SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Mother's Day is strange.

On one hand, it's my day, as I'm a mom (and a bitchin' one at that, if I may say so) but then it's also real weird for me to 'celebrate' my own mom; whom I'm totally estranged from.

My sister also has this strained relationship, but sees our mom more (Bless her heart!)

My sis called me tonight with a recent 'mom stint' where our mom tried to humiliate my sister at a church event this past weekend. Sis handled it well. Even family was sinking into the floor like no way, not here...no, no, not now?!

We just think W.T.F.?! We are now in our 40's, why still?!

But I did flowers.com my mom a bouquet anyway.

*sigh*

Right there with ya, sister! My mother is the poster child for NPD. I struggled for years to have a relationship with her. While pregnant with my youngest, it finally dawned on me that me and my kids don't need this toxic presence in our lives. Haven't had any contact with her in 13 years and don't miss it. My siblings, on the other hand, keep trying and keep getting kicked in the face. Oh well, at least they are still in her will. Hope the drama will pay off for them eventually, but I have a sneaking suspicion she'll do something like leave all her money to charity as a last FU to them.

On moving home, I noticed my sister seemed to be close to my mother. I tried harder to make sure *I* was doing *my* part to have a good relationship. Last time I talked to her was on her birthday maybe 4 years ago. I brought her a gift and stayed to chat. She complained, groused, criticized and belittled other people, and got in her digs at me, too--how I deserved someone's cruelty toward me.

It was the last straw. I simply never called her again. No yelling, no announcements, just didn't pick up the phone again. She has never called me since that day, which clued me in big time, too, to what things really were between us.

She has repeatedly accused me of being a liar over the years. People come to me and tell me the untrue things she's saying about me. The most recent I heard was that she's telling people (presumably regarding XWH) that I have a big imagination.

Who's to say why people are the way they are? I believe she is broken from years of being in an abusive marriage. She has chosen to stay married and be bitter and try to turn people against my dad and his entire family. At the same time, my dad is no angel, and I suspect I've been branded a liar because of things I saw and TOLD when I was very young. It was easier for her to call me a liar than to face the truth and becoming a single mother.

I pray for her and I keep my distance.

I haven't heard a word from my mother since August of last year at the beach. I have not contacted her either. Reasons being:

1. The very hurtful thing she and my sister did regarding the beach vacation. Oh - and the fact that she lied about it to me.

2. When my son was in the hospital for two weeks last May, my grandmother was at my mom's. They were an hour and a half away, and couldn't come see the Bunt, because she "couldn't see him like that" - yeah... playing basketball and TRYING to have a great time, feeling great - but having to sit and do IV meds every so often. Oh, mom... you poor thing... sorry I tried to subject YOU to spending some time with your 5 yr old hospitalized grandson. (she never came - never has - he's been in four times so far).

3. At the beach, knowing my daughter was going through withdrawl (and she's a recovering addict herself), never told me, but "helped" my daughter by giving her more pills - Ativan.

4. Never once following up regarding my daughter's health and progress. She has her cell phone # (see above).

Fuck her. Blood doesn't mean everything, and if you haven't guessed - she's not hearing from me this Sunday.

However - I will be having a nice day with my children

[This message edited by stupidstupidme at 9:56 AM, May 10th (Friday)]

I looked at this title and thought - I AM a weird Mom.

Hopefully not the same kind of messed up as your Mother, but weird in my own wacky way!

Happy early Mother's Day!

NL

I have a dysfunctional mother- toxic, so I keep her at a safe distance. It's really hard to find a greeting card that works.

My mother passed away when I was a baby and I was raised by her mother. So my crazy is grandma. I’m fairly certain she is BPD. It could go either way, but I'm really dreading Sunday.

Earlier this week she asked me for money for Mother’s Day, "she really needs money and youngest son refused to help." Okay fine, the rest isn’t really my business, but her gift can be cash. Then she asks my sister, to borrow money and told her she would pay her back with the money I was giving her for Mother’s Day.

I called her yesterday to firm up plans and she said just bring a gun and shoot her in the face. My SO suggested I spray her in the face with a water gun. I’m tempted.

I also find it very tough to find a card for my mom. Most of them say things like, 'thanks for being a wonderful mom, thanks for always supporting me, being there for me, etc.'

They just don't apply .

So I find the most generic one and send it.

I have always felt disappointed on Mother's Day for one reason or another. It's kind of like New Year's Eve for some people, too many expectations. Today I saw a woman buying a Mother's Day card for her daughter and I thought, now wouldn't that be nice, to be acknowledged by my mom for being a good mom. Never happen.

Now on Mother's Day I reflect on my children and the gratitude I feel for having them in my life.

My mother wasn't toxic really, she was just... absent.

I was made a ward of the state at her request when my dad died. During the following 11 years, I saw her for perhaps 4 months total. This includes the very few vacations I spent with her and the reunion weekends. During the last two years, I didn't see her at all since she'd moved halfway across the country. She didn't even acknowledge my graduation.

She had her issues of course and I used to resent her putting me in the care of the state but now I understand why she did. I don't (didn't) know her well enough to hate her but I didn't know her well enough to love her either.

Yes,

Self absorbed is the words I use to describe her. She visits me regularly- I take care of her great granddaughter and it bothers her that the kid likes me (And DD-baby mama) better. she just walks into the house, announcing that she is here to see the baby.

It's getting old real fast. I don't want anything to happen to her... but I don't want to deal with her every single day either.

Mother's day cards... I just get the ones that say 'Happy Mother's Day' and sign my name.

I wish I could go back to having a hallmark relationship with her... cards and no visits. With DGD here it isn't likely.

Hugs, and Happy Mother's Day to the mommies.

K

Add me to the list with a completely self-absorbed mother who sees herself as a perma-victim.

She's also been an WW/OW as long as I've been alive.

I haven't sent her a Mother's Day card in over a decade. We barely speak (I call once a month to make sure she's ok). She only calls when she needs money or to complain about something- never to speak to two of her grandkids, so the lovey dovey Hallmark thing doesnt work for me either.

Now I just make the obligatory phone call and go about my day. Luckily, my kiddos will "spoil" me and I enjoy spending time with mother-in-law who is a lovely woman.

My mom *sigh*. When she was good, she was wonderful, but now I realize that was just her codependency and people-pleasing nature. She's always had low self-esteem; my aunts confirm this. She thinks she's ugly and she loves telling me that unfortunately I take after her. I disagree

My father was considered quite a catch, and I think she felt so flattered that he wanted to be with her. He turned out to be an alcoholic, and that's when the victim attitude started.

She never gave out praise, preferring to be negative, and now that's her permanent personality. She can't (won't?) make friends, yet she complains bitterly that she has no one. She won't even pick up the phone to call anyone-especially her kids. It's really sad.

I have spoken to my mother less then six times since April 2008.

I don't miss her at all.

She is toxic and more toxic.

She still sees my son because my spineless jellyfish of an ex-POS maintains a relationship with her... because "It's important for DS to know his grandmother"

Since he takes him to visit on his visitation weekends I can't do a lot about it.

Anyway... I have zero contact with her.

I don't send cards.

I have a "weird" Mom in the sense that she is 70, has 2 tattoos that she only recently got, smokes and drinks and has spiky gray hair.

But WS's Mom was weird.

No Mothers Day card applied because none of the sappy sentiments were true.

She wasn't the best Mom ever.

We had to cut her toxicity out of our lives to save ourselves.

So I see and know how difficult Mothers Day can be when you have a toxic Mom.