the kids so he wouldn't have to pay me child support.

Is he doing this to be a prick. Yes. Because he is a prick.

homewrecked2011 -

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(((N_G)))

I hear you. I am in the same boat. My kids only go to church 2x a month and every other x-mas and Easter. I had to just accept that this is the way it is along with all the other crap I've had to accept. I hate it but I guess some church is better than no church. :(