This Topic is Archived
jrc1963 (original poster member #26531) posted at 10:06 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Do you think that 12 is too young to witness a grown man going thru drug addiction withdraw?
Here's the backstory:
DS12's dad has a live-in girlfriend who has a grown son (30's). The grown son was living in Utah and he is addicted to pain killers. The son wants to get off the pain killers, and his mom wants to help him, so they brought the son here to Florida to live with them during his detox.
DS goes to his dad's on alternating weekends, and this weekend he would be at his dad.
His dad emailed me to let me know what was happening and gave me all the info and left the decision up to me.
So... Do you think a 12 year old should be allowed to witness a 30 year old man going thru the DT's?
TIA
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 10:09 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
It depends on the 12yr old.
It'd also depend on how much you trust your ex to keep your DS safe in that situation.
Some kids would benefit from seeing the harsh realities of making poor choices.
Others would be freaked by it.
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
jrc1963 (original poster member #26531) posted at 10:13 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
My son is very empathetic and I think it would freak him out a lot.
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 10:14 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Wow. I don't know...
I think it would be a good lesson on addiction, but what if the guy goes nuts??
I think I would have to say no to visitation right now. Maybe let DS watch an episode of 'Intervention' so he can get a picture of what's going on without being directly involved.
Tough decision, (((Jrc))).
ETA: Just saw your post about him being an empath. Don't let him see that. It will do far more harm than good. 
[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 4:16 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]
jrc1963 (original poster member #26531) posted at 10:17 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
What I don't know... couldn't know... is the unpredictability of detoxing from pain killers.
All I know about the DT's is what I've seen in movies and tv shows.
Ex seems to think 30 year old will just be throwing up a lot.
But I can envision unpredictable or violent behavior. At the very least I think this guy will probably be in a lot of pain and misery.
Also, is it fair to 30 year old to have a 12 year old watching him be sick?
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 10:19 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
He'll never be able to unsee/unhear what he witnesses.
I would say no.
FWIW, kudos to your X. Not too many would even let the other parent have a voice.
AJ's MOM
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 10:21 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
In the words of Nancy, just say "No". Drugs and drug withdrawal DO introduce the possibility of psychosis and violence. It probably WON'T happen, but what if it did?? It's not worth the risk, IMO.
jrc1963 (original poster member #26531) posted at 10:21 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
AJ's mom... My ex and I have a decent relationship and I'm glad he did tell me ahead of time for sure.
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 10:28 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
I wouldn't advise it, jrc.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 10:30 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
I don't have any direct experience with this, but I would lean towards no. Doesn't hurt to err on the side of safety and caution.
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 10:39 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Not your 12 year old with just his dad to walk him through, no. Maybe if you were there to help him process, but you won't be. His dad isn't as conscientious, if I recall correctly.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
jrc1963 (original poster member #26531) posted at 10:52 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Ama! You are correct.
And I certainly don't want to subject myself to that nightmare.
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 11:04 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
JRC, I have detoxed from prescription painkillers. Several times. It. Was. Not. Pretty.
It was awful. I threw up. I shook. I cried. I felt like my skin was on fire and there were bugs crawling under it. I am so very thankful that my kids never witnessed me like that. I cannot imagine a 12 year old witnessing it.
Just, no. 
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
jrc1963 (original poster member #26531) posted at 11:27 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
HFSSC...
Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate you sharing something that I am sure was painful.
Do you mind if I copy it and forward it to the ex? I doubt he has any idea what's about to happen in his house.
I did suggest that if he wanted to see DS this weekend we could work it out where he took him out on Saturday for golf or something and then bring him back here so he doesn't have to witness this.
Waiting to hear back.
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 11:30 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Since you've gotten good advice I will simply add my "Not a chance in hell" opinion. While I have compassion for the young man, that would be incredibly awkward and potentially frightening for your son. Talk about an elephant in the room. I would suspend visits until it was better. And I think his dad was good to inform you. 
Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.
hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 11:47 PM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
Getting off of opiates should be done in a facility. It will be emotionally painful for all of those involved.
Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single
completeshock ( member #19334) posted at 12:03 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
No kids here so take this with a grain of salt, but I say don't let him see it. I witnessed a friend detox this summer, it was a tough thing to watch and I am a lot older than 12. Maybe his dad can pick him up and they can go out somewhere, maybe he and his dad can discuss it if he has questions. I think at 12 he is old enough to know and not be left in the dark, but he shouldn't see it.
Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 12:16 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
JRC, no problem at all. I am an open book when it comes to my recovery. It's ugly, but it's the truth. Please share if it will help.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
JustDone ( member #9742) posted at 12:21 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Do you think a 12 year old should be allowed to witness a 30 year old man going thru the DT's?
As a mother and as a former Social Worker my answer is no.
Madhatter
Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.
jrc1963 (original poster member #26531) posted at 12:23 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Thanks HFSSC
Thanks everyone for the advice.
His dad agreed to just taking him out for the day on Saturday and not doing any overnight this weekend.
You all confirmed my gut instincts of it not being a good idea.
Thanks again!
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
This Topic is Archived
