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Change the locks.

Please. For yours and the kids' sakes...

Stupid b**** - did that in front of the kids...she is not only a few fries short of a Happy Meal, she's a special kind of cruel.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If for some reason you are not permitted to change the locks, you CAN put a chain or some sort of "extra security" lock so she can't just waltz in...

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 10:51 AM, August 12th (Monday)]

Yep, add deadbolts that you use any time you are in the house.

What a selfish bitch

Thank you.

She texted me back and of course twisted it around to make it MY fault:

"if you had been ready for them then I wouldn't have had to come in."

HAD to come in??

Ready for them? It was 6:30 AM, they have no school or anything, so what would I need to be "ready" for? They came in and hopped into bed with me. She decided to follow them in and get on the bed. To snuggle the dogs. Right.

NPD idiot. No responsibility for ANYthing.

She had absolutely no right to just walk into your bedroom.

But, I think next time I would be up and ready for them. I wouldn't want her to say something like, "Well I dropped the kids off and he was still asleep in bed." She seems like the type to spin it back on you to make you look bad.

And just for my own curiosity, why 6:30am? That seems a bit early to me but maybe that is because my kids are on a different schedule.

**edit for grammar.

[This message edited by hangingontohope7 at 12:55 PM, August 12th (Monday)]

Sounds like she employed the old surprise attack. Of course you wouldn't be ready. At 6:30am, who would be???

Have you thought about getting a smaller mattress, just one big enough for the people that matter?

Deadbolts or chain are a great idea and a cheap fix in the long run, then she can't accuse you of changing the locks, you just added some for security.

Be proud you can recognize her games so much faster than before.

I wonder what her AP would think of this, her climbing in to bed with you. Too bad he will never know......

Yes, you need to be awake and answer the door. I would not drop my kids off to a house that I didn't see the adult.

Note, I will knock until they come to the door, I wouldn't crawl into bed with them if they didn't answer the door

[This message edited by million pieces at 1:55 PM, August 12th (Monday)]

Time to talk to your attorney about implementing a set pick-up/drop off time.

I'd still put a chain/deadbolt on. Just to piss her the F off.

edited for typo

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 3:03 PM, August 12th (Monday)]

Yeah, she did that on purpose.

Who wakes their kids up that early for a non emergency droop off?

If she just HAD to drop them off, she could have called first, or rang the door bell, or shouted up the stairs.

She's pulling out all the stops.

NPD idiot. No responsibility for ANYthing.

Who are you? Wow, do realize just how far you have progressed?

FREAKING AWESOME!!!

I don't believe she thinks of it as a game. She is honestly completely clueless and careless that her actions affect anyone else. It's just more selfishness. She felt like coming in. So she did. She felt like lazing on the bed. So she did. She wanted to have an affair. So she did. That is the extent of the complexity of her thinking.

I'm doing the slow clap for you over here, AD. Seriously - you have made SO much progress!

Kudos to you Abbandad, way to show some crazy strength in the face of breached boundaries. Now, on to this;

Sounds like she employed the old surprise attack. Of course you wouldn't be ready. At 6:30am, who would be???

Yeah, she did that on purpose.

Who wakes their kids up that early for a non emergency droop off?

If she just HAD to drop them off, she could have called first, or rang the door bell, or shouted up the stairs.

She's pulling out all the stops.

I agree with Standingonmarble and Phillygirl. She knew exactly what she was doing. She was trying to hoover you again, this time with a brazen attempt to pull on your heartstrings with an ‘image’ of the family unit all reunited. As a betting man, I’d wager that she wanted to see a blubbering text from you asking why she was still doing this, and why couldn’t you all be a family again.

Your text was exemplary, she’s losing control and she isn’t happy about it whatsoever.

I’m applauding you right now my man, keep up the good work. Remember one very important thing okay? We all believe that Superheroes have flashy costumes and super powers, but sometimes the strongest, most amazing people are the ones we see every day. You are your children’s safe place, and you are weathering a huge storm right now even if at times you feel like your losing ground.

Take care big guy!!

But, I think next time I would be up and ready for them. I wouldn't want her to say something like, "Well I dropped the kids off and he was still asleep in bed." She seems like the type to spin it back on you to make you look bad.

And just for my own curiosity, why 6:30am? That seems a bit early to me but maybe that is because my kids are on a different schedule.

I knew she was bringing them early (she was on her way to work), but so what. She knew I would still be in bed. I can't tell you the literally hundreds of times she lazed in bed while I took the kids out--and then once we separated, more often than not when I came to get them (note: she never brought them to me) she was still sleeping. And we're talking eight, nine o'clock. Not six thirty.

What this is is part of her whole attempt to justify 50/50 custody. I can't stress enough how freakishly unusual it is for her to get up so early and bring them to me--and then criticize me for not "being ready."

The "real" part of her is the coming inside and plopping on the bed. She is simply a child in way over her head--trying to be conniving but at the same time a slave to her usual thoughtless whims.

It is bitterly hilarious that she has no idea how transparent it all is, how well I know her.

And that is the boundary you put up now. Do not argue that she entered the house, as I agree with others, I wouldn't want to leave without seeing an adult either, but the fact that she is NOT to enter your bedroom ever again. She may come in the entry way, and send the kids to get you. She is not welcome to have free run of the house. Period. Don't get emotional, just state the boundary.

Abbondad,

I'm sorry. I hope my comment didn't come off rude. At 6:30am I would definitely still be in bed. At least until school rolls around in the next few weeks.

I guess the reason I was asking about the early schedule is because I'm worried that my STBXWH is going to try to push for 50/50 custody. He has threatened it twice because he thinks he won't have to pay as much, if any, support. The only way he can manage this is if he drops the kids off with me by 6:30am. That means waking them up no later than 5:30am and getting everyone ready. This man would sleep through his alarms and then race around to get ready in 10 mins to make it to work on time. I just don't see how it can work but I fear he will try just to stick it to me.

Sorry for the thread jack.

I knew she was bringing them early (she was on her way to work), but so what. She knew I would still be in bed. I can't tell you the literally hundreds of times she lazed in bed while I took the kids out--and then once we separated, more often than not when I came to get them (note: she never brought them to me) she was still sleeping.

You need to operate as divorced parents. You both are hurting the kids by not doing so. If you knew she was coming early then you should have been awake and up for them. You need to open the front door for her and not allow her to just open the door on her own to drop them off.

These loose boundaries are confusing for the kids. It's time to start acting like you are divorced.

The minute she entered your bedroom, you should have gotten out of bed and led everyone out of your room. There would have been no opportunity for her to cuddle the dogs and make herself at home. You can't just watch these things unfold. You have to be active in protecting not only yourself but the children. The children would have followed your lead. You would have been reinforcing that you are a separated couple and their lives have changed. Be proactive instead of reactive to her behaviors. You'll do better next time. You don't let her move in to hug you like a previous time, nor to enter your bedroom ever again. You take action, end of story.

[This message edited by momentintime at 1:59 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

She is honestly completely clueless and careless that her actions affect anyone else.

Please consider that she may have done this on purpose. Not sure if it was just meant to mess with your head or if she was trying to make you sentimental for the old days in order to soften you up for the divorce process. But getting into bed with the guy who's divorcing you? I don't care if the kids and the dog are there too. This goes beyond clueless.

She's not clueless.

She is manipulative and cunning.

I wonder what your kids thought..mom getting into bed with dad..acting as if she belonged there...knowing mom and dad are getting a divorce..and they have met the OM.

Think they might be a bit confused?

You knew she was coming over..and she has pulled this shit before. You need to stop allowing this. Yes..YOU. Honestly..I think a small part of you was glad that she did that.

Change the locks. WHY does she even have a key?? She does not live there...papers have been filed. She shouldn't have a key to your home.

Stop allowing your heart to put you in these situations. Your head knows better.

I guess the reason I was asking about the early schedule is because I'm worried that my STBXWH is going to try to push for 50/50 custody. He has threatened it twice because he thinks he won't have to pay as much, if any, support. The only way he can manage this is if he drops the kids off with me by 6:30am. That means waking them up no later than 5:30am and getting everyone ready. This man would sleep through his alarms and then race around to get ready in 10 mins to make it to work on time. I just don't see how it can work but I fear he will try just to stick it to me.

Hangingon,

Yes, this is just what I was trying to convey. Like your WH, my WW is jockeying for 50/50 by suddenly becoming responsible--a role that is very new to her. I am sure her attorney has advised her to start being the parent she would need to be in a 50/50 situation.

Even if I give her the benefit of the doubt (as another poster suggested) and consider that maybe she finally DOES realize that she needs to be a better mom, the problem is this will not last. She can't sustain it.

So if she does get 50/50, she will slip into her old ways--late for pick-ups, last-minute calls to work, etc.--so it will end up with me taking her to court (?) to request a revision.

I just am keeping my fingers crossed that I will be granted majority time based on these:

- She left the marital home twice, leaving the kids with me

- I have always been the primary caregiver, spending the vast majority of the time with the kids

- Over the past year she has been consistently late with pick ups, and simply has not spent 50% of the to e with them

Oh, and again, I am convinced that a significant reason she is going for 50/50 is to lower/avoid child support. Reprehensible, as she makes over 100k and I make 60k.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 7:26 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]