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Camalus (original poster member #40199) posted at 9:57 PM on Monday, September 16th, 2013
My WW had her first IC session this morning. It must have really shaken her up as she has been doing a lot of crying and has been very withdrawn since the appointment. Is this a good sign or a bad sign? Or am I trying see something where nothing exists?
I have not (and will not) ask about her IC, but WW volunteered the therapist called her out on ‘some stuff’ and told her if she expected to still be married in five years she was going to have to stop lying to herself as the first step. I guess he was pretty blunt about it when he told her. She also has some homework to start before her next session (Thursday morning). I hope she is willing to continue with this guy. Our agreement is if she doesn’t like him after three sessions she can find a different one.
WW is also asking why I haven’t questioned her about the affair. I told her I needed to wait until we are in MC. That I felt MC would be a safer environment for me to ask and her to answer. She said she is dreading MC and my questions but can’t undo what she has done. Again, I am wondering if her dreading MC is a good sign, bad sign, or no sign.
Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs
Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.
frankier ( member #33901) posted at 11:32 PM on Monday, September 16th, 2013
T&C - good to hear that your wife finally agreed to IC. I'd say that by itself this is a good sign.
Based on my experience, I would not read much into her reaction to the first session. She must have felt as a weight had been lifted from her chest and is just letting it all out.
Me BS 48 - Her WS 39 (at the time)
DDay 7/5/10 1/yr EA/PA
DS1 12 DS2 8
OK now ( member #14459) posted at 3:21 AM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2013
Ask her to write out all the affair details and give it to you just before the MC; then you will both be better prepared for the subsequent discussion.
I'm not surprised she is dreading MC. She has to suddenly relate all the messy sordid story and has no idea how you will take it. You might go ballistic and end the marriage, or break down in tears. The suspense must be killing her.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:50 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2013
Glad to hear she went.
Only time will tell if she is sad because she is overwhelmed by the pain she caused or becasue she is afraid of what will happen next now that you know.
((((and strength))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
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