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Now she wants to go to dinner, telling me that it's "hard to let go of someone you've lived with for 20 years".

I would tell her "First, go to some IC sessions to figure out why you feel it's hard to let go, and why you left in the first place. Then we go to dinner and you can tell me about it."

Otherwise, this is just some pity party session for her to get sympathy from you. Until she owns her shit, what else is worth hearing from her? Nada...

I would tell her "First, go to some IC sessions to figure out why you feel it's hard to let go, and why you left in the first place. Then we go to dinner and you can tell me about it."

Otherwise, this is just some pity party session for her to get sympathy from you. Until she owns her shit, what else is worth hearing from her? Nada...

Good advice, Jduff. As much as I try to find the right response, I keep returning to no response at all. Because she doesn't deserve it, and since she has never shown an ounce of remorse(or at least told me so), I'm not going to forget about the hurt and the pain she inflicted on me and the kids.

Silence speaks volumes.

Every action has a reaction; every action has a consequence.

Too little, too late on her part.

Move forward and don't look back.

Good for you and here's to your future happy.

As much as I try to find the right response, I keep returning to no response at all.

You never really do have to follow through on that dinner. But if she actually does take your advice, she would eventually have to face the truth. You know that's going to hurt her as much as she hurt you, if not more. Who knows, maybe her conscious bothers her enough she has to tell everyone she had gaslighted along the way of her awful truth of her A.

But then, that's her problem.

Time to heal you. Do what you feel serves YOU best to bring inner peace.

Sounds as if life with the horse trainer is beginning to pall. Now she is looking back at her marriage with you and wondering if she made the right choice.

I think having dinner with her sends a message that you are willing to be friends, which you are not. Just don't reply.

You never really do have to follow through on that dinner. But if she actually does take your advice, she would eventually have to face the truth. You know that's going to hurt her as much as she hurt you, if not more. Who knows, maybe her conscious bothers her enough she has to tell everyone she had gaslighted along the way of her awful truth of her A.

But then, that's her problem.

Time to heal you. Do what you feel serves YOU best to bring inner peace.

JDuff: During all of this, I wanted to show my kids(both of them adults - daughters, 28 and 26) that I was the better person. I have never uttered a single negative thing to them about their Mom, but I have good reason to suspect that she has gone out of her way to try to poison my r'ship with my kids. And that is something that I don't think she knows.....she hasn't a clue about how much I have gleaned from just reading her emails (she was stupid enough to never change her Gmail password and I followed every little sinister thing that she was trying over the course of 6-7 mos....a blessing and a curse)

I think my conscious efforts to be the better person have paid dividends. I am closer to my daughters now than I have ever been, and we don't have the constant tension of their Mom's craziness casting a pall on our relationship.

Just became a grandfather for the 1st time, and though this is not how I envisioned it (I always looked as us growing old together and doting on grandkids in the back yard), I am still enjoying becoming closer to my daughter, son-in-law, and my new grandbaby.

The only time I ever involved my kids in this was on D-Day + 2, when ex-wife had told me she was staying with my oldest daughter, and I drove 50 miles to her house on a Saturday night just to prove that ex was not telling the truth. I apologized profusely to my daughter, and told her that I would never drag her into this awful mess again.