SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I received an email this morning from the OW.

I had no intention of EVER contacting you again. However, you've made this necessary. The below was brought to my attention by my FATHER yesterday afternoon. MY FATHER!

I'm sick over what has gone on. You say I"m not remorseful - I am. You say I'm callous and mean - I think the same things of you - any sympathy I had for you has gone out the window after seeing this. Not that it's your concern, but to set the record straight - Yes, true I was still married when this started, but I was in the process of divorcing and for the majority of the time I was separated and living alone. You posted as recently as two weeks ago that I had/have a boyfriend. NOT TRUE. If you continue to monitor my texts and emails, you are misconstruing what you read and are oblivious to me begging off every invitation, and everyone. I'll probably NEVER get involved with another man for the rest of my life.

What happened is over. Let it be over. Stop punishing everyone involved - you make things worse...don't you see that?

I can't change what happened. I can't. I'm sorry. You tell me what you need me to do to make this better for you...I'm at a loss.

I cannot remove this posting - but I am asking you, begging you, to remove it. As a mother, think of my girls if they were to see this. I'm sure you are relishing the fact that I had to explain this to my father, if it was your intention to humiliate me - mission accomplished - but my girls are young and would not understand.

Your life is not a POS. You have everything. Everything. Please stop this and forget about me. Please.

Do I remove it?

Do I use it to extract information from her? (I know there is more that WH hasn't told me about, I just quit asking because it doesn't make a difference, I got the important pieces I needed)

Do I apolgize?

Does she get crickets?

I am very torn. Part of me feels horribly guilty for hurting her father. But then I read her attempt to ask me to remove it and she STILL doesn't get it and will NEVER get what she did to me. She just tried to contact WH 2 weeks ago via linkedin. She talks about her girls!! What about mine and the possibility of their family being completely torn apart??? She acts like she's the victim in all of this....

There's part of me that says "good"!! finally some accountability to someone about your actions. Someone that matters to her, she had to explain herself to them and show some humility and remorse.

Advice? thoughts?....

Please remove the listing. Believe me, I understand the desire to expose her and I get it, I really do, but she's right that her kids could find it or, even worse, their friends could find it and taunt the children over it. Yes, she is 50% responsible for the A but her children did nothing. Protect her children just as she should have protected yours.

[This message edited by PeaceLove187 at 8:39 AM, May 13th (Monday)]

I wouldn't remove it. I would just have a good laugh and give her crickets, but that's just me

So sorry your actions had consequences you stupid bitch.. NOT!

You don't know her father actually saw it and told her.

Why in the world would he have?

Ask yourself that question.

AJ's MOM

Why is her father trolling cheatersville? I wouldn't remove it. I didn't remove my posts on another site after ex OW found decided she would read my thoughts and whine to mutual acquaintances. I didn't use her name or mine. Do what you feel is necessary for you to heal. Her children are her responsibility and she should have considered that when she put them in a position to find out.

That's why I'm torn. I posted the information in a moment of rage. I confronted her via email and she showed absolutely no remorse towards me at al. (the dialogue is one of my older post).

All I ever wanted was an apology. some accountability. and some consequences. I think explaining her actions to her father are about as good as it's going to get. I got to watch the Karma bus!

But I don't want to hurt her innocent kids. They just went through a divorce and their mother is a whack....

Do not remove it. Why in the world would her children visit cheater vile? She is using them as an excuse which is despicable. Se is not truly worried about them but herself. If she was such a doting mother she would not have done what she did.

I wouldn't remove it.

I did something similar - but posted her on a website where it CAN'T be removed!

And one day - she saw it.

She was absolutely LIVID. …and she told my H (they were still working together at the time) that if her kids saw it (kids are 20something) she’d make sure OUR kids knew about it too.

My H was very upset – that she'd tell our kids – he didn’t DARE get angry at me about it – in fact, I had told him in a fit of anger what I’d done months prior to that – so I don’t know why he was surprised – but anyway – I simply said to my H – guess what? I don’t care about her threats to tell our kids….if we have to tell them…we tell them ….

Consequences suck..don’t they.

And you’re right..she STILL doesn’t get it – she thinks is ok to still be trying to contact your husband? I’d leave that damn thing up forever.

[This message edited by LivingALie at 8:48 AM, May 13th (Monday)]

As a mother think if her girls see it? Really?! How about she worry about her own girls and not mess around with married men? Consequences....too many people are so used to getting out of them.

Why is her father trolling cheatersville?

This is my question.

To be frank with you, as a fWS I think that its a valid punishment for their crimes as WS's and OW's.

She shouldnt have been sleeping with a married man....welcome to cause and effect lady.

and Chef - you can removed it if you want to. But only remove it when YOU are ready to remove it...i wouldnt remove it just become an OW told you to.

My first thought:

What the hell is her dad doing on the cheaterville site?

As for your posting and whether to leave it up or take it down. I really don't know.....

I would not respond or acknowledge the email.

I would remove it or at the very least stop updating it.

She is not your problem - WH is.

This makes her seem relevant and important. She is not.

She could post things about WH for your own children to see.

That would stop me in my tracks. Yes, they will know the truth one day but they don't need a TMI blow by blow account nor do they need to accidentally happen upon it during a google search of their father.

There are consequences for her actions - absolutely. Let the universe sort her out.

You need to remember there are also consequences for your actions.

Stop making her so important. She is not the enemy here. Your WH and his fucked up brokenness is. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else.

She didn't use witchcraft nor does she have voodoo powers. She was just the lowest hanging fruit to your WHs own low hanging fruit.

The best revenge is your own happiness. Genuine happiness. Revenge happiness is a poor substitute for the real thing.

I'm a madhatter, but I had a thought that what if she puts your husband on Cheaterville?

Both people involved in your husband's affair were married, and she could just as easily post to that website as you did.

It's not likely that she would do this, but anyone can.

You can't make her get it, you can't make her get what she did to you, that's what she has to do all on her own (or not).

You might reply to her that if she EVER tries to contact your WH again, you will repost the profile. That neither one of you want to hear from her. Better yet, make your husband send that reply, along with a strongly worded NO contact included.

Good luck!

My thoughts?

She wants you to think of her children...when she did not think of yours.

Who gives a fuck that any sympathy she had for you is gone? Fuck her. She had an affair with YOUR husband. WTF is SHE to feel sorry for YOU?

Boo-hoo..she'll NEVER get involved with another man again. WTF cares,as long as he's not married?

Oh yes..YOU make everything worse...for HER. Affairs have consequences..this is one of them.

She wants to know what she can do to make it all better? Tell her when she can unfuck your husband,you'll consider it better.

Um...yeah...didn't YOU feel humiliated by the affair.

Leave it.

Never heard of Cheaterville so i just HAD to check it out

MY WH is not listed on the site but searched for once, that was me i guess

But OW has been searched for 7 times, lol

Dont remove it, dont respond, she cheated with your WH, she needs to own it, she may be just lying and trying to guilt you into deleting it, too bad so sad

Maybe she should have thought of that before she cheated

p.s. Her Father could have found it when googling his daughter's name, assuming Chefj9 used the OW's full name on Cheaterville.

I know she is an adult, but I google my kids names every once inn a while, to check what's on the internet.

Stop making her so important. She is not the enemy here. Your WH and his fucked up brokenness is. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else.

She didn't use witchcraft nor does she have voodoo powers. She was just the lowest hanging fruit to your WHs own low hanging fruit.

It appears this was not your husband's first rodeo. Going after the OW (even if she did try to make contact or is not remorseful) is like spraying perfume on BO - it does not take care of the problem. And the problem is your husband.

I'm going to be the odd woman out apparently...

I would remove it. IMO, if you are in R with your husband, at some point you have to accept the situation and move on. You know that she saw your post, even if there's no real proof that Dad saw the post. If the A is continually brought up in a non-productive way, it's only going to delay the healing process for you and your marriage. Giving her too much headspace and not focusing on your WH/M will also delay the process.

I do understand the urge to post on that site. I almost did it too a couple of months out from DDay 1 when we were separated. But, I tried to remember that there really was no point. They (WH and OW) still would not "get it". They would only be concerned about how it affects themselves. My revenge was letting him go and building a life for myself.

We are now reconciled. My kids knew about his A last year when he moved out. They know who, how long, basic details. But I don't want them to find out the gorey details on a website like that - whether we reconciled or divorced. He is their dad.

Just my opinion, but I would remove it...

Crickets.

If she didn't want her daddy knowing she fucks married men then maybe she should not have done it.

To clarify. WH knew I posted it months ago. I honestly never thought anyone we or she knew would actually see it. I told WH about her email. He thinks her sister found it and shared with her dad. Apparently the 2 do not get along and the sister would love nothing more than dirt.

For the record, I have been working on NOT focusing on her. My WH has been my focus , I totally hold him accountable and he is 100% remorseful and doing the work on himself as he can. He's dealing with a medical condition right now that has slowed us down, but there's no back sliding.