SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The photos he used on different dating sites where some of the best of him that I've taken. But, the more obvious are me buying him "modern" underwear that he requested, that her wore for his "dates" and giving him cash for a new baby gift that a co-worker had, which was really to pay for a sleazy motel.

[This message edited by Issaquah at 4:50 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

My ex husband brought me some cheap 7-11 roses one evening. He never gave flowers, so I was touched and placed those cheap pieces of crap on our dresser. I later find out they were from her to him.

Yuck!!!

[This message edited by TrulySad at 5:45 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

Wow its amazing how insensitive they can be. My wife ended up wearing one of the sexy outfits about a month after the end of the A to an business social that i met her at. She was clueless as to how insensitive it was and what it would do to my imagination. I had her go home that night and throw it all out and all she could keep saying is what a waste of money it was.

About a week and a half before Dday, we went out on a date to a local pizza place/microbrewery at her suggestion. She said some guy she worked with had suggested it.

I was taking her out for dates a few times a week at this point because something was wrong between the two of us and I had no fucking idea what it was. On this particular date, she wore an extremely revealing dress. We had been together for a little over ten years at that point and she had NEVER worn anything like that out in public. It made me feel really uncomfortable but I didn't feel like it was my place to tell her how to dress so away we went.

She was really fidgety at the restaurant and I was uncomfortable with the amount of my wife that the rest of the patrons could see. Still, the conversation seemed good and everything seemed to go pretty smoothly. I was really surprised when we were done eating and she looked at me and said "can you take me home now" with an angry look on her face.

After Dday, I found out that her new dad liked to hang out at this place. Apparently they had just started talking and decided that they had a special, unique, unicorns shitting giant piles of glitter sort of connection and she was hoping to see him there. He wasn't, she was disappointed and she treated me like shit for the rest of the day. Should have been a dead giveaway. I had no. fucking. idea. Oh well.

It's been a year to the day since Dday and I've been stewing on it all day. Reading this thread was helpful and posting on it was really cathartic. I need a reminder every once in a while of the fact that the person I married and divorced was a cruel, disordered asshole and I'm better off without her.

[This message edited by h0peless at 6:05 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

It's sad how we were all taken advantage of...like Issaquah, my wife used a special photo I took of her on her dating site. I don't blame her, she looked great in it. I'd want to hook up with that woman, kinda proved it by marrying her. I gave her the Victoria Secrets gift card for Christmas that year, with a lot of money on it, and all that lingerie had to be thrown away because she wore it with her AP. I'm pretty sure he was who she was thinking of when she bought it. But it's also the little, everyday things that she took advantage of that shits me the most. The fact that I would commute 1 1/2 each way so she knew I wouldn't be home all day gave her the time to have her affairs with no chance of being caught. Giving her gas money and keeping her car running so she could go see her AP. Every day I supported her...and she used everything that I did for her against me. Our house, phone, cell phone, computers, you name it. Everything provided out of love became a weapon of infidelity. It's sucks being a sucker...

The sucker is not you – it is the one who took for granted and abused the most precious gift anyone can give – yourself. The WS is the sucker.

Oh, my list is sooooo long. Sending him off on "interviews," and encouraging him in his job hunt, when "job interview" had become synonymous with "hook-ups." (And yes, he was unemployed.)

Worrying about his precarious health enough to accept that, the night prior to an early speaking engagement in the city he worked in---you know, the nearby city to which he communed daily for years---he really needed to stay in a hotel. Because, after all, his illness made it too hard for him to get moving quickly, so early in the morning. (His OW flew in for a reunion several days early, and spent the night with him.)

Then, there was the dozen or so years when he was too sick for sex --- of any form. Unlike other disabled husbands, he never was interested in me or my needs---he just "couldn't" have sex. (He would argue now that, having once mentioned a morning erection, he rescinded his ban on sex---but that failed to make an impression on me and, at any rate, he never acted on any sexual impulse with me, other than to blame me for the lack of sex in our marriage; really, he is disabled, but mostly he didn't want it. With me.) His "illness" was really quite different. Yes, he has serious heart disease; it presents challenges. He found it easier to meet those challenges with strangers or near-strangers; since he can't take Viagra, danger was the next best thing. (I still kind of wish he'd died on top of one of them....and still do not rule out the possibility because his penchant for stranger danger persists. But having my sex life unceremoniously ended on false pretenses at age 38 can make a woman kind of bitchy.)

Oh, I could go on....but I win Sucker of the Double Decades, hands-down.

[This message edited by solus sto at 6:44 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

During the months before Dday, WH was on a diet, & I went to a lot of trouble shoppping for his special groceries and cooking him special meals ( different from what the kids & I ate). He lost a lot of weight, & I kept wondering where he was getting his motivation from. Little did I know that he & OW, who sat next to him at work, were getting closer & closer.

Apparently, every morning when he got to work, he would complain about me. (He was never home during that time, leaving me to take care of our 4 kids & the house, while working outside the home myself, so I was angry a lot---so, I guess he was telling her that I was a bitch.)

WH started a new business and OW worked next door. I thought he was working all those extra hours building up the business. Little did I know that he was cavorting with his new "friend" while I was working, taking care of the house and raising the kids.

About 6 months before DDay#1, was my birthday. My WW has her own business so often "works late". She called me up early in evening on my birthday to tell me that she still had lots of work piled up and needed to get as much done before coming home. Being a clueless idiot at that time, I didn't make any fuss at all and agreed that we would do something very special the following weekend to celebrate. After DDay#1, I now have access to some of her credit accounts and did a thorough search of transactions and found out that on my birthday she checked into a local hotel and gave OM the birthday sex (unprotected by the way) that belonged to me; and when she came home agreed to have a quickie with me before going to sleep. She had the audacity to tell me that she was extra horny for me and that the "more than usual" vaginal lubrication (which was opaque & gelatinous) was just her "overproduction" of her normal vaginal fluids from being "extra" excited for me. Never before had her vaginal fluids ever looked anything like this stuff. Like an idiot I allowed my self to believe her explanation as a plausible one.

Not only did she F$$$ the OM on my birthday, she had the audacity to get his spunk all over me. To this day, she denies it ever happened. Seriously??!!!! what kind of sick b@@@# does something like that?

Me: 48

WW: 39

DDay #1 October 3, 2012

DDay #2 January 19, 2013

DDay #3 March 17, 2013

Still hoping to salvage the marriage but thinking that I am just a complete idiotic hopeless romantic that believes "love" will win out in the end.

Christmas Day, I stayed home, cooking Christmas dinner and keeping the turkey warm while he was at an "office party." He got an expensive chess set as a "door prize." To this day, he has never admitted he was with OW instead of his family on Christmas. Even though no one at that office claims to know anything about there having been a party there on Christmas. WH had stated it was an annual tradition and he was honored to be invited invited, at the last minute, that Christmas Eve. The same Christmas Eve he spent $2,000 on jewelry for her. He only admitted to the jewelry because I had proof.

I used to love Christmas. The following Christmas, I made the whole family spend the day flying across the country so to spent the holiday in Williamsburg VA, where they do all the decorating, because I couldn't stand the thought of putting up a tree and cooking another Christmas dinner.

The next Christmas, I spent a lot on new decorations and on presents for the kids, trying to take Christmas back and make a good Christmas for the kids.

I still feel like kicking WH when I think about Christmas. It's been a hard couple of years. Him getting sober hasn't changed the fact that he will never tell the truth about the past.

I bought him Laker tickets for him and his buddies. He took his eff buddy and her friends to the games.

I was working on a project out of state and had to drive there once a week for a 16 hour work day for about a month. XWH offered to deposit my travel reimbursement expense check for me, out of the ordinary. Asked me for it more than once actually. When I discovered the A a month later and did some research, it turns out not only was he was driving to see her on the days I was traveling (electronic toll account) after he cashed my check instead of depositing it, he promptly wired OW the cash.

I finally got a decent job in my field after almost a year of unemployment. We had gotten used to one income, so as soon as my first check landed in the account mr triple broke a land speed record to get a new iPhone 5. He carried a work phone so why another one? I asked. Blah blah lie blah lie. I say Do you have a girlfriend? No, says Mr triple, I have two!!! Lol so clever. He really had between 30-40, that I know of. So yes my first paycheck funded his new smartphone and two year contract, or as I call it, a two year trigger. And also a year of AFF dues.