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aesir ( member #17210) posted at 9:29 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
You might also want to ask what love means to him if that is his answer. For some reason I am thinking of The Princess Bride quote:
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
Sal1995 ( member #39099) posted at 9:40 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
The most intense feeling of being "in love" I've ever had was in the 3rd grade. Seriously. And that was before I knew about the birds and the bees. That lasted about a week, then I fell in love with my teacher, who was a dead ringer for Goldie Hawn. Repeat those experiences about a dozen times until I met my wife when I was almost 26.
The point: what your husband felt or interpreted when in his la-la affair state obviously wasn't enduring, or he wouldn't be with you. It hurts and there's no excuse for it, but people go off the rails sometimes. We as BS's can't help but feel what we feel as well, but I wouldn't make a past feeling be a dealbreaker. What is he doing today to show his love for you? To me that is the important question.
TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 10:19 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013
I know how you are feeling. My WH#2 told the OW he loved her and even gave her an engagement ring. He says now to shut her up becuase she was threathening to tell me, which she did about a year later. It is something that I now can't get over. He even saw her for another year after DDay#1, before she spilled the beans again that the A did not end. It has since ended, but my pain has not. I can't wrap my head around why he would continue to see her and hurt me more other than he is a selfish person who wanted to continue the A. I know he didn't really love her, but I also feel he didn't really love me either. The worst part is he didn't love himself.
We have totally different views on what love is I suppose. I could never hurt him the way he hurt me. I couldn't live with myself if I did that to him. That's my kind of love and that's what I want and deserve in return. I don't want a selfish love, where he can love me one day and love someone else the next and then back to me again. I thought I could get past that part, but I now am seeing I can't. I know my love for him is no longer what it should be and that is not what I want in my life. I would rather not have someone to love me, than to have that done to me again. Who knows he could met someone today and start loving her or think he does. He is broken and no matter how much I love him, I can't fix him or my marriage and he can't love me the way I want to be loved.
XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"
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