SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

DD told me today that she walked with her brothers to the bus stop. They leave earlier than she does for preschool. When the bus came to pick them up, she was by herself (DD is 4 1/2). She told me that a "lady she didn't know" helped her to cross the street-- I think it's a grandmother who lives on our street and watches her granddaughter-- and then DD walked home alone. I asked her, "Was Daddy watching out the window for you?" She told me that he wasn't, and that "he was upstairs" (doing what, I don't know... fortunately, I have all of my important documents locked up). This happened at my house-- he watches the kids in the morning because I have to be at work so early. Fortunately, this arrangement will end at the end of this school year.

Am I crazy in thinking that he was being very neglectful? The bus stop is about half a block up the street, so it's not super far away, but I don't think it's okay for a 4 1/2 year old to go unsupervised, walking home alone and having to cross the street by herself. Thankfully, the stranger that she encountered was a kind one who helped her cross the street, and nothing bad happened, but I'm wondering if I should say something to STBX or just keep this to myself unless it happens again. Am I overreacting and being too overprotective? Please be honest. I would have no problem letting my older sons walk up there and cross the street, but DD is still pretty little.

I don't have children but I completely agree with you that she is too little to be out by herself! I don't think you're overreacting one bit.

Kids get kidnapped out of their own front yards these days.

Hell no you are not overreacting. OMG! What if that lady hadn't been watching out for her? What if she got distracted and lost? Or wandered into the road? What of someone saw her,a little girl all alone,and took her.

I would go batshit fucking crazy if anyone did this with my child.

I don't think it's okay for a 4 1/2 year old to go unsupervised, walking home alone and having to cross the street by herself.

I agree. I wouldn't let my 5 year old do that.

What was STBX doing that he couldn't walk DD to the bus stop and be there when she got dropped off??? At least be standing in front of your home watching for her. Can you ask your sons how things played out this morning? Why STBX wasn't there? Not sure how I'd approach STBX, but something needs to be said. This is not acceptable.

No you are not overreacting.

I have a 5 year old and there is no way in hell I would let her walk half a block away by herself. There is no way in hell I would let her cross a road by herself.

This is absolutely shocking. Quite frankly the most shocking thing I have ever read on SI.

You are not overreacting. I have a four-year-old son. I would never do something like that. It's irresponsible and doesn't meet the smell test of any kind of common sense. I would be livid.

It's wrong on so many levels. Just to pick one, a 4 1/2 year old cannot cross a street by themselves. Not safely. How fast is an approaching Porsche coming at you versus a Prius, for example. Come on.

You know what's safe for your kids. You really don't need to second guess yourself. HE is the one that needs to second guess himself.

Definitely not OK. Whatever WH was doing sure as hell shouldn't be more important than watching the youngling. I would say something to him in writing, make sure there is a record of the incident and his response to it. Do you trust him not to do this again? The school year is almost over but do you really want to chance this happening again?

You're not overreacting. These are your babies and STBX doesn't seem to have them as high on his priority list as he should.

~Larry

Hell NO you are not overreacting!!! 4 1/2??? Crossing the street??

Holy Mother of God. What the HELL was he thinking???

This is just plain dangerous.

Dude needs to be fired. He's obviously NOT doing the ONE JOB that he's there for.

There is NO WAY in hell that I would trust a pre-schooler to cross a street alone in a safe manner. Heck I won't even let my 13 yr old use the oven if I'm not here.

Definitely say something and tell that idiot that it better NOT happen again!

This is 1000% not ok.

One additional thing, though: I'm also trying to figure out how a school bus driver would drop off a 4 1/2 year old with no adult in sight. I'm sure you've already thought of this too, but a call to the school is definitely in order.

She told me that a "lady she didn't know" helped her to cross the street

What if it hadn't been some "lady", but some pedophile instead?

Hell no, I wouldn't let my 4 1/2 year old walk home by herself. WTF is wrong with that guy?

It is time to find alternative arrangements in the morning because he is clearly not capable of properly taking care of the kids. You are not crazy and you are not overreacting.

I did not allow my DD to walk to/from the bus stop alone until she was in 3rd grade. Granted it was further than 1/2 block but it was in an small neighborhood cul de sac.

I think you should also talk to your kids and tell them that DD is not allowed to go to the bus stop with them unless there is a parent or caretaker with them.

Hell, no!!!

Not over reacting.

My girls are 9 today and there are 2 of them (twins) and I might consider letting them walk home.... next year.

4 1/2 is way, way too young to be out unsupervised.

What an asshole.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 1:45 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]

Today would be the last day he watched the kids. I'd take the rest of today, tomorrow, and however many other days off from work until I secured adequate childcare for my children. Done. He's fired!

Just to clarify-- the bus driver is not at fault. DD doesn't go to school with the boys (not until next year). In fact, when she is in K, I will have to be at the bus stop after school to meet the bus, or they will not let her off; that's school policy. She was with the boys just for fun-- she walked there with them not to board the bus, but to watch them get on.

I'm going to talk with the boys about what went down and see if the grandmother turns up at the bus stop this afternoon. I'd like to hear what she has to say as well. I am not staying silent about this-- I just want to make sure that I have the story straight before I confront.

I'm sure STBX probably had to call his schmoopie on the phone and wanted DD out of his hair. Unbelievable.

My older granddaughter is 14 and they live in "Mayberrry, NC".

They live about 4 blocks from the school and my daughter still does not allow her to walk to school.

Your STBX deserves an ass chewing!

Not much surprises me on these boards anymore and gets me riled up, but this did.

NO - you are not overreacting. That is way too young. Make sure you do it in writing so you have documentation. And I would personally have made alternative arrangements for the rest of the year. If I remember correctly, you've had other issues with him and this arrangement as well so its time to figure something else out.

I sent him an email that documented my concerns. He told me that he wasn't sure if it was okay, but he thought she might be old enough since it was just a few houses up the street. I told him no, unequivocally, and he agreed and apologized.

He just has no clue. I'm the one who has raised them pretty much on my own. That's why being a single parent really hasn't been much of a change for me. He honestly has no idea how to deal with kids-- he pretty much mimics everything that I do, only now, I'm not around for him to copy. For once, he had the chance to think on his own, and he blew it. I can't wait to see what other lapses of judgment he shows when it comes to our kids in the future. His hasty marriage to the OW will certainly be the next one.

I was an incredibly relaxed parent, and I'm shaking my head about this. Lapse in judgment?? That matches the 'I made a mistake' description of infidelity. He is an unfit parent.

Oh Christ. You mean the idiot that pontificates about how *you* are causing the children confusion because you tell them age appropriate truths let the 4.5 year old walk out the door with her brothers? She must have been gone at least 10-15 minutes. He didn't notice the 4.5 year old was fucking missing?

Fucking fucker. The thought of Teslet in that situation (also 4.5) makes my blood boil. There's some stellar parenting right there. Ugh. I need to punch your stbx in the face for being so utterly incompetent.