SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Here is a nice article about forgiveness, something that I'm really struggling with.

http://www.soulseeds.com/grapevine/2010/11/the-power-of-forgiveness/

I really loved the story that is quoted in the article from Mark Nepo's book "The Book of Awakening."

I also found this article about infidelity and forgiveness that gave me a lot to think about:

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/forgiving-the-unforgivable-and-ending-your-own-suffering/

[This message edited by sable at 10:14 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

Thanks for sharing. I too am working on forgiveness and the articles were interesting and helpful.

I love that opening story with the old woman.

Forgiveness is important for the people you live with. For the rest I'm just gonna imagine pushing those fuckers into the lake. Maybe drink a beer at a campfire on the shore and watch the sun go down as they flail around spluttering and sinking. Maybe I should buy a pellet gun.

Great link. Being in the moment is a great place to be, any tools you can use to get there are tools worth keeping.

Ha - thanks for the laugh, stillgoing.

I am a fairly peaceful person, but OW was a friend and I am having a push in the lake day after hearing some new information last night.

I love that opening story with the old woman.

Best story I have read in a while.

For me, after a lot of meditation and continued practice, forgiveness is not for everyone. People earn it when they change. If those people are no longer in my life (OM, etc) I simply let them go and let hope seep into me that they have changed. Holding on to it does me no good. If they don't change I leave them be. If they persist I would toss them in the lake if I can get away with it...otherwise focus on the moments. Not many people fall into different categories....

My W. She is forgiven. I was talking with her about it in bed the other night. She asked me how I was doing with all the A stuff because we haven't talked about it in a while. I told her really good. I told her at some point along the way I realized a few things:

A had nothing to do with me

A had nothing to do with MY M

I was tired of wasting my moments on it

When I said, for better or for worse I meant it. This was some of the worse parts and I assess the entire situation, her behavior that has followed, and granted her grace. She doesn't owe me anything other than what she owes herself: Find out who she is, be that and be honest with me about it.

She kissed me rolled over and started crying. She still struggles. Not that I want her to be in pain, but she should struggle until she figures it out for herself. She needs to forgive herself to heal. I will listen, provide insight when asked, but I can't do that for her.

Our journeys belong to us alone.

take care...

I really enjoyed these articles, sable.

They definitely emphasize the peace that you can get through forgiveness.

In my experience, it is a fight to get there, but it is a fight worth fighting, because it results in peace. That's my goal anyway, and I think I am getting there.

These articles helped me refocus on that goal a bit more today, so thank you.

I struggled with forgiveness for a very long time. Then a very close friend of mine gave me a book. I'll tell you, it changed me in so many positive ways. It showed me how to let go and forgive. It literally happened overnight.

I highly recommend it.

Forgiveness, The Greatest Healer of All

Gerald G. Jampolsky MD, author of Love is Letting Go of Fear and forewarded by Neale Donale Walsch author of Conversations with God.

I'm rather more like a thimble. But it works for me.

I'm rather more like a thimble. But it works for me.

So you're like a size 0, or have to pee all the time because your bladder is tiny? I have to pee all the time when I drink too much coffee. If I was going to be anything I'd like to be a growler. Not because it's a half gallon or anything, just that the word "growler" sounds awesome.

If I was going to be anything I'd like to be a growler.

And is normally full of beer. Can we all agree that beer is an acceptable replacement for forgiveness? Oh maybe that is just Friday talking. Or maybe it's because my W sent me a text that Bell's Two Hearted Ale was on sale and she bought a case. Now that is earning forgiveness. Now that is love.

Seriously...good work Sable...forgiveness make one feel better.

Take care...

Or maybe it's because my W sent me a text that Bell's Two Hearted Ale was on sale and she bought a case. Now that is earning forgiveness. Now that is love.

Yeah, my recovering WW worms her way back into my good graces using similar tactics. And preparing meals that I like. I know what she's doing but am powerless to resist good beer and food. Damn her

Yeah but if you fill my thimble full of beer, especially if it is Pliny the Elder in that there growler, then I REALLY have to pee!

Also, this reminds me it's beer friday time in Menz.

I think it is about time I stage a riot because there is no wimmenz in which to have beer time.

And yes, now I have to pee.

psst - Rebreather - there IS a wommenz in ICR. It is just suffering from delayed awesomeness due to low turn out.

I feel like someone is calling my name...??

lol

Great article!

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 5:09 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

@wert:

My W. She is forgiven. I was talking with her about it in bed the other night. She asked me how I was doing with all the A stuff because we haven't talked about it in a while. I told her really good. I told her at some point along the way I realized a few things:

A had nothing to do with me

A had nothing to do with MY M

I was tired of wasting my moments on it

When I said, for better or for worse I meant it. This was some of the worse parts and I assess the entire situation, her behavior that has followed, and granted her grace. She doesn't owe me anything other than what she owes herself: Find out who she is, be that and be honest with me about it.

She kissed me rolled over and started crying. She still struggles. Not that I want her to be in pain, but she should struggle until she figures it out for herself. She needs to forgive herself to heal. I will listen, provide insight when asked, but I can't do that for her.

Our journeys belong to us alone.

Cut it out, fella. That just made me tear up. On a Saturday afternoon. My BW forgives me. Has given me the same gift you've given your WW. And like your wife, I cry, too.

Your words reflect well on the type of person you are. Your wife is a lucky woman. Just like me.

JD

Thanks for sharing, sable, I enjoyed the articles and pretty much concur with most of it.

However, I don't believe that you necessarily become "bitter" if you don't forgive someone. I haven't forgiven OW. I probably will someday, or at least be "meh" about OW, which to me probably means I forgave OW. OW will just be irrelevant, just doesn't matter one iota. In the meantime, I am not bitter.

I also don't "work" on forgiveness, I don't wrestle with it, I don't ponder it. At the same time, I don't try not to forgive. Forgiveness to me just "is" or "isn't". For me it happens as a process. A process of me working through the issues that the offense/person has brought into my life. I have found, usually, once I am to a place of healing and acceptance, that forgiveness is right there, too.

I honestly feel that many here spend way too much time focusing on "forgiveness". Give yourselves a break. Give yourself time. It may take days, weeks, months, a year, a decade or more, but just be open to forgiveness, and you may find that without even knowing it, you have forgiven.

I'm with Sister. If it happens it happens. From what I read it happens gradually. And if I never get there, it may or may not be a good enough marriage.