This Topic is Archived
IslandGirl18 (original poster member #36781) posted at 11:25 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I thought we were reconciling. We had some great talks recently. We have been having a lot of fun together. But something just didn't seem right to me. It was a different feeling than when I thought he was cheating.
We talked Saturday night and it was great. He really opened up and told me how horrible he feels for hurting me so much. He understands that when I need to talk, it's not about rehashing the affair but about my healing process. We were meeting some friends and he said he wanted to finish talking later. So last night we went out and I asked him if he wanted to finish the conversation and he said he didn't want to have that talk there (we were in a public place). So we talked later that night. I really thought we were going to talk about us and how far we have come, how much we love each other. Our anniversary is this weekend and I was hoping to talk about doing something special.
Not what happened. He admitted to me that he loves me and really cares for me but does not feel romantic love for me. I asked him what that meant and he said all the things we used to do together, he doesn't feel it anymore. We had a week vacation last week and we stayed home and did different things each day. One day he said he was really bored. I said I was having a really nice time with him. When I asked him about that last night, he said that something was just really missing for him.
He admitted that he has held back his feelings because he is afraid of being hurt. I said I thought that was so unfair. He is the one who cheated, I forgave, I have committed 100%. He wants to stay together. He wants some space to heal.
I left him. I told him I cannot do this anymore. I am at my friend's house. Thank God I have a friend who will let me stay with her.
I am not devastated like I was at DDay. I have come a long way.
I did everything I possibly could. I am done.
me: BS
him: WS
D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012
Divorced
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 11:30 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
(((IslandGirl18)))
Strength and prayers going your way.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
Tred ( member #34086) posted at 11:36 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
Sending some good thoughts your way. Glad you have a good friend to stay with.
Married: 27 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
ineedtoleave ( member #29332) posted at 11:41 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
(((IslandGirl18))) It is time you put yourself first. We're here for you to help you stay strong.
BS(me)-52
WH-59
OW-43(married ex-Co-worker)
Married 6 yrs
DD#1: 3/19/10
DD#2: 5/11/10
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 11:41 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I'm really sorry, and really proud of you.
(((IslandGirl18)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 11:43 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts.
Sending you lots of healing mojo, sweetie.
Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.
hobbeskat ( member #38805) posted at 11:46 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
Such love to you. You have been so brave.
RidingHealingRd ( member #33867) posted at 11:46 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
You took a very difficult, but necessary step forward...I too say, "I am proud of you"
I can only imagine the sadness you feel right now. I would have done the exact same thing...left him.
This is why I often say, WS needs to want R more than the BS.
{IslandGirl18}
ME: 60 BS
HIM: 67 WH
Married: 35 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 10 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
brokensmile322 ( member #35758) posted at 12:02 AM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013
Hugs Island Girl. You should be so proud of yourself. Look how far you have come from the first dday.
You deserve to be loved to the fullest. Better times will be coming your way!
Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 12:55 AM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013
Wow, you have really honored yourself and I am also proud of you. I am sorry it looks like R won't be your end, but you deserve more than what you are getting.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
burnt_toast ( member #16891) posted at 1:01 AM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013
Wow, that's an admirable gesture of self-love you just did. I know how hard this must have been after all you've invested in R.
Keep on being kind to yourself for the next days.
(((IslandGirl18)))
I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 1:54 AM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013
(((hugs))) I'm so proud that you put yourself first.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 2:07 AM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013
What an incredibly difficult decision you made. I am glad you have a friend to stay with.
Here's to you IslandGirl18 and all the inner strength you possess.
LA
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
This Topic is Archived
