SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm not sure but I suspect my husband is having another A. I'm in the progress of investigating now to get all my facts together before confronting him. If my memory is correct 7 years ago when he had an affair he seemed much happier and I thought life was good. He has been in a pretty good mood lately and no that's not why I think he's cheating. I can't imagine having an affair would make you happier around your spouse but was curious to see if others have had the same thing happen. I would have thought a spouse would have been grouchy keeping secrets and all.

So my question---was your spouse in a happier mood during his affair?

No, in fact he became much angrier and has been ever since. He plays happy guy with OWiftress but any and all who knew him before and after have said he is the angriest man they know.

No, he was mean and indifferent to me. He's in a much better mood now. Wish I was

Ummmmm..........no.

no way

No real change in that regard. He was a bit more insecure, though. At the time I didn't understand his regular comments about his age and looking good for his age and seeing someone his age that looked a lot older, etc. Then I found out about the OW and that she was half his age! No wonder he was focused on his physique and appearance.

But he never seemed overly happy or overly unhappy.

It seems to me that after reading story after story on this site that the opposite seems to be more common. They get grumpy, depressed, unsatisfied, fidgety. Partially due to the need to demonize their life and/or spouse to justify the cheating.

But something is setting off your radar. So go into stealth mode and figure it out. Could it be something else that is making him seem more happy? Is he getting more sleep, eating better, getting more exercise, things going well at work?

How sad that we have to be suspicious when our spouse behaves more happy.

During his affair he was distant, cold at times, distracted, cruel to me & the kids in passive aggressive ways. Treated us like inconveniences. He was moody. His eyes were empty and his smile was off. He was miserable. In his pic's with mow he had big smiles and looked so happy but all the times i now realize he had been with her came home to me & the kids looking and acting guilty. It pisses me off how he treated me and our kids. We were all so confused by his behavior.

No. He was miserable, angry and emotionally abusive to me.

No!!! He was an effin jerk. Mean, cruel, verbally.abusive, short with the kids....exxcept when he was around people other than his family. Around anyone that was not related or friends of our M, he was a real swell guy. During A, he even cut ties with our friends, ones that we BBQ'd with and hung.out. started saying they annoyed him.put me in a real awkward position.

No, during his A, he was smug, arrogant, hateful, and often angry. His eyes were dark and haunted and he became an alcoholic because he couldn't deal with his guilty conscience.

Nope, she was a cruel raving bitch at the time. Part of me was ready to let OW have at it.

My WH is pretty even tempered so I would not say that he was in a better mood...But then again, he *worked* 7am-8pm and passed out (alcoholic) in front of the TV by 9pm so who the hell knows what his mood was like.

The one thing he was is distant during his affair...that and absent.

He would either be fakey happy or mean and verbally vicious. He absolutely hated it (still does) when I would call him on the fake happy crap.

He was nervous - tended to look guilty but would go on a verbal rampage of my faults.

When he was trickle truthing and such, he did the fake happy quite abit. (I see that now that I have found out about April and given him the ultimatum which I am prepared to follow through with should he contact chickie again).

yes, she was definitely in a better mood, cause she was in the "love" high. she was flying high, and almost or whole life was better as a result of her better mood. that's kinda what poisons me now is that or relationship is so much harder now, and she is not in a very good place right now, so it makes me feel a bit inadequate since I don't make her feel the same she did for him.

Miserable, mean, manulative, just angry all the time and everything ht did wrong was my fault

Oh my ExW was very happy. She was living a dream. The moment I called or even stepped in her domain/space she would become super irritated and make me feel unwanted, and express it well with her body language and facial expressions.

On divorce day my family friend told me she looked like a monkey physically. All that tensed and exhausted look of sleep deprivation and the PTSD effects on her body, her weight loss after the trouble started for her etc.

my wife was very distant during her A. Recently, during IC we touched upon my lack of trust for my wife...and for myself...still wondering how I could NOT have seen the A earlier.

My counselor kindly pointed out what I WAS noticing before I realized the A was going on. I DID notice my wife withdrawing from me....I just was ignorant to the possibility that an A was an option for her.

NOW I am aware A is an option.

My point is that you are probably really in tune with your relationship with your husband. Even if he is a master manipulator...you have seen the tricks behind his magic show...you now know what to look for.

Trust your gut. Trusting your spouse is difficult, but your gut tends to be right. It should be even more right after the A...since it has been educated to what to notice and look for.

NOTE: It is still a very real possibility that your marriage is actually improving to the point of making him genuinely happy! Don't be quick to rule this out...it very much could be the case for you. I pray it is the case for all of us at some point.

God be with us all.

He was occasionally on a giddy super-high. Very strange. Of course, I didn't even think to investigate. Just thought it was work going well, or something. Other times, more vacant and disconnected.

Oh no no. At least not with me, I was ruining her fantasy world with the mundane. She was snappish and distant and always late from work. She would get irritated and angry with me at the drop of a hat.

She's her old self again now. Must be nice.

During his affair he was distant, cold at times, distracted, cruel to me & the kids. Verbally abusive. He acted like I just pissed him off all the time. Anything to do with us was an inconvenience. He was moody and miserable to be around.

Then there were times he was loving

I imagine it's very hard to live a double life.

In the end it was so sad and scary to see the mental breakdown of my H. Apparently, he could only handle the stress for so long.

...no.

It is what nogoingback said above. "I was ruining her fantasy with the mundane."