SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I did not slap but I have hit SAWH with pillows.

Yes, I was in an "altered" state. Not proud of it...but it happens...it really does! (that is something my therapist might say).

One of my DDay's I found texts on his phone. I hurled it across the room, truly aiming for the wall but it hit him in the top of head. Was I wrong, of course. But that was like the 7th DDay and his ass is lucky that's all I did. He actually had the audacity to threaten to call the police on me. I told him, "Do it if you're man enough. And once you hang up you better call the funeral home next because the way I feel right now, you will be dead by the time the police get here"

I know violence is never acceptable so let's just agree that I don't need to be reminded.

The night he told me, I pushed him a few times and there was one really good one that knocked him backwards into the wall.

I was so ticked.

I eventually apologized to him for that. He said it wasn't necessary, however I said it was because, that is not how I want to communicate my anger.

I hate that I did do that.

I find drinking is a common theme here. One week after Dday2 my H and I both drank too much when out of town at a conference and after dinner I caught him erasing a text from a suspected OW. I grabbed his phone and he wrestled it away from me so violently that passersby intervened. When we were alone I kicked him in the shins so hard it left scars. We are middle aged professionals and were brawling in the street.

Never mix excess alcohol and betrayal.

I also apologized.

Well I did not hit him! However, when I found out he asked the OW to take leap of faith and move to our town.(Dday) Something snapped. It felt like I had an out of body experience. . I watched myself throw a vase of roses out our front door, my ring in his face and most of his cothes down the stairs. I have never had experience like that before. I am not proud of my actions that day. I am accountable for them. I must admit it felt great throwing the roses. I also understand how easy situations such as these.Can cause people to do things they never thought they would do..

never an excuse. i understand people feeling angry, but there is never an excuse. you BW's? Can you imagine what would happen to a BH if he slapped, hit, attacked his WW? He'd be in jail. And rightfully so.

If you wouldn't want to be beat up by a man who flew into a rage, then don't fly into a rage yourself.

the law and society has a double standard. But I wouldn't rely on it. Women can go to jail too. Wouldn't you feel stupid going to jail because you tried to slap your husband, your finger got caught on his eye and you blinded him? Yeah. stupid. don't be stupid. Or maybe you're immature and evil. Maybe you'd like to permanently injure your spouse because he cheated on you? If that's the case, maybe you should divorce.

walk away. get a hold of yourself. If you want to kill your spouse, then leave. Get a divorce. Show some strength of character. get rid of the lousy fuckhead. then live well. That's the best revenge.

Sorry. I hate to read about people abusing other people. I've seen some really bad things in my life.

Unless your life is in danger you do not get a free pass to put your hands on someone else in anger. Period. DH never wanted to lay a hand on XWSO because she would not be worth getting a record over. Same with me, my XWSO took so much from me why would I risk losing more?

Many people who hit also tend to move onto children and animals too. That is what we tell women who live with men. They start with you and finish with the children. Women are no different IMO.

I have not seen this addressed, but upon confrontation my stbxwh hit me, on several occasions. Up against wall with his hands on my throat. Kicked, punched and more. We are no longer together and divorcing. Pretty fucked up that I got punished for his behavior.

I didn't want to permanently injure my WH when I slapped him..but I got to tell you..*I* AM permanently injured because of what he did.

BW's...you are not stupid. I know you feel stupid..for not noticing the red flags..for trusting your WH..because other people knew,and you didn't. You are not stupid. You are not evil because you slapped someone who had been having sex with prostitutes,your friend,men on CL. You were wrong for slapping him..but not evil. Evil,IMO,is the deliberate repeated acts of betrayal by our WS's.

Abuse is abuse. Hitting someone is abusive..and affairs are abusive. Neither are ok. And neither can be justified. Just as your WH needs IC to deal with his bullshit..so do you.

No abuse to my WW, but the OM got the full brunt of an assault of biblical proportions. I feel it was justified and I was temporarily insane!

is it ok for a BH to slap or hit his wife? How about beat her up? if not, why not?

Yes I have.. see my name.

People react out of character in extreme circumstances. I have actually beaten off a rapist because of the adrenaline that flowed and the primordial part of my brain. It was the same kind of reaction when I flipped out on DDay. The only times in my life I have ever reacted that way were when I was physically attacked and that emotional attack (and it was an assault, hence the PTSD I have suffered and is widely recognized in this area of research). My therapist, who treats spouses of SAs, said this is by far the most common reaction of spouses. Not to beat yourself up about it, as long as it is not in your normal character. I have heard spouses doing much worse things in my meetings and on here. As I have said before, if it is an isolated incident then addressing the trauma and your feelings around it will help resolve this. If it is a continuing problem, some more serious intervention is needed.

I really hope you are right, Missymomma. I have never felt so angry in all my life during the times I have been enraged over the last 5 months.

(((woman))) - It is a stage to work through. It is just such a bombshell to find out this person is nothing like they have represented themselves to be, whom you believed they were. Working through that takes some time. There is some great work that can be done on the rage/anger. It eventually clicks. it helps a lot when they start to regain their integrity but it takes a long time. When you start to see them change and behave differently, or for others divorce them and move on. I can still get mad at my SAWH but the rage is gone.