SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I posted part of this in a response on another thread, but just had to share the conclusion I came to:

STBXWW spent 17.5 years ignoring everything about me, while I convinced myself I was desperately in love with her.

Before we were married, when we were travelling in the car, she would sing "You Are My Sunshine" to me. She would hold hands at every opportunity, and loved kissing and cuddling. Whenever we had time together, she would plan dates for us. i reciprocated with all of this, and was just so happy to have someone to love. Once the band was on her hand, all her effort came to a grinding halt.

Now she's wooing OM in the same way. He is also a musician (like me), also has ADHD (like me), works in IT (like me), and has family issues (like me). Anyone see a pattern? He is, however, extremely unattractive (totally unlike me, thank you very much!).

Back when he and his now ex-wife were neighbours, STBXWW hated him. She couldn't stand when we hung out with them, or that he and I would get together to jam once in a while. I know, right? She may have been protesting too loudly.

So, when I first found out she was banging this guy (after I moved out), it hurt like hell. I eventually got over this, but then found out that they were actually dating. That hurt even worse - sobbed until I could hardly breathe.

This all kind of pisses me off too, because as we were separating she was telling me what her counsellor had said: Neither one of us should date for at least a year, to give us time to mourn.

She told me this several times, but is in a relationship with this uglier, crazier ME!

As I was just thinking about this however, that's where I saw the compliment: She lost me, but couldn't wait to start up with someone similar. I was so damn cool, that she had to run out and find someone just like me.

I'm so cool!

That's right man...you are cool. don't forget it, even if she did.

I was hurt when my ex started dating right away, in fact he moved a new women in 2 months after he moved out (not the OW). But it made me feel so much better when I kept hearing about how he traded down.

I take that to mean I am hot...lol. :)

Bro, she says shit like that to continue having control over you. A year to mourn my ass. My XWW had an A with her GF husband. The same drug addict, prostitute using, wife beating POS she used to bad mouth at every turn. I found out about that A after we S/D because she was having another A with one of her bosses. When she could deny no longer her only response to my question of why was to say I don't know. You need to understand that they are consummate liars. They can smile in your face, claim they love you and go behind your back and screw the most disgusting, vile creatures god created. In my opinion its another power move on their part. If the AP is feels they are beneath the WS chances are the attention and validation is that much stronger. Its not about the sex. Its about power, attention, validation etc. Sex is just the price paid for what I just mentioned. Your best bet is to go NC and heal yourself. Let life take care of your WW. And trust me it will. My XWW has not had one single valid relationship since we S/D. She has on the other hand had many affairs with MM. Usually lasting a few months till the dude gets his sexual fill or she gets on their nerves. Today I look at my XWW with pity. She is fighting a losing battle with age. And her looks will not last that much longer as she is 48 and time and her lifestyle is catching up to her.