Not A related, so if mods need to move, please do. No, it's his BP, I believe, and incredible stress we're under right now, like sword of Damocles poised over us. A lawsuit ruling that will literally make or break us.
Having said that (and I'm not putting that out there as justifications or excuses, only as background), we were taking a load of our daughter's college stuff down to her school.
Let me preface this by saying that my H has not had an accident in 30 years, but he's a fast, aggressive driver, who has made all of us nervous if not downright scared at some point.
Everything seems absolutely fine until we're at a stoplight and the person in front either thinks to quickly go, then changes their mind, or H thinks they're going to go, then they don't. Either way, H revs, then slams on the brakes, doesn't hit the car in front, but all sorts of stuff in the car flies forward. No one says anything (years of conditioning), I just rearrange the stuff, and grab the handgrip in the car.
We come up on the next light, and I can't exactly remember, but I think it was a hard stop. H turns to me and says get out. I say no. Our daughter from the back starts to say something, he says, "Shut up, and just tell me where to turn." Which she does. She tells him the house is coming up on the right, and there are a few nose-in parking spots right it front, but it's a narrow, busy street. He's going fast, can't turn into the spot, a car is on his tail, he guns it further up the road and turns left into an apartment complex parking lot, and almost backs into one, then a second car turning into the complex as he tries to back out onto the street ("Wait, there's a car. Hold on, there's another one.") He's across from the house, and now is going to back in, but there's another car on his tail, and a car coming towards him that he will surely hit as he sharply angles to reverse in. I yell, Stop/No, something, he jams the car into park and jumps out saying , "I'm outta here," I think, maybe more. I get into the driver's seat and back it in, meanwhile our DD bursts into tears in the back.
We unload (I have the car keys), my DD and I move everything inside, sweep, assemble her bed, while H sits out front. Again nothing is said to him. Again years of conditioning -- one look at his constipated face and you know talking is futile.
We finish, come out, unlock the car, he reaches in to get his phone, glasses, creds, and steps back. I get in the driver's seat, DD says to him that we're ready, so let's go, and he lets loose with, "Fuck you, fuck you, you're both bitches and go fuck yourselves." She asks what she did or said, what is he going to do, and he just comes back with, "Don't come near me, fuck you, fuck you both, I'm not going anywhere with you," and walks off.
So..... that was yesterday around 3pm, in a town 1.5 hours away from us. We had many errands to do, which we did, and as we were just about to leave the town DD left a message on his phone (that was turned off), saying in a very neutral voice that we were heading home now and could come pick him up. Several other calls (didn't leave any more messages), and we drove home.
Now it's 11 am the next day, and all I know (from looking at our online banking) is that
he might have bought a train ticket and stayed at a Hilton. Even more BP behavior; spending money we don't have.
I'm surprisingly calm, not spinning my wheels worrying about him (!!), but worried about my DD. We did talk a great deal as we drove, and I suggested her having some sessions with our MC, who's a family counselor also, but right now she doesn't want to do that. I'll keep the lines of communication fully open with her.
After so many years of escalating behavior I think I'm indoctrinated. But I'm also thinking how this see saw has impacted my kids, who don't deserve this at all -- and I realize neither do I.
Do I treat this like a Dday? Throw his ass out? Have him picked up? Have him committed? The stupid mood disorder muddies the water for me, but what I'm most worried about is finances. We're so teetering on the edge that with debit card in hand he can virtually wipe out our account.
Sorry this is long and all over the place. Your thoughts and opinions are very appreciated.