SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This one is interesting and rings some bells for me too, especially with my 1st H. I have tried 3 times to write out the details, but for some reason I can't. Not sure why.

But yeah, I lost my femininity with him, and also with the WS, who made me into his work horse.

One of the biggest draws with my XSO was how feminine and beautiful he made me feel when I was with him. That is probably a big part of why I dealt with all his issues, and stuck with him for 4 years even though I knew it could not last for the long-term.....he allowed me to be feminine, he even encouraged it, while the other guys had tried to squash it down....

So I really don't think it was being a "mom" to my kids that made me feel unsexy, but being a "mom" to my husband is what killed it. I wanted a partner, not another large child.

This was definitely part of the issue in my marriage, too. And then I brought my own FOO issues into the mix. So again, not placing the blame entirely on ex's head. I know that I played a part, at times a large part, in the dysfunction of the marriage.

I also know I accepted, for far too long, so much less than I am worthy of.

I usually like what he writes. This isn't one of his good ones, to me. Maybe I spend too much time in the wayward forum, but this sounds like a lot of blame shifting and justification, to me.

Yes, know it was written by a man but honestly find this as insulting to both women and men as stating men live life through their c&$ks. Maybe I'm sensitive because I'm raising three boys and happen to think men are rather awesome for the most part.

Sure, met some real assholes but know some huge bitches too.

I can think of just as many stories where women are all over their guys junk like a bad rash then after they get married join the convent. I've seen it personally with a couple of my friends.

Now when he works out in the yard he has to become hermetically sealed before they can kiss him because he's "ewwwwww". They're tired. He's ALWAYS in the mood. They're bloated. It's Tuesday.

I'm sure that "comfort" is expressed differently by people but I think that if you were a certain way to be more attractive while trolling you best be representin' at least some of that after you "caught" the person or it's more of a bait and switch...you know, fraud. That's for BOTH sexes.

Again, probably too much time in wayward but don't think anyone can make you do or be anything without your consent. Always have choices. Always.

I responded earlier in the thread. Yes so much of what he wrote was true in my marriage but I also allowed it. It was part co-dependency but more I'm a giver and will also go ahead and do what needs to be done without complaining or asking for help. I've been changing that over the last few years. I'm not trying to be superwoman any longer.

FT was also ill a great deal of the time and I always thought I was doing things to make our lives better. He is definitely a taker and only gave back minimally.

Another live lesson learned.

Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 1:20 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

I think some of the responses have possibly gotten off track from what Boteach is trying to express; i.e., that marriage is supposed to be a loving and lusting experience for both partners. Please realize that he is writing from the perspective of an Orthodox marriage, which is a very different experience from most on this board, and one in which the roles of the husband and wife are very traditionally defined. For instance, the wife is prohibited from having relations when she becomes niddah (during menstruation) and for 5 days thereafter, and retains that status until she is immersed in the mikveh (ritual bath.) By limiting the times when spouses can share physical intimacy, the Torah fans the flames of desire between them, as well as ensuring that their reunion will fall during her most fertile and hormonal time. This is a concept that embraces love and lust, which Rabbi Boteach heartily endorses. I don't understand where he says anything in the article that says that men think with their c*cks; rather, he's trying to inspire husbands to celebrate and honor the female power of their wives. Fortunately, in the Torah view, the pleasure of marital intimacy serves the positive function of maximizing the attachment between husband and wife. (Term "devek" = union, attachment. Rashi states that pleasure produces devek. (Sanhedrin 58a,b))