SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. What an ass!

This is why I did not go the route of the poly. They are just not reliable. People can be lying, and pass sadly.

I go with my gut.

Unfortunately, as a BS whose WH had a secret phone - He's lying.

Drop this and get the VAR. pretend all is well and since he's passed his poly, you are all smiles.

Give it some time - as soon as he sees you have not been pressing this - he will call her. And you will have definite proof.

Hugs.

Just read this thread and had to reply. Yep, he's lying about the phone. I have a Tracfone and have *never* received a spam call from them. When I have minutes added, H gets a confirmation email and I get a confirmation text. It was like this even when we had a landline (we both use cells exclusively now).

As others have said, he's probably ditched the phone by now and wasted the money he spent on minutes. Unfortunately, Tracfones are dirt cheap these days so he probably will get another one. Sorry you're going through this. It really sucks.

Question for Tracphone users-- you can call to add minutes using a credit card, correct? How does the charge show up on the bill? Does it say "Tracphone"?

OP, do you have access to the credit card statements?

Yes, you can add minutes using a credit or debit card.

That's how my husband earned his moniker, Mr. Trac-Fone; the charge showed up on a joint statement.

UPDATE:

Husband came in from work and immediately called tracfone and spoke with a rep on speaker phone.

Rep would only confirm that the tracfone in question had his office phone listed as a primary contact. She said there is no name tied to the acct. That was all she would say.

So I took husband's phone and went outside to talk to the woman. I explained our circumstances and how critical it was for me to verify one way or the other this tracfone belonged to or did not belong to my husband.

It took a lot of cajoling, but this is the information she finally gave me:

It is a touch screen phone purchased for $59.99 from a store in our city. It was purchased in the last 2 days, both those days husband was out running errands alone. It was activated yesterday. It has calling, text messaging, email, internet and photo (sending and receiving) capability. She could not give me the tracphone number or any information about the owner. As of right now, there is no name assigned to the phone.

My husband is livid. Being set up by someone who chose his desk phone number (which is an extension within his medium-sized company) to attach to this phone and there is no way to prove his innocence.

The customer service rep supervisor offered to call the phone and explain the crisis (as generally as she can) this has created in my marriage to the owner. She is going to ask the owner to call me (who knows if he/she will, assuming it's not my husband) to confirm this phone is not my husband's.

I still *want* to *want* to believe him. But all this information stacking up makes what already looked suspicious now look pretty certain.

If, by some miracle, he proves to be innocent, I'm hoping this becomes a milestone learning lesson for him about the long-term cost of violating his spouse's trust.

My Daughter runs a tracfone. Your H has set up an alt number for messages. I get reminder and thankyou messages on my home phone about my daughter's tracfone.

Other than using a credit/debit card he could also use cash to by a refill card anywhere and type the numbers in or call from the TF to fill.

You would need his phone number to call TF to get any information.

Look on his real cell bill. See if there are any odd numbers. Maybe he has given the phone to the OW and never thought about a thankyou message coming through.

That isn't SPAM.

ETA: Don't let him call TF to verify there isn't an acct under his name. I registered my Daughter's phone using only my initials.

[This message edited by hitbyatruck at 6:59 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

How can they confirm time added if they won't verify the trac phone #?

Are you sure he even called Tracphone and not somebody to cover for him?

Hitbyatruck, can you explain what you mean "he set up an alternate number for messages"?

Stillgoing, they have all these privacy rules and getting them to break them is nearly impossible. My husband made the call, but I looked up the number and keyed it into his phone. We were on hold forever, it seemed.

They refused to give me the number because all callers are identified by their tracfone number and we (I, at least) didn't have that. She reluctantly looked up the account by my husband's desk phone number (where the voicemail confirming adding airtime was sent) and gave me the information I listed above. I sorta had to put my pride in my pocket and beg to get what little I got. haha

I still call bullshit.

What I meant by alternate number is what you called primary contact. TF has your H's desk phone listed on the acct.

I highly doubt someone bought a TF for 60 and registered it to your H's work number using his name (the message had his name in it, correct?)

IF IF IF and I mean on the way off chance someone is screwing with him they could have bought the TF for 9.99 instead of 59.99.

I have never called TF without a considerable hold time and it is always someone foreign.

Your H has that phone or bought it for someone else. They are way too hard to track. I would think your H has already removed his work phone number from the acct. He can use cash to purchase any more airtime.

I also set up an email for my daughter's phone but he really could have attached any old email he wanted to the phone.

tracfone also has a facebook page that you can use for help. you can chat with a live agent or submit a support ticket.

They usually ask for the serial number and phone number. So not sure how much help that would be.

Oh, ffs.

I hate situations like this. I found myself in this type of conundrum a couple of years ago. (Now)stbx *had* to go on a business trip. Agreement was -- no alcohol. He called me and it sounded as if he had been drinking but he said that he hadn't. The guy was about 10 states away from me at the time. I *know* what I heard and I heard what he *told me*. Problem was that I couldn't *prove* my suspicions. I posted about it and everyone was pretty much screaming at me to 'trust my gut' and believe in myself and my own perceptions. (btw, I still have no idea what the *real* answer is).

Being set up by someone who chose his desk phone number

So does this explanation pass the *sniff* test for you?

Is there someone in your WH's life that has the energy/time to expend on something like this just to cause a *problem* for him? Was his OW a co-worker? Does it make sense that someone has such an axe to grind with your WH that s/he is going to spend $60(ish) on a phone, and then add additional minutes to it?

(A *confirmation of minutes added* is NOT spam.)

Whatever happens with this I just want to say how sorry I am you're going through this....

I'm confused, he is claiming that *someone* has "set him up" by buying a phone and somehow using his work phone with an extension # as the alternate phone #? Or, are we to believe is it to be some random weird cosmic mistake, wrong #, with an extension # ? Made all the more random by the fact that it happened to someone who has some type of infidelity in their history (as you have not said what type)and therefore, a BS with trust issues. Really?

My husband is livid. Being set up by someone who chose his desk phone number (which is an extension within his medium-sized company) to attach to this phone and there is no way to prove his innocence.

I don't know if I'm understanding this right. Sooo...his story is that someone set him up by buying a $60 phone, using his work number as an alternate number and then spending money to add minutes. What would this person be getting for their money? How would they know that you would intercept a voicemail message and find out about a phone that is not in his possession and that you would have likely not have found out about any other way...at least no time soon.

If someone wanted to set your husband up so badly that they would spend money to do so, does it make any sense whatsoever for them to do it in a way that is so covert that the chances of anyone finding out about it was slim to none?!?

That story would make me more suspicious than the phone call because now he is expecting you to believe something that is VERY hard to believe. I would think that his anger about being "set up" was a cover for him actually being angry (and maybe embarrassed and disappointed!) that just days into his brilliant Tracfone plan and he is messed up and got found out.

There is a chance that he's being sincere but when just looking at the facts, that seems SUUUUUUPER unlikely. Add in his history and...yeah. I'm sorry Spinningwheel. I hope whatever happens next will be something that will give you peace in the path that you choose.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 12:56 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

i innocently looked at my h email account a few years ago and discovered a dirty email that he sent. it said..."when can i get some more of that pus%y?" i was devastated. i confronted him, and he told me that he had been skyping and talking dirty to this woman who is a whore and sleeps with a friend of his. he said that they talked dirty on skype.

he apologized profusely....and said that it was just dirty talk. now, at the time, i just didnt want to believe my gut. so, i let it go, and believed him. i didnt want to believe what was staring right in front of me.

turns out that the person he was emailing was not someone on skype...and sure she was messing around with his friend...but my h was cheating with her as well.

a few months later, i found another questionable email to a woman who he was calling "babe" in the email...and talking to her about how he was going to help her find a contractor. the tone of the email was very personal. i sent an email to this woman inquiring...and she "reassured" me that her and my h had a business relationship...and that their relationship was strictly platonic. my h even got pissed at me that day for sending this woman an email....accusing me of embarrassing him at his job. i felt terrible...thinking i was jumping the gun.

well fast forward 9 months later, i learned that the woman was actually his mistress. i learned this after discovering a dirty sext message to this same woman at 4am.

it was all a bunch of BS...he had been cheating the whole time.

so, my point that i want to convey is this...if it looks and sounds like a bunch of BS....100% of the time, it is just that...BS..

trust your gut...you already know he is lying to you.

we all know when we find ourselves in these kind of situations....we know we are being lied to but just dont want to accept the unbelieveable.

i remember crying to my mom saying..."i cant believe he did this!" and my mom said..."you better believe it. he did that. life is not like it is on tv."

my suggestion would be as others have said...drop it. he will only keep lying to you...no matter what proof you gather. if you really want to know the truth...and that is another serious question to ask yourself. if you want to know though....you can find out. there is always a way...and the investigative tip forum has a lot of great suggestions. such a var.

stay strong....and only trust your gut. we all know you love him, but love is not the issue right now, you know?

There is also the possibility that he deliberately waited to take an affair underground until after he had passed a polygraph.

Housefulloflove makes some really compelling points about how a person who was setting your husband up would know that you might check the voicemail. While I'm not beyond believing there could be someone devious enough, I find it hard to believe that the set up occurred in this particular manner when there was no guarantee you'd be the one to get the message.

My feeling is that he either has a tracfone or he bought one for someone else. I'd start watching for an odd number everywhere and then I'd call tracfone and give that as the number and see where it goes. Of course, now that you know about it, he may just ditch it and get a new number. My daughter's ex-boyfriend changes tracfone numbers like underwear.

My problem with polygraph is that it is not 100% accurate. Answers can be twisted logically to be true for the person answering and there are those who can flat out beat it. I don't like the amount of stock people feel it holds. I'm sorry I know it was important to you but behaviors speak louder then anything else.

He is not livid.

He is scared.

He thought he would be safe because he didn't register that phone under his name..he was not counting on you baring your soul to the TF customer service rep. He figured he would call,they would say no name was registered,and that would be it..sure you might still be suspicious..but ..HEY! He called them..he did *everything* he could to show you it wasn't his phone..

It's his phone.

He is lying.

The rep said she would explain the situation to the owner of the phone and ask that they call you and tell you it's not your WH's phone. Yeah..she'll call..tell your WH what is going on..and he will have a buddy..or a buddy's girlfriend call you and tell you there's some sort of silly mix up..don't fall for it.

He is lying.

Privacy is not really the issue. There are other means of identifying an account, primarily the number they used to contact him in the first place and his payment. If the payment was HIS card, they can answer a yes/no at the very least, and if they were calling HIS number then I'm baffled at their refusal to provide any information at all.