This Topic is Archived
cantaccept (original poster member #37451) posted at 4:48 PM on Sunday, July 28th, 2013
H repeatedly uses this phrase as a comfort??
"no one is hurting you now"
When he says that immediately my gut says, "no one??"
It wasn't "no one", it was you, you hurt me.
This wasn't some random act of cruelty from a stranger. This was you choosing to hurt me.
Am I being overly sensitive?
Would this bother anyone else?
It just bugs me. I hate when he says this.
"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie
Teach8 ( member #36521) posted at 4:53 PM on Sunday, July 28th, 2013
Yes. That would bother me. I've been reading your posts all morning. Imo...your wh hasn't owned anything in regards to his a. The fact that he can't even say "I" when he discusses why you hurt is proof of that. I'm so sorry for your pain, and unfortunately, he is compounding it with his denial and rugsweeping. (((Cantaccept)))
Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 4:54 PM on Sunday, July 28th, 2013
Ive read your posts. He doesn't get it. He still is engaging in wayward thinking..he doesn't seem to have any idea as to what he has done to you or the marriage.
No one is hurting you NOW? Um..he is..right? He's being insensitive and cruel. He's telling you it's "not all bout you and your pain." And you're very early on in this process. It IS about you and your pain and the shit he has pulled. What is is NOT about is his selfishness and memememememe attitude.
What is he DOING to show you he wants to R? Not what is he saying..what are his actions telling you?
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
cantaccept (original poster member #37451) posted at 5:54 PM on Sunday, July 28th, 2013
Again thank you.
I doubt myself constantly, wonder if I am being difficult.
It helps to know others would feel the same, I feel as if I am being so selfish.
Then I worry that I am failing to protect myself again.
Just feels like too many issues all at once. An avalanche.
Facing who he is, facing what I contributed, realizing that I have lived my whole life without ever stopping to think about me and what I deserve.
It is a hard concept for me, everytime I think "i am worth this" I feel guilty for being so selfish.
"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie
JustWow ( member #19636) posted at 6:01 PM on Sunday, July 28th, 2013
yeah, that would really bug me. tons.
It is like he is trying to disassociate himself from your pain, and , kinda talk down to you like your crazy for this present pain of yours (look baby, there's no monster in the closet, go to sleep).
I'd be boiling, I would.
BW - Reconciling
edited for typos (I always have to!)
FeelingSoMuch ( member #38814) posted at 6:19 PM on Sunday, July 28th, 2013
that would bother me, too. A lot. You're NOT being overly sensitive. Pretty normal reaction.
Stay strong.
Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001. Married since 2007. Found out about her affairs in 2013. Now separated, waiting for divorce paperwork and in a wonderful new relationship. Life is good again.
Kalliopeia ( member #35053) posted at 2:59 AM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
I have heard that a lot, too.
From what mine did, I now have a panic disorder and severe anxiety problems.
Your husband is being hugely invalidating. He needs to get over himself so you can get over his affair. 
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 3:03 AM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
Him just saying, "no one is hurting you now" hurts you in itself. That's just mind boggling.
sri624 ( member #33956) posted at 4:48 AM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
you are not alone...i would feel the exact same way as you.
BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance
myperfectlife ( member #39801) posted at 4:54 AM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
My WS has said "I just want you to heal/be happy/smile."
My response?
That's not going to happen for a long time no matter what the outcome is for our M.
"no one is hurting you now"
simple response: it hasn't stopped hurting from before...
I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13
libertyrocks ( member #38924) posted at 5:32 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
Our MC's occasionally tell me this, too. They're really big on focusing on the now and not the past for some reason. I feel your pain.
Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 5:38 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
What an ass. That's just another way of saying "get over it". 2-5 years. If he can't stand the heat, why did he start the fire?
Strength
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
This Topic is Archived
