SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As some may know this is a seasonal problem for me.

Some background. We have a lake house and us and a few neighbors own jointly the grounds our home is on. So, our campfire ring is used by all, the area in front of our homes near the lake is jointly used, the boat landing, etc.

One of our neighbors is a divorced/widowed man. He has a friend "Mary" who is/was a severe alcoholic. Also, divorced. But, they are just friends. She often came to visit our neighbor in the summer because she isn't allowed to buy alcohol (some mark on her license) but she comes Up North to get wasted.

Mary has very poor boundaries. Before I knew of my FWH's affair, I knew this woman was an unethical slut. I have slutdar. I know many of us do.

The first time I met her was when FWH, I and a group of our neighbors were standing in a group chatting. I was standing right next to FWH. Mary walks up to the group and asks my FWH "Is that your Sea-Doo?" and FWH says yes. She gives him her man eating smile and says "Can you give me a ride?" totally ignoring me. FWH is all smiling and sputtering and I say "No, he can't give you a ride." Fucking bitch. We never met this person evah!

I don't always go Up North with FWH. I find out from my son (about 12 y.o. at the time) that this Mary person has made passes at my FWH. For instance, sitting around the campfire my FWH and son, his divorced friend and his 12 y.o. DD, and a few other people, Mary walks up to my FWH and sits in his lap! WTF!!!! The 12 y.o. DD of FWH's friend says to Mary "He is married you know!" , love her so much, great kid. And, even a 12 y.o. knows proper boundaries. Another time, same scenario around the campfire and Mary is trying to get my FWH to dance with her. This all happened pre d-day.

I don't like Mary. She acts like she is my friend, but she is a back stabbing unethical slut. Whenever she sees me gives me a big smile and "Hi, SisterMilkshake how are you?" and I just want to say "Fuck Off!" I say "hello" but I am cold to her as I am the Worst. Actress. Evah.

One of MisterSisters issues pre d-day is that he is Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Charming, Mr. Life of the Party. Still is an issue sometimes. He had been talking to Mary when I am not there or even if I am there. I don't want him to talk to her at all. He has a hard time being impolite. He doesn't want to start drama. Mind you, this slut isn't an owner, she is a guest intruding upon our property, granted she is a guest of an owner.

Finally, with support from my dear friends here, I came up with a plan. Although many said this is MisterSisters issue to take care, which I do agree, I also feel I want to talk to Mary. Many supported me doing just that. Got up my nerve and was determined to confront her last summer. Well, it never happened. Mary was in a residential rehab treatment program all summer and never made it Up North.

Which brings me to today. FWH went Up North. I didn't go as DS17 has to work this weekend. FWH called me when he gets there and starts telling me all who is Up North and leaving Mary for the last. He knew I wasn't going to be happy.

I asked him what his plan was for the weekend. He said he is planning on not hanging out at all at the fire ring or with the group at all. He is going to go fishing with his one buddy that is up there. He will stay in our house or on our deck but won't mingle with them. They already invited him for dinner, but he turned them down. I asked what he will do if Mary says "hi" to him. He said he will say "hi" but will walk away and not talk. I asked him to maybe think about saying "Mary, you have disrespected my wife countless times. I have nothing to say to you." FWH said he could say that, but he doesn't want to cause drama. Why would that cause drama? He doesn't need to yell it at her, just calmly say it. Many there know what she did, they witnessed it.

Angry that I am not there. I really did have a gut feeling she was going to be there this weekend. Should have brought it up to FWH before he left. I feel like driving up there. Not to make sure Mr.Sister keeps his boundaries, I actually do trust him, this slut isn't the OW (just a wannabe) but to just give her the little speech I have prepared.

Talk me down, folks, please!

Honestly if he said that to her she'd probably pout her little lips and ask why. She wouldn't get it. Sounds like she never advanced out of a young teenager.

His giving her crickets and NO eye contact would probably work better. Don't try logic with an illogical person. It's wasted breath.

ditto Purple,

...or ethics with an unethical person.

I would be irritated. Mistersister has no problem causing drama with you his wife, no problem being beyond rude to you his wife, no has no problem disrespecting you. But heaven forbid he causes drama or is rude in anyway to Mary, the friend of the neighbors who might be at the campfire. @@

Maybe, now that she has been through rehab, she has calmed down? Although that is really not the point. The problem ISNT Mary. If it weren't this Mary, it wouLd be another slut, another day. The bottom line is that there are women out there who unfortunately can't respect marriage boundaries and keep their legs closed.

The problem is Mistersister and his lack of boundaries in the name of being polite. He needs to change his priorities. If he feels uncomfortable saying something like what you suggested to Mary, and the other Mary's of the world, that is his own prerogative. But he needs to come up with a marriage- acceptable way to handle her and other slutty women. And to give him a hint- when you're being so polite that you end up with a hoe in your lap, that sounds a bit more than just putting on a smile to avoid drama as he is claiming.

It seems Mary's rehab treatment was a complete waste of time as she was very drunk last night.

FWH avoided her like the plague, so no talking was done as of the last time I spoke to MisterSister.

pj4 and bipass, you make good points.

BeyondBreaking ~ I agree with you! When said ho sat in his lap, he immediately stood up and pushed her off his lap. However, he didn't tell me about the incident, DS did. Yes, you are right, he needs to find a marriage-acceptable way to handle Mary and other slutty women.

"Mary, you have disrespected my wife countless times. I have nothing to say to you."

I think saying that out of the blue would only stir things up, BUT, should she approach him in any way other than saying hello, I think that would be a great response for him. Except I would say "you have disrespected my marriage" rather than 'wife'.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 7:27 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]

The only words I'd have for him would be "Get your ass home."

If you can't be there with him and his boundary issues, he shouldn't get to go.

How are you doing, SisterM? Was your FWH able to maintain strong boundaries with Mary? Is he home yet? How are you feeling? I can imagine this must have been a difficult weekend. I hope he's there supporting you as a team.

I have no tolerance left for drunks. WH used it all up. Her behavior around Mister Sister should warrant his disgust. Not a friendly "hello,"

[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 8:59 PM, June 17th (Monday)]

Unfortunately I know a few sluts like Mary. They try to act all innocent if anyone 'mistakes' their TRUE intentions, and calls them on it, like "I was just kidding around" as she slides off your H's lap. Good luck Sister, hope things went in your favor, ie, no Mary incidents this year.

Seems to be we need a good dose of skank out. Spray liberaly. What is up with these women? Self respect anyone?

Sister, I remember the Maryslut stories.

I can't remember if it was suggested you speak to the owner who brings her, about NOT bringing her.

Do the other owners have issue with Maryslut? If so, can you (as a group) speak to Maryslut's friend and ask him to leave her home? If you're ALL owners, it stands to reason that if you all have issue with a "guest" that "guest" should be persona non grata.

Up North Slut Season Again

At first glance I though it was hunting season and you were trying to get people to buy tags for taking down the ever elusive slutosaurus that seems to have overpopulated the area.

slutdar

ITA with purple. Her type loves drama. She'd love to be called out so she can be the victim. Think about the reaction she wants, then do the opposite.

silverhopes, how very thoughtful and kind of you. After I vented here and MrSister called me a few times, I was fine. I still don't like Mary, but I wasn't upset anymore. MrSister came home early Sunday morning. He had NC with Mary at all.

He understands my feeling and knows I am justified. He just feels he should say a cold "hello" if Mary says it first and then walk away or ignore. He doesn't want any drama. He understands if I want to talk to Mary, but he just feels it will cause drama, but will support me if I do.

ppga ~

"you have disrespected my marriage" rather than 'wife'.

That is probably the better thing to say.

FaithFool ~ if I wasn't 3 years post d-day, I probably would have told him that. But, I have seen him work hard on his boundaries. He tries to be very conscious of his interactions now. Of course, he is not perfect, but he really has been having strong boundaries.

LadyO ~ I agree. I don't believe she should get a friendly "hello" from anyone. She is so pathetic.

Crushed1 ~ Thanks! Me, too.

selkie ~ Oh, that reminds me of something here a couple of years ago. Didn't a member have a can of Whore B Gone? Does anyone else remember that?

itainteasy ~ The owners have changed from when we first started going there 16 years ago. Used to be couples with children. Now, the owners are mostly divorced/single men. There is one couple, no children. We still have a child at home. I like this couple and the wife agrees that Mary has boundary problems and doesn't like it. But, the wife is an alcoholic, too, so her and Mary wind up getting wasted together. I don't really drink. MrSister doesn't drink, the husband in the couple doesn't drink, and I rarely have a drink, but I do. So, the divorced/single men don't mind Mary at all. I am sure they are all hoping to get "lucky"!

Rye Bread ~

get people to buy tags for taking down the ever elusive slutosaurus that seems to have overpopulated the area.

Jana ~ do you have slutdar? Yes, you are probably right. Then she'll have to go get another drink because mean old SisterMilkshake is such a bitch to her poor misunderstood self.

Hilarious!!! Slutdar, slutosaurus & whore be gone........i am soo adding these to my cupboard full of Whoretein!!! These 'pests' are just so universal, seem to be everywhere!

Slutdar and WhoreBeGone are officially entrants into the SI hall of fame I believe....

If the owners are mostly divorced or single men, then Mary should have her pick of men to slut around with.....

But, we all know how these whores operate. "You're available? No, thanks, I like the shiny wedding band on that guy's hand, think I'll put my ass on it."

Maybe she'll get too drunk one of these weekends and fall in the lake and drown.

That's kind of mean. Oh well. I have PMS and am feeling a little hateful right now, so DIE Mary!

Um, did someone ask for some whore-be-gone?

Here ya go, free cans for all SI members:

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 6:57 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]