Hi, Heartbroken. All the welcome and sympathy.
What you're describing sounds like my last year. Definitely rug sweeping, like NeverAgain said.
The reason you go back to that surge of anger is because he's triggering you. That blaming you and refusing to acknowledge that your feelings are every bit as real and valid as any "effort" he's making shows that, nope, he's still not taking responsibility for what he did. Not really.
I think there's some element of playing to the crowd, covering his public persona to show "Hey, look, I'm a decent guy" while still maintaining the ego, the blaming, and the self centered source of perspective that got your marriage to the spot it's in.
In other words, false reconciliation. He's sorry he got caught, not that he did it. BIG difference. And one, obviously, you feel.
Full transparency is so important because it's a gigantic measuring stick for them owning up to their choices, the ramifications, and that nothing is more important - not safety, not image, not pride - than mending the injury they've done you. If they won't commit to that, they're not committing to you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's the plain truth.
So much of dealing with an affair is having to realize that the commitment you made was not returned. What was important to you, wasn't important to them. There's no miscommunication. There's no misunderstanding. They chose that.
Now, what is he choosing? Is he really choosing you?