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Sex without a date

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osxgirl ( member #8795) posted at 2:35 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

I can tell you, I'm not sure which is worse.

I have no idea how much or what kind of "dating" my X and the OW did.

What I do know is they somehow thought it appropriate to go together to services at the church my X and I attended. She was a "friend from work" (they did NOT work together - they met because of ads on "married but looking" newsgroups) who was looking for a new church and came as a guest with my now-X to check out ours. They did this once when I was out of town and a second time when I was actually at church. He managed to keep her from being too near me the entire morning - only possible because I play keyboard in our band, and so I spent most of the service up on stage and away from him/them.

So... in some ways, I think them not dating at all would have been preferable. I am long past it - D'd, on my own for a couple of years after that, and now re-married to someone else for going on 6 years now. But that is one that still makes me - that they had "dates" going together to the church my X and I attended (and got married in, and where my X was baptized...)

posts: 2832   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2005   ·   location: Maryland
id 6375127
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Daysie ( member #38873) posted at 2:47 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

No - my WH went to her home for sex when her BH was out. Also the first time they had sex together her husband was sleeping on the couch. My sick WH and him had been out and BS had had a bit too much to drink.

Sick people to do this and risk getting caught. Amazing what people will do for a shag

Me BS 56
Him WH 56
M 36yrs
A 32yrs ago with my then BF
DD 1 / DS 1
Who is this man ??????



posts: 85   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6375131
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Want2help ( member #20547) posted at 4:49 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

She slept with him the first time she met him. No, no dates. But, once I kicked him out and he moved in with her, she did loan him her car and he took other girls on dates.

FBS/WS- me.
F(serial)WS/BS- him.

Madhatters. More Ddays than birthdays, at this point. His OC, my OC...

UPDATE: Divorcing after almost 20 years.

posts: 2588   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2008
id 6375184
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Kierst13 ( member #39197) posted at 6:55 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

Yes, he dated her. Took her to plays, out to dinner and lunch, to sporting events, you name it. She was by all accounts his girlfriend and he treated her "well".

She is a whore. Dates or no dates, she is a whore. She is a whore because she fucked a married man.

In my youth I had ONS from dance clubs, but I am not a whore or a slut or any other colorful name. I asked if they were married and checked for signs. Sex with no dating does not make a woman a whore.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

posts: 347   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2013
id 6375282
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Garnet ( member #39070) posted at 7:09 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

No dates!! Dates were sex and blow jobs in the back seat of her clown car!! Pathetic whore with no self respect!! Btw my husband told me it was lame!!!!! Hahaha makes me laugh!!!

Garnet☀

posts: 84   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2013   ·   location: MA
id 6375296
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Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 8:43 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

I never wanted to know this much, but he lives there and has for some time, so I imagine they probably have a "whole life" together? It's hours away from DD and I, I'm told and he made pages on the web full of OW's tribe and OW junior.

What I don't understand is how they could think of themselves as a "family" when he was married and she knew? OW Junior also knew we are here and suffer and apparently has a "relationship" with him?

I would almost rather there were no dates because it may seem less planned on his part?

Did OW's know your WH's had a spouse?

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

posts: 3034   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: New England
id 6375366
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Garnet ( member #39070) posted at 8:47 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

Yes she did!! We all went to highscool together and me and H have been together since we were 17 & 19!!!! She could of cared less!! LOSER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!

Garnet☀

posts: 84   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2013   ·   location: MA
id 6375369
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Sal1995 ( member #39099) posted at 9:09 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

For the life of me why would you sleep with someone who has not taken you on a date?

I'll ask my wife, she's been a "booty call" twice in her life that I know of. Once with someone before we even met (I didn't find out until after we were married - it would have given me pause if I'd known that before proposing), and as recently as 4 months ago with her AP.

Classy babe I married, huh?

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 3:10 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

BH
Reconciled

posts: 1995   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2013   ·   location: Southwest
id 6375388
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Jospehine85 ( member #35971) posted at 11:08 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2013

WH never took MOW out on a date.

The first time they hooked up, WH didn't know her name. MOW propositioned him on the way back to the hotel after a group went out drinking together.

The in-person part of their relationship consisted of only a hand full of days at a work conference. They would go out for drinks with a large group of people at the end of each conference day. Drink until they were completely toasted and then go back to their room and have drunk sex.

In between the conferences, they saw each other only on skype.

She dumped her husband for that. Unbelievable.

Me - BS
WH - old
Kids
Dday May 2012

posts: 1598   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2012
id 6375455
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painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 2:48 PM on Sunday, June 16th, 2013

they somehow thought it appropriate to go together to services at the church my X and I attended.

what? Unbelievable! So twisted. I think people go to hell for things like that.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 8:48 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]


D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

posts: 7192   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2010   ·   location: Coastal South
id 6375931
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movingforward13 ( member #38405) posted at 7:30 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

Mine took his AP on dates... Ruth Chris, Hibachi, museums.... They were very much in a relationship.

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

posts: 683   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2013   ·   location: DC
id 6377200
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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 7:36 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

Nope. Met online, first time they met up was to drive out to a field and have sex in the middle of the day. The rest he'd call and she'd drive to his house for sex. She was just a booty call for him, he'd call and she'd run over to his place to be his sex toy. Still don't understand how anyone would let themselves be used like a free hooker, but apparently there are tons of them online. My wife was just one of many that he was using.

Married: 27 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5890   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 6377210
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easiersaid ( member #38398) posted at 8:37 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

This thread made me feel better. My WH didn't date, just meet and fuck. He looked for married women he knew from long ago (thanks, Facebook) because he thought they would be safer. Isn't it fun to have to rely on your charm from high school to pick up unpaid hookers at 40? Now that I think of it, he was an unpaid hooker too! One of the hardest parts of all of this is realizing how many fucked up people with no souls are out there.

Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2013
id 6377312
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easiersaid ( member #38398) posted at 8:42 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

This thread made me feel better. My WH didn't date, just meet and fuck. He looked for married women he knew from long ago (thanks, Facebook) because he thought they would be safer. Isn't it fun to have to rely on your charm from high school to pick up unpaid hookers at 40? Now that I think of it, he was an unpaid hooker too! One of the hardest parts of all of this is realizing how many fucked up people with no souls are out there.

Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2013
id 6377318
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2oldforthis ( member #19825) posted at 8:43 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

Yes, no dates. It was a here I am let's do it and I am out of here.

She begged WS to take her someplace he adamently says he told her, No.

He did not see what he had in me, what I saw in him I did not have!

Love kills slowly.

posts: 1794   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2008
id 6377320
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naivewife ( member #38375) posted at 8:53 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

No, he just screwed her in her cave - I mean, bedroom, or she'd stop by his workplace and give him a blow job. Once she paid for them to stay at a B&B because they couldn't go to her house because her mother (WH's psychiatrist) was home at the time. A few times they went to the dump together. One time she even gave him a BJ on a pile of garbage in the back of her car because she was on her way to the dump. Oh, the romance.

D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

posts: 342   ·   registered: Feb. 6th, 2013
id 6377338
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Jospehine85 ( member #35971) posted at 9:44 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

One time she even gave him a BJ on a pile of garbage in the back of her car because she was on her way to the dump. Oh, the romance.

unbelievable.

Of course my WH told his AP that she should consider a career as a phone sex operator. She didn't seem offended. And he seemed serious.

Me - BS
WH - old
Kids
Dday May 2012

posts: 1598   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2012
id 6377390
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savvy ( member #39102) posted at 9:49 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

No dates with my h and Ow either he would go to her house and screw around. She has a 10 yr old and a 16 yr old and they would be home .... Great example setter she is...not. She is nothing but a slut

me-BS (52).
2 children 24 and 23
Together 33 years divorced one year
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

posts: 135   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2013   ·   location: connecticut
id 6377392
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somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 10:06 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013

..

..they both know what their reasons and motivations were, and it had nothing to do with a 'romantic' date!!!

.. smy

trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!

posts: 6080   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2009   ·   location: Ontario Canada
id 6377416
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fourever ( member #30631) posted at 1:57 AM on Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

Oh yes, they were so in love that when he traveled to her city, she came (literally) for lunch or between meetings then pulled those panties up and went home to her husband.

Ain't love grand! Wow.

In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!

posts: 917   ·   registered: Jan. 4th, 2011   ·   location: Northeast
id 6377656
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