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Newest Member: WishingINeverLooked

Reconciliation :
Self therapy? I saw the OM today from afar.

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 2married2quit (original poster member #36555) posted at 7:10 PM on Thursday, June 27th, 2013

I guess I'm really chicken shit, but I did see the OM from afar. Hadn't seen him in over a year. Last time we spoke was in Nov after DDAY.

The luck, I turned into an area near where they worked (he still works there) and he just happened to drive by. He went to grab a bite. I parked from afar and saw him. Not once did he see me. I have to admit I was shaking in my pants. Why? Fear? Anger? Sick feelings? But all I saw was a man that was non-threatening, my old friend, the guy he's always been. As I drove out, I made sure I was going the same direction as he so he ended up behind me. I was in my FWW's car so he HAD TO HAD SEEN IT. I've got tints, figured it be an eye opener or a haunting memory for him if.

I was so nervous the whole time but after I drove off a sense of calm did come over me. My brain is getting the message that it is all done, gone and in the past.

I do sometimes wish I could speak to him. I'm not sure if this is good or bad?

Anyone ever done this or were wanting to reconnect with OM months after DDAY?

BS - Me 47 WS - Her 45 ( she's a childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
She had 2 affairs with two different men.
Status: divorced.

posts: 1746   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 6389419
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Knowing ( member #37044) posted at 10:04 PM on Thursday, June 27th, 2013

Trigger: You're just past/in A season.

I would be inclined to tell you to not give the OM another thought, the A doesn't have anything to do with him. He could have been anyone.

Since the OM was your friend I wonder if there isn't some more healing that needs to happen there. You were doubly betrayed.

BW, R last 4 years of marriage out of 15... FINALLY, HAPPILY DIVORCING!

We are in R.

posts: 698   ·   registered: Oct. 5th, 2012
id 6389670
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 2married2quit (original poster member #36555) posted at 10:34 PM on Thursday, June 27th, 2013

Knowing - Yes, there is more healing. He wasn't suppose to "go for it". And yes, A season has had me take a few steps back in recouping. But seeing him does help a bit. Just a bit. You are right though, the more I saw him from afar, the more I realized it was my FWW's fault. She started it, she manipulated him and she made things happen. He went along with it. Dumbass!

BS - Me 47 WS - Her 45 ( she's a childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
She had 2 affairs with two different men.
Status: divorced.

posts: 1746   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 6389715
default

 2married2quit (original poster member #36555) posted at 4:44 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2013

btw - for some reason seeing OM from afar helped me. It took away some sort of edge from the anxiety. Made me realize how much the A was NOT about me. It wasn't even about him either. It was all about WW. How sad.

BS - Me 47 WS - Her 45 ( she's a childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
She had 2 affairs with two different men.
Status: divorced.

posts: 1746   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 6390657
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