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rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 9:55 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
If you knew my husband at all, you would know that he is a very private man who chooses to keep whatever issues we have in our marriage at home.
translation: pretty please don't tell my husband or I am cooked.
ILINIA ( member #39836) posted at 9:58 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
((Old Cow)) I know this is painful for you, but wow! I want your fire!
It doesn't seem like either of them are concerned about the BS's feelings. I think if her BS knew about the A and knew they were at lunch, he would be just as angry. It does seem like he is in the dark.
I think it is even better that it is an the work email and that you threw it back into her face.
OldCow18 (original poster member #39670) posted at 9:58 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Demos, as soon as I tracked him I freaked the eff out and called him and told him that he needed to immediately take a picture of who was at his table and send it to me, which he did, but he failed to include OW in the pic, ass. The birthday woman and his boss were in the pic, in the restaurant I tracked him to.
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13
StrongerOne ( member #36915) posted at 10:00 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Cc it to the OW's H. Make sure it gets there -- use all of his email addresses you can find, work address, home address....
Scorched earth, baby!
traditoperanni ( member #32660) posted at 10:01 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
No 2X4 from me. I totally get it. And if it makes you feel better, good. However,
Do not believe for a minute the nonsense
about OW's H shouldn't know because he would tell HR. Really? he'd tell HR on his W? He would have that embarrassment ? I seriously doubt it. He needs to know. Then you'll see how fast this shit stops.
Good Luck.
Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 10:03 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
but he failed to include OW in the pic, ass
Yeah, he just doesn't get it. No transparency.
Scorched earth, baby!
That would be my next move for sure.
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
OldCow18 (original poster member #39670) posted at 10:12 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
I just read her response again, and I KNOW he sat with her while they drafted that as it is his story EXACTLY. And now I'm contemplating a polygraph, wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND.
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13
Zayda1 ( member #35387) posted at 10:14 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
To be honest if this was my WH I would be contacting a divorce lawyer. He is still lying.
I would also forward any information you have regarding the affair to the OBS. He has a right to know what is happening in his marriage.
Married 10 years, together for 12 years
2 children (9 years & 6 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)
annb ( member #22386) posted at 10:28 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
OldCow,
You need to inform the OW husband.
My WH, OW, and OW husband worked for the same company. I was afraid to tell OW H because of retribution or whatever. Big mistake. I did, however, force OW to tell her BS or I would. She did, I verified, and had a couple of email exchanges with her BS.
There is no way in hell her husband wants the world to know that his wife is a homewrecking whore, the company mattress. Trust me, he will not go to HR. It will be too humiliating for the entire office to know.
[This message edited by annb at 4:29 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:36 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
(((OldCow18)))
First I wanted to say bravo for sending the letter. All bets are off once NC gets broken in my eyes 
All I have got to say is:
Expose ... expose ... expose
to her BS, to her workplace, possibly friends
and then my consequence for the WH would be to quit the job. I made my WH fire MOW even with the risk of her pushing a sexual harassment suit (she didn't).
I went on a warpath and I have never been sorry for it. 
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
tryin2havefaith ( member #37165) posted at 10:47 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Just in case OW is watching his email, send it to his job certified so that ONLY he can sign for it. But I agree with others, OBH needs to know the truth.
ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 9/2011
G2HB
4-6 months of TT'ing
11/2012- Thanks for the HPV!!!
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects"-
WIgirl ( member #40533) posted at 10:47 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
I LOVED your letter. I think I could have written it almost word for word.
Tell her husband. I waited 3 months to tell and I wish I would have done it sooner. Like others have said, he will likely be way too embarrassed to actually tell HR. Or, you can have a heart to heart with him and ask him not to tell given that you and your children need financial security. I had a similar conversation with the OBS in my f'ed up situation.
Me: 39 yo BW
Him: 41 yo WH
2 daughters (9, 6); married 16 yrs
DD: 6/2/13 (5 mo EA/PA with coworker)
Divorced 7/17/15
mightsurvive ( new member #38794) posted at 10:51 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Tell the BS! I talked to my husbands AP and my husband who both had the same story of being only friends. Finally trusting my gut I informed OBS and magically the affair stopped and my husband confessed to its full extent.
Please realize she is lying
BW 37-me
WH 40
Kids
Dday Dec 2011
Reconciling
ShedSomeLight ( member #40212) posted at 11:11 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
awww. Wish I could send a letter like that ! I commend you and know that I must of made you feel better. I am currently cannot contact the OW because she stalked me and I have a police case pending. I am waiting the day that she goes to court and get convicted....then I will write a letter to her for sure. You go Girl.... :)
MsRukia ( member #40219) posted at 11:15 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
I wish I could send a letter. I think I would feel so much better. Good for you for sending it. I would tell OBS. And as far as your WH, he is not ready for reconciling. He is still spending time with her.
BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.
Sal1995 ( member #39099) posted at 11:16 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
100% bull$hit in my opinion. I would bet paychecks this is a lie.
I agree with demos. I'd make the same bet and give 2 to 1 odds to any takers. Complete b.s. Probably the same thing I'd say if trying to bullshit someone into not telling my spouse. Bet she's freaking out right now. Good 
Getting to Happy ( member #35200) posted at 11:22 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
I just read her response again, and I KNOW he sat with her while they drafted that as it is his story EXACTLY. And now I'm contemplating a polygraph, wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND.
UGH! He is colluding and defending her...
Count me on on...
SCORCHED EARTH...!
Skip the polygraph, you already know he broke NC. This is crunch time!
Expose their nasty trysts and her stupid breathless emails about her 'smoopy lurrve/troll sex' with your husband! And please include all of those nasty sexting pics on all played out on the company emails.
Their betrayal and dirty sex acts will not stand the light of day.
If he cannot have transparency, honesty AND fidelity to you his wife and mother of his children after you have given him the ultimate gift of R...well...please just set their hair on fire and expose them!
Do this for your mental health and for the well being of your children.
WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown
njgal480 ( member #24938) posted at 11:24 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
I loved your letter!
Now..tell her husband.
Don't believe for one minute that he knows.
Trust me-he won't tell HR.
But, the contact between his WW and your husband will end mighty fast!
Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.
PhoenixRisen ( member #35912) posted at 11:49 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
agreed tell her BH.
ALOT of APs vocab was similar to my ex when we was lying~lying~lying. I didn't buy it then and I certainly dont buy it now for you.
Also (((hugs))) yes, it is bizarroland that that we (BS) feel we need to polygraph our spouses *sigh* who would have thought this was going to be our M?
seenow ( member #40720) posted at 11:59 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
These things thrive in secrecy. Tell everybody! The other BS in my situation knew for 2 years before I found out and they were still involved in an EA. I wish he would have told me.
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