SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know a 17 year old guy- he's a boxer. He just started dating this 34 year old girl who the wife knows quite well- she ain't a weirdo.

She was saying no to him for ages- well- last 3/4 months but now- they're together.

I said to him like ain't she a bit old and he was like "so it's OK for a 34 year old man to hit 10 bells out of me but I can't date a 34 year old girl"- in boxing you become senior at 17- I suppose he has a point.

She come to my wife saying she really likes him and asking if she's wrong to.

He's fairly mature and he's a big lad- she only looks young so tbh they don't look weird.

I just wondered some opinions.

I vote weird.

I'm 34. I teach in a high school. I see how 17 year olds act every day.

Just...no.

(I'm assuming the laws of consent where you are don't make this illegal).

Yeah 16 is legal- the woman said to my wife this morning how it's weird that he can't legally buy her a drink.

I think I vote weird too- I'm 28 and 17 seems young- I couldn't date a 17 year old girl.

So it would be like me being with a 44 yr old I suppose- hmmm I don't know- she don't look 34- whatever 34 looks like!! They don't look weird together though- she's quite petite.

I think it's the boxing thing that throws me- he is big and hairy ha and if we can throw him in the ring with a 34 year old man... you get me?

Oops, wrong thread!

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:08 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]

You're just scaring me for no reason now! Ha

First post in a while and I thought- in trouble again

ha

Nope, you're good.

Just ignore me .

I just don't see where it can go, being at such different stages of life. I'm 29, age of consent here is 18, and I can't even imagine dating someone who is that young. Heck, I tried dating guys in their mid twenties and it was too young - not their age, but they consistently just weren't in the same place in life as me.

The age diference would be different if it was 40/57. I think the age difference at this point is too much.

Just because he likes to get hit in the head doesn't make him adult.

Just icky....IMO

I said that about the life stage too- I myself have different priorities now I'm 28 to when I was 17 and I don't mean just responsibilities I mean a different outlook.

He's easygoing- thinks she's blowing it up and it ain't a big deal- she is worrying what others will think and asked the wife if it makes her weird!

I agree that seventeen is really young, having had conversations with many seventeen year olds. But maybe he is an exception to that rule?

I do have a relative whose husband is twelve years younger than her. When they met, he was twenty and she was thirty-two. He pursued her for two years before she finally agreed to a first date. They married, he adopted and raised her children as his own. They have been married for more than thirty years now.

So the big age difference can work - but the one you describe seems like a pretty big one to me.

[This message edited by lost_in_toronto at 6:43 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]

So the big age difference can work - but the one you describe seems like a pretty big one to me.

I agree with this and know some people who have good marriages with a big age difference.

However, it is hard for me to relate to because when I was single, I was never interested in someone a lot older or younger. My XH was 7 years older and I decided that was too much, so when I became single in my early 30's I limited myself to no more than 5 years older or younger guys. I just feel it gives the relationship more balance, and a chance to have more in common.

But that aside, whether it is a 34 yr old man or woman dating a 17 yr old (half their age) possibly still in high school, to me it is ridiculous. While not illegal, it is certainly icky and not balanced. That is my view of it.

Add me for weird too. Nobody is saying he can't date a 34 yo woman, just saying it is weird. I suspect they are both projecting things onto the other, and that is what they are finding attractive.

There is a reason 17 year olds cannot buy alcohol or vote.

I85,

I use the rule of thumb "1/2 + 7" (keeping in mind all the legal rules). But that's just me...I'd say that it sounds like hormones for both and long term probably won't work.

But in 6 months he will be able to buy alcohol and vote...

So I now know what's happened- They've been sort of friends for 4 months- she's told him he's too young consistently.

At the weekend she went on a first date with another guy. bumped into 17yr old on way home- he acted a bit 'off'. He didn't respond to a text- she went round his place (he has his own place) and she pretended to not know why he was acting weird- he said something like "ok well if you haven't even considered me that way- why are you here- you may as well leave" - she said "OK so I have considered but I just think you're too young- you can't even buy me a drink" then apparently one thing led to another!

Today she's telling my Mrs that she's thinking about cancelling their date tonight.

We got a right old bit of drama in the office and for once nothing to do with the wife and me! Woohoo!! haha

Yes Tred! The fact they got down to 'it' at the weekend sounds like a bit of lusting to me too- I never knew that until about 30 mins ago!

[This message edited by idiot85 at 7:51 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]

To me, personally, it's weird.

17 yr olds are children, to me.

I'm 37, a twenty year old is a child to me.

I could never do it.

But, if it's legal, and no one is getting harmed, it's not for me to regulate. (I don't believe in the US it would be legal though..age of consent or not, the boy's parents could pursue statutory rape until he turned 18, I think).

I don't think there's long term potential, though.

But, who knows?

My DS is 17 y.o. I would be furious if some 34 y.o. woman started dating my child. I would want to do her physical harm, actually. Not proud of that, but that is how I feel I would feel.

If this were a 34yo MAN hitting on a 17yo GIRL society would see it as all kinds of WRONG.

I see it as all kinds of WRONG for a 34yo WOMAN (not girl) hitting on a 17yo BOY.

Good grief she is old enough to be his mama!

So No. Just No.

17 yr olds are children, to me.

This. I have a 16.5 year old. She's a lovely girl but not even ready for a relationship with someone her own age! Perhaps we're behind the curve but she's just learning to do things like manage her time appropriately and do her laundry and apply for jobs etc.

At school they are teaching them about budgets and bank accounts and their options after high school. She's going to be taking driving lessons and thinking about a career. She's completely overwhelmed as it is and she knows it. To add in all the complications of an adult relationship and what comes with it would be a disaster. Just because someone looks like an adult doesn't mean they are at all and they end up robbed of the energy and emotional focus they need to continue with just simply growing up IMO.

In the US age of consent is between 16-18 depending on what state your in. Statutory rape cannot be charged if the child is at the age of consent unless they are seen as mentally incapable to consent deapiye age. Pretty sure I'm remembering the law right but feel free to set me straight . I do still see them as children though age of consent or not. I know even between the age of 17 and 21 my thinking about life changed and at 28 I would not be willing to date a 21 year old because they are at a different point then me in life. Perhaps not all but the vast majority. So yea I vote weird if nothing else.

I should not be one to throw stones at this glass house (my S/O is 11 years younger than me--we met when I was 55) but oh my Lord, at his age, that kind of age difference is a freaking chasm. She's TWICE his age. I think we all know this probably isn't a till-death-do-us-part relationship, though, so hey, if it meets both their needs at THIS moment, I (repressing every urge to shout "NO!!!!")say who am I to complain? A friend's 16-year-old son was seeing a 28-year-old for a while, but he ended it. He found her too immature! (And she was. Is still.)Any chance this is true in this case?

We must also all remember that a century ago, the 34-year-old would have been considered too old to be considered as a mate. Many people were married and raising kids at 17. How many boys of that age died in long ago wars?

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 8:28 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]