SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for the support, everyone. You've definitely given me a new angle to think of this from.

The good thing is that when she does something stupid, I don't pine for her anymore. Nowadays I seem only capable of being pissed off with her - and I'm feeling the strength from it. I keep thinking I should be getting over the anger soon, but I guess it's still early days.

For those of you who are further along, does the anger eventually dissipate on its own when you don't need it anymore, or at some point will I need to take action on that?

5454real:

Do you really believe she gives two shits about your opinion? If she disagreed with your advice, what would she have done.

This is huge. She never takes advice that disagrees with her opinion!

Pass,

I feel for you. Anyone who uses their children as a weapon to inflict pain on the other parent is a special kind of sick person.

Do what you can to keep from being sucked in. I know it isn't easy, but the more you are out of her fog.. the easier it will get.

If she cared on IOTA about her kids, she wouldn't be dating this soon. Let alone telling them about it or bring them around the men she is seeing.

Reverse the scenario... if you were dating ... would you do what she is doing? How would you handle dating in the best interest of your boys?

When my therapist asked me those questions... my XH's behavior and (how I planned on handling) mine were complete polar opposites. It brought home just how much HE CHANGED.

Hugs,

K

In my experience the initial anger is based on hurt. Then it is based on their outrageous behaviour. Then you start really hurting/being angry for your kids, not so much yourself. I'm kind of stuck here.

He can't hurt me anymore - except through the girls. Its the last button he has to push.

You can't/won't stay angry forever. IMO you wouldn't feel detached if you were still as angry as a few weeks/months/years ago.

Unfortunately when we share kids with these lower muppets we cannot have true NC. The tiny bits of contact = new hurts = new anger.

I have found myself channeling my anger more. Before his very existence enraged me. Now most of his antics are mildly amusing and irritating. I don't really get angry anymore, I do get sad. Some of his antics are just so.... unnecessary. I'm sad that he will use the girls to try to bait me.

He goes quiet for a while and it is bliss. I can pretty much forget he ever existed. But then he gets hungry for the ego kibbles and does something weird to try to get my attention.

Many times I feel like saying "move on with your life FFS - at least pretend you're happy with your choices. Leave me the fuck alone".

I'm hoping crickets sends him that message loud and clear.

This detaching caper is not for the feint hearted. I suspect the anger is a way for our brains to gather strength/resolve to detach not only from the WS but also to accept that this has all actually happened.