SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I found out about 4 weeks ago that my WH had a one night stand and may have a OC that is 2 years old. Not only did he cheat but he has lied to me for over 3 years about this. As soon as I found out I called our pastor and he let me know that this unfortunately was common. What is wrong with people? If you are that unhappy why don't you just leave!!! We are in MC and meeting about once a week. I was in a good space about a week ago and WH seems to think that I should be all good and should just be positive all the time. Really!! What is so freaking great about my life right now? How dare WH tell me how I should or should not feel. Tonight I finally went through all his text messages. I should have done this from the start, but I do not think I could have handled anymore information. OW sent him a text saying that she planned the whole thing. Just freaking sick. What type of person brings a child into the world that way? Sad thing is kids always find out what you did and what type of person you are in the end. Two extremely selfish people. I just want to hit something or someone. I am so angry and can not express it because our kids are always around and they do not know yet. I am a stay at home mom and now I am going back into the workforce to make sure that my two children are not hurt financially by this mess. Right now I just want to run screaming for the hills but that would hurt our two children as they love their dad. Staying sucks for me and leaving sucks for them. Arrrrgh doesn't even begin to express my level of frustration. Sick of crying! Sick of shaking! Sick of not being able to eat! Sick of this whole darn mess!!!!

Your children are young but that doesn't mean they can't know that daddy hurt mommy and it is daddy's fault..!!!! I can't stress enough how kids will get it even if you don't tell them. Make it simple, don't elaborate but your 10 year old will confront you in the future if you don't say something now.

Your kids see you every minute...they don't get why mom is falling apart. Even if you don't think you are outwardly showing the stress and pain of this you are. You may be shorter answered, you may not be able to play. They will think it is their fault. Don't set them up for that.

T

First off thank you for the advice. I let my 10 year old know that my WH had hurt me and she asked quite a few questions including if he had cheated on me. She is very intelligent and perceptive 10 year old. Our MC said this was something that my WH should tell her and not me. I let her know that she could ask daddy and that regardless of what happens between the two of us that we love her and her sister and that none of this is her fault. I agree that children resent not being told the truth in the long run and I have had a hard time not telling her the truth because I am usually completely honest with her. I think its why she was able to ask me whether he had cheated on me. If nothing else people should stop and think how their actions will hurt their children. I have been able to function and thank goodness school just started so we all get a little break from each other and can focus on other things. I will bring this issue up in MC again and find out how to proceed from here. Thanks again.

I just posted this on another thread, but if you search "How to tell the children", you will get more hits than you can read in a year.

I question your MC's advice.

I also question your H's attitude.

You're 4 weeks past jfo, and he's been lying for 3 years?

Plus an OC?

Are you doing the cooking?

I'd tell him he's getting nothing for supper (or any meals for that matter) except hot tongue and cold shoulder.

I'm so sorry. Committing adultery is enough of a horrible, toxic body-slam to a couple but a possible OC is a whole 'nother layer to the shit-sandwich that you were served. I take it that he's not paying child support or has he hidden that too? Has paternity ever been officially determined by a DNA test? And was this really a ONS? Getting pregnant after one bought of sex certainly can happen, but it's not that common. So was there more? Or if it was a ONS, was it another of her APs that actually got her pregnant?

I would so highly suggest that on Tuesday morning you call a lawyer and find out what your legal rights are and what is likely to happen if this OC is your WHs and if the OW petitions for CS (child support). This is possibly going to impact YOUR children and you need to know what the future looks like.

Some things that you need to think about. If this OC is your WHs, what contact, if any, are you going to be OK with. You can, and should, demand NC with the OW. If he wants to see the OC, then arrangements can be made for a hand-off that does not include the OW being present. If she planned this pregnancy, then she is a definite threat to your marriage.

And if you haven't already, take a look in the upper left corner, in the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Start reading, especially the part about the 180. Read any post on this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it. You may need to go to pg 2 to find all of them, but they all have good, sound practicle advice from people who have walking your path. Please come back often for support. We're all here for you. (((hugs)))