SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oh so sorry it's a trigger..

But I too am a BW and I have played the game and I plan on getting GTA V which I love by the way..Believe it or not it was my daughter and I that played while my H was fucking his bitch. And he hates video games.

Perhaps you are over reacting and it's not really not sexually alluring but I understand that you are upset by it. Honestly as a player it's more just fun even if it's a bit warped.

Focus on other aspects that work towards R and his behaviours. Think of it this way better that he play GRA then be online or out. But I would say not xbox live on any games.

Sorry and sending hugs

Okay, I am about as dorky as it gets when it comes to gaming but the GTA series is not a storytelling masterpiece anymore than the Bloodsport movies are.

That said even if Bloodsport is the epitome of Martial Arts documentaries I think she's allowed to say she doesn't want it in her house if her H has a history of violence, as it were.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 10:14 PM, September 27th (Friday)]

That said even if Bloodsport is the epitome of Martial Arts documentaries I think she's allowed to say she doesn't want it in her house if her H has a history of violence, as it were.

Exactly. Some folks might see Bloodsport or GTA or whatever as enjoyable entertainment, and that's fine. For other folks, it hits a little too close to reality/home, so it's not a viable way to relax - can actually bring up traumatic thoughts and feelings instead. After the Sandy Hook Shooting, I asked H not to play gun-based video games around me, and he respected that for a few weeks. Both to avoid the horrible images/crying and also out of respect for those kids. Everyone's got their own reactions. In a marriage, ideally you care about each others' reactions and difficulties with certain things because you care about each other, and you support each other as best you can. A sign of teamwork.

Okay, I am about as dorky as it gets when it comes to gaming but the GTA series is not a storytelling masterpiece anymore than the Bloodsport movies are.

Don't know about GTA V, I only ever finished San Andreas. That one seemed to have a pretty good story, with a lot of social commentary about the era built into it. The series also has character arcs that span multiple games titles. Maybe you like the story, maybe you don't. It's okay to have different tastes.

That said even if Bloodsport is the epitome of Martial Arts documentaries I think she's allowed to say she doesn't want it in her house if her H has a history of violence, as it were.

Kinda cover that I think.

There are no role models to emulate. That doesn't make the game any worse than watching Breaking Bad, though if your spouse just got out of prison after serving time for cooking meth, I can see why you would not want them to be watching Breaking Bad.

The problem is this: if we are going to talk Breaking Bad, it's like talking Breaking Bad in a rehab center full of freshly admitted addicts. Yeah a bunch of them may not be junkies but discussion of the depths of Walter Whites character is really out of place given the context of the environment, regardless of the storytelling quality.

Hi BeyondBreaking!

Please, do NOT take any ownership of the "discussion" that transpires here. GTA games contain a huge amount of cultural, political and societal overtones so it's completely normal for people to engage in debates when these topics are involved. I'm very sorry as those side discussions started to thread-jack your original query...

To answer your original issue- did you over-react? I can say quite clearly from my opinion, yes you did... BUT I would also interject I would expect this being a BS myself and consider it quite normal and even in some ways, healthy.

Imagine a 3-tour Iraq soldier finally being returned home. As you're walking down the street, a car backfires and he immediately panics and runs for cover. Did he overreact to a car back-firing? Sure, he absolutely did. Is there anything wrong with this? Nope, nothing at all.

As victims of infidelity, we're suffering from a form of PTSD similar to the above scenario. You over-reacted from a trigger brought on by that game. I similarly over-react when I am triggered. It's part of the PTSD-like fallout that infidelity creates.. period.

We're all here because we're suffering from this. Our lives got turned upside down from infidelity and we're all here to support one another in this painful and suckful experience.

Your WS put you in this mode with his infidelity. If he wants to save the marriage then he needs to get USED TO you "over-reacting." From this trigger and likely many more. This is the human cost of infidelity.

The only thing I was trying to do was explain that his part in this was likely very innocent and just a stupid and insensitive mistake. These GTA games may contain sexual content, but it's truly portrayed in such a NON-sexual way that the connection likely never entered his mind.

In some ways, it's like if my WS bought an SNL Greatest Episodes boxed set. She might watch the Chris Farley male stripper scene and laugh at it, yet I may trigger from it as though she planned all along to buy the set with intentions to get aroused looking at male strippers, whereas THIS is the reality...

Many hugs to you!

[This message edited by MediumRare at 2:29 AM, September 28th (Saturday)]

When shopping with my kids this evening we overheard someone mentioning GTA. My son asked me about the game as he'd heard some kids mention it. I told him he would not be playing it in my home. It would only happen over my dead body.

STBX does not get to send shitty junk food home with the kids to be eaten here. He does not get to send shitty movies home to watch on my TV during my time. He's bought them a couple of shitty books (innocently, he just couldn't be bothered to read the book cover to know the book was entirely inappropriate), I've confiscated the books until children are older.

Not in my house.

You get to decide what happens in your house. You. Yes, it makes you the bad guy sometimes. Too bad, so sad, that's being a parent.

Imagine a 3-tour Iraq soldier finally being returned home. As you're walking down the street, a car backfires and he immediately panics and runs for cover. Did he overreact to a car back-firing? Sure, he absolutely did. Is there anything wrong with this? Nope, nothing at all.

This is the problem right here. That is not what this is like.

That soldier is in a safe environment responding to stimuli that has nothing to do with weapons fire other than it is loud and sudden. She is responding to stimuli that is very much related to the source of that stated PTSD. Your analogy would work better if the PTSD vet found himself next to an enemy soldier holding a weapon, and then an argument ensues that he'd be overreacting to take the guy down because there were no bullets in the gun and he wasn't making hostile gestures with it, and plenty of people can handle firearms responsibly.

This is the problem right here. That is not what this is like.

The problem with this thread is that some people are arguing semantics. Another issue is some posters have become experts on the game without actually seeing it or playing it.

At the end of the day all of that is bullshit and irrelevant. We all agree that beyondbreaking need her WH to be supportive of her. I honestly would be interested if Beyondbreaking has an update and see if we can support her further.

The arguing about... nothing? isn't productive

I don't have to be an expert in GTA5 to know the content is inappropriate.

WTF cares if the strippers are pretty? He had sex with a stripper in the game. He cheated on his wife. This game is a problem for her. He may have to give up the video game? Boofuckinhoo.

[This message edited by confused615 at 8:19 AM, September 28th (Saturday)]

This game is a problem for her. He may have to give up the video game? Boofuckinhoo.

Pretty sure everyone agrees with that

Ok. I was commenting on the topic..not trying to argue the merits of a violent video games that have ugly strippers who give lap dances and fuck. Some people are ok with it..some people find it offensive. There's no need to argue with those who don't share your opinion of this game.

If the arguing isn't productive..then Im not quite sure why you felt the need to single out my comment with a sarcastic response. Im not arguing. You,OTOH,seem to be.

Not sure why..but I have no need to be in a pissing match over a stupid game. I hope you enjoy your Saturday.

[This message edited by confused615 at 8:47 AM, September 28th (Saturday)]

If the arguing isn't productive..then Im not quite sure why you felt the need to single out my comment with a sarcastic response. Im not arguing. You,OTOH,seem to be.

I wasn't arguing with you. Neither am I being sarcastic, I was pointing out that we actually all agree that BeyondBreaking's wayward needs to give it up.

I'm sorry my comment made you so upset.

Either way, BeyondBreaking you're in my thoughts.

Another issue is some posters have become experts on the game without actually seeing it or playing it.

I'm familiar enough with the series to make a judgement on it if I feel inclined to do so.

The semantics involved is in regards to whether or not she is overreacting. To that end not everyone 'agrees with that' because that's why the thread has progressed this far. You're right, that some people view the GTA series as a social commentary is irrelevant.

This game is a problem for her. He may have to give up the video game? Boofuckinhoo.

Prettysure everyone agrees with that

Nope. He needs to want to. If he doesn't he's a grown man and can play a video game. Then she has a choice.

This whole, BS says what goes and if the WS doesn't like it they can suck it only works if "you" have no problem if they do indeed "suck it".

All the "shoulds" "betters" in the world don't change the reality. Creating (or in some chases just maintaining) an unhealthy dynamic does not fix an incredibly fucked choice made by one person or the fact two people don't have the same values or beliefs. One will always have to conform and comply. Recipe for complete disaster.

UO is right. You can lay down your list of ground rules, boundaries, and suck-its all you want, but if your spouse isn't willing to comply, then you'd better have another set of tools in your suck-it bag to deal with the situation.

"I have a boundary" may be the most abused concept in modern American society. Your boundaries aren't meant to control other people's behavior -- that's actually what we call "manipulation. Boundaries are about what *you* will tolerate in your relationships before you decide you're out.

Boundaries are about your behaviors, not controlling someone else's or bullying them into compliance with your worldview.

When you tell your WS that NC is a boundary, that's not about making them go NC. It's saying "I respect myself too much to be in a love triangle" or even simply "I don't share my spouse with others. If you're the sort of person who wants to fuck other people, then you're welcome to be that person -- but you won't be in my life any longer."

Boundaries are the key that let you out of your cage, not the key that locks someone else into theirs -- especially when theirs is a cage you've picked out for them.

I would feel exactly the same. Exactly.

Like someone mentioned, he should be more considerate of you, considering his position. If he's not seeing any issue with it, then maybe it's at least time for a chat. Sometimes them menfolk can be a bit dim to what affects you and why, even if it's painfully obvious to us.

Secondly, I've played these games, the most recent included. The strip club has always been a sideshow. There's no reason he couldn't simply not go. Is he willing?

I'm sorry for your pain. I've seen it, it is no different to porn in my eyes. I empathize entirely.

----

Also... side note (feel free to stop reading, OP) as an FYI and a warning to those considering the game for themselves or their WS... the strippers are painfully realistic in comparison with their previous models. It was a shock. It also encourages misogynistic behaviours. Not saying it's a terrible game, just know what you're getting into. The strip club has been a sore spot across the continent.

*Not willing to discuss the game further, it's far from relevant.*

Boundaries are about your behaviors, not controlling someone else's or bullying them into compliance with your worldview.

When you tell your WS that NC is a boundary, that's not about making them go NC. It's saying "I respect myself too much to be in a love triangle" or even simply "I don't share my spouse with others. If you're the sort of person who wants to fuck other people, then you're welcome to be that person -- but you won't be in my life any longer."

Very true. On the subject of boundaries, "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life" by Drs Cloud and Townsend and "Shattered Vows" by Debra Laaser have some good insights on boundaries and consequences.

We hope our partners will be mindful of our feelings, but we cannot control if they are or not. If they aren't, we have to find other ways to protect ourselves and stay healthy, no matter what they do.

BB, have things around GTA5 improved with your H? Have you two been able to talk more about it? How are you feeling right now?

"I have a boundary" may be the most abused concept in modern American society. Your boundaries aren't meant to control other people's behavior -- that's actually what we call "manipulation. Boundaries are about what *you* will tolerate in your relationships before you decide you're out.

*quick t/j* Agreed. If anyone has ever seen the "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" episode entitled "Frank Gets An Intervention", boundaries get thrown around like interventions do in that final scene. It's worth looking into, if you've never seen it.*t/j over*

I agree with everything MediumRare has aid. I am also a play or the game. I love the GTA series.

A little OT. I just finished a side mission where I had to kill a dead man's greedy former mistress. I really enjoyed it.... lol