Hello friends. I know I've been gone for a long time, and I have so very much to tell you.
So, where I left off I was late February, when I was still living with friends, we had begun MC, and I still had hoped for R. You may recall that D-Day happened literally days after we had booked a trip to Hawaii to visit my sister, who lives there. There was quite a bit of drama over whether she was going on the trip or not. Once SHE made me decide for her that she wasn't going, there was a whole ordeal with me having to do the legwork involved in finding out if her ticket was refundable. It wasn't.
So I went to Hawaii in March and had an absolutely amazing time. Not only that, but my sister and her boyfriend made a full court press trying to convince me to move there. I could feel the stress slowly leaving my body over the week I spent there, and the people were absolutely amazing. Friendly. As someone who's lived in Boston for the last 21 years, this was a welcome and shocking change. ;-) So I really started thinking about the possibility of moving there, and decided to give myself a deadline. Our lease is up on our apartment in September, and I decided that if I hadn't seen things going the direction I needed them to, I would break the news to her that it was over in June, and move to Hawaii. My sister says she's more than willing to let me stay with them for a while until I can find a place of my own. I could more than likely continue to do my current job from there, as I largely work remotely as it is. My sister's boyfriend also seems quite confident that he could find me work as well. All the pieces seemed to be coming together... it was hard to ignore.
So, as the plane is leaving Honolulu to head back to LA, I jokingly text my sister "Do I really have to leave?" She says "Now's your chance! 
". The plane takes off, and an hour into the flight, someone unfortunately got very ill, and we had to turn around and head back!! Then, the next morning, on my flight to Boston, I'm flipping through all the TV channels on the plane, out of all the movies in the world to be on, right then... it was "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Which is a film about a bad breakup, and finding love again IN HAWAII. I literally said "Really, universe? It seems you're trying to tell me something. 
So back to reality in Boston. I hadn't decided until I got home whether or not I was going to try moving back in, or going back to stay with friends. I decided to give moving back in a shot. Which has been pretty difficult at times.
All the while during MC, at no point did she actually take ownership of the A, and continued to blameshift, deflect, and employ all the usual denial. Oh sure, she said the WORDS about taking ownership for her actions and decisions, but the emotions and actions never matched the words. We got into some of the meat of the problems with our M, and I was absolutely open to admitting some of the very real communication issues we have, and some other issues I have that adversely affected our M. But she continued to try to shift the focus to me, and the "things I did that were a contributing factor" to her having a 5 month long A with her coworker. She has still absolutely refused to consider leaving her job. Nor have her absolutely insane hours abated in any way. Just this Tuesday, she was at work from 8 AM to 2 AM. When she's not physically AT work, she's at home on conference calls. Her precious job continues to dominate every aspect of our lives, and her consciousness, leaving little room for R.
Even the M counselor finally came around to seeing the total disconnect between her words, and her emotions and actions.
So fast forward to last Friday. We live about 6 miles away from Watertown, MA. As you all know, basically the entire city was on red alert/lockdown while they searched for the suspects. I woke up that morning, and was watching the news, I said that there were things that I had seen before I went to bed that didn't seem to make sense in light of what the news was now reporting. She proceeded to get VERY angry with me and start a fight... AS SHE GOT READY FOR WORK. I asked her what could POSSIBLY be so important that she just HAD to be there today. She said she had two "presentations" to give. So we argued, and I finally said she should just go to f***ing work. then after she got texts from both her mother, father, and brother begging her not to leave, she magically decided to stay home. So that made an absolutely insane day even more tense.
This Sunday, based on some strange feeling I had, I checked her ipad, and I found in the sent messages an email to OM, with an IMDB link to the movie "Secretary", with a comment about "here's the movie I was telling you about". Now, if you haven't heard of this movie, it's a story of an intensely psychosexual relationship that develops between a man and his secretary.
At that point, I decided I could no longer stand the utter disrespect, clear violation of the (very loose) terms of NC that she had agreed to (since she refused actual NC, the parameters were "No personal contact outside of work, regarding anything other than work matters".
I told her last night that I can't do this anymore, and what I found. She immediately said I didn't have the "proper context" for that email, and kept pressing me on what "I can't do this" means. She of course made me say the words that I can't be in this marriage anymore the way it is. Undoubtedly so she can tell everyone that _I_ am the one that wants D.
We argued more, and she packed a bag, and left for a hotel.
Sorry for the novel, but so much has happened.
[This message edited by CuckoldedinMa at 1:55 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]
