SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What do you do if the OW is married?they say the WS affairs down.

My WH was in a LTA with a MOW. I've seen a few pictures, she isn't extremely ugly, but neither is she attractive. My WH affaired down FROM me because quite honestly, I am well-educated, pretty, kind, generous, a good mother, have moral standards and quite frankly, while I'm not perfect, I am so far the opposite of the MOW who was on her 4th marriage, worked minimum wage jobs, had her body covered in tattoos and piercings (nothing wrong with that, but again, opposite of me) and who had cheated in every single one of her relationships and took her daughter along with her on her dates with my husband.

I don't know if he affaired down from himself though...in my mind, I might have married down. Harsh but true.

Being Married does not keep them from "Affairing Down" this just means they frequently choose an AP that is not nearly the quality of person their spouse is.

This can go from looks, to finances, to smarts, to morals.

In my case I would say he A'd down because even though she was wealthy, and good looking and had a nice little trust fund, she was a sick manipulative individual who was happy to cheat on her spouse over and over and over. She was a WACK Job.

From a different perspective...my WW is the OW to a MOM. She is attractive, smart, and fun to be around. HOWEVER!!!!...she is a train wreck in the emotional maturity department. She likes to view herself as a victim, blames everyone else for her poor choices, has a prescription drug dependancy, and takes zero responsibility for herself. From the outside looking in she is great. But living with her is a nightmare. Hence we are divorcing.

If you haven't already you may consider approaching this OW's betrayed husband. If he doesn't know of the A he should probably be told. Just something to think about.

My fWH has actually evolved enough to comment that he may have been attracted to the OW's insecurity, since he was hiding insecurity himself. Normally, IRL, he likes strong, independent women (like me!).

Course he "chose" her because she made herself available. Said he wouldn't have dated her if he was single and if he had gone out looking felt like he could have done better. She was convenient.

Until the "crazy" came out to play, then there was years of hell to pay.

Oh well, you play, you pay!

I still can't wrap my mind around being tossed over for a bunch of AFF skanks.

From what MC says, they chose those of lesser quality than their SO, to build up THEIR self esteems, has nothing to do with us. I was shocked, upset, hurt, and jealous that I wasn't some ghetto loser like the OW my H chose. At that point in their lives, they couldn't get a gem like all of us BS's.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:42 PM, May 10th (Friday)]

The MOW was attracted to your WH because she recognized he was a broken man with no moral character - that is affairing down. Why else would someone risk losing a loyal devoted spouse? It's easier to recognize when the AP is ugly, or a bum, or a drug addict. But there's many factors to consider when looking at the "affairing down" equation.

In my sitch...

The man that had the EA with his drug-addicted, mentally ill, uneducated, low-class, tattooed whore is not the man I married NOR a man who is in my league. Anyone who found that appealing, would not be in my sight line for a date let alone a relationship. As I explained to H. You meet a woman - she's attractive, and funny - then you learn she used to fuck goats. Would you pursue her? He laughed and replied no. I said - COW is a goat in my eyes - she is sooo far beneath me - so how can I respect you? Theres obviously something very wrong with YOU that you wanted to risk US for that broken piece of shit. If he had remained that man - I would've hightailed it out of here. But that broken creature is gone and no one else is going to have the man my H has become.

So yes - MOW affaired down as did your WH. Hopefully, he's becoming the man who deserves to be with a loving woman like you!!!