Thanks everyone. I spoke to him again, said I could forgive him for sleeping with her, but not for lying. He still absolutely denies it. The whole condom story doesn't add up to me. He had the opportunity to do it, and I think it was at that stage of intensity. He told me the closest they had come was at the end of Oct, but they didi'nt. A whole month passed before I found out about the affair. What was happening in that time? They were totally into it by then.
He has also told me that he had made the decision to sleep with some one else while away before he left, so he was already in the mind set he was going to be unfaithful.
I have 5 pics she sent him, the last just before he went away of her vagina blrgh :(
That seems pretty intimate to me.
I am now seriously considering telling her BS. I am having a real dilemma with this. Our kids go to the same school, & this is a SMALL town.
I worry about the consequences for them, this is the main reason I havent told her BS yet.
I also wonder how he will handle it? We have kept things fairly together, and our son has no idea, other than there been some increased tension in the household.
There are also the feelings for me about what will people say (and really I shouldn't care). And my husbands shame been made public. I guess its all the usual stuff that people feel in these circumstances. I also hate the fact that she probably thinks she has gotten away with it. If my husband has been honest & not contacted her since it all came out, she will have no idea just how much shit I have on her, with the texts & pics.
Still so freaking up & down, one minute think we can get through this, the next, is he lying? Still in contact? ARGH. Just want to scream & scream.
Certainly wont be telling WH if I decide to tell her BS. have discussed with him previously, & he is obviously not keen on the idea- whole kids thing.
Told him after our discussion that I still believe he is lying.
Also discussed how he FB friended girl he slept with whilst away, so ok he said they were just friends. Then we were reconciling, him apologizing, so guilty, loves me wants me etc. As he was still lying to me at that stage about sleeping with her, I can understand he couldnt just unfriend her on fb with out me wondering why. BUT he called her after Christmas!!!!!!! I asked why in the hell he thought it was ok to have ANY sort of contact with her, when he was supposedly fully committed to fixing our marriage. He tells me there was no thought of hooking up again, or whatever, she was just nice & he enjoyed hanging out with her. WTF?
He can understand how I feel betrayed. So sorry again blah blah.
I am also finding it hard that all of these realizations are so slow coming to me.
He said often after DDAY 1 that he wished I had found out sooner- this just makes me think he has slept with that bitch. I was so like, well I know now, so thats great we can start sorting stuff out, but he was kinda repetitive with that one.
I really think I do have to tell her BS, and get this all out in the clear light of day.
Scary shit, and I feel awful & guilty that I didn't. tell him straight up, & now he will have to go through all this shit.
[This message edited by flashgirlrider at 10:22 PM, April 19th (Friday)]