SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Welcome Amylou -

I too have to say, I am not impressed with your spouse, and I am more concerned that you feel snooping is bad.

Those with nothing to hide, Hide NOTHING!!!!

He is your Husband, you have every right in the world to look at his phone, FB, and everything else, and if he gets pissy it's because he is hiding more.

You do need to confront him on this, and probably need to get some MC sessions scheduled. There are definitely some communication issues going on, and the sooner the two of you work through that the better off you will be.

He knows he was being bad, he knows he was crossing a line, but the question is WHY was he even considering it? Why did he put out that vibe?

You need to really put his feet to the fire on this one.

((((and strength))))

In a marriage there shouldn't be secrets. You should be able and comfortable looking at our spouse's texts and emails.

It does sound like your husband has done the right thing but I would absolutely talk to him about his. I would also suggest you get and both read the book "Not just friends", it will reinforce for both of you the EARLY warning signs.

Definitely tell him that "Jen" is not a friend of your marriage and any friendship/relationship with her is off the table.

[This message edited by avicarswife at 9:38 PM, September 30th (Monday)]

Sorry, I agree with the posters who are saying you need to confront and find out what is going on here? So he backed out THIS time? What about next time? He is attracted to other women, and has boundary issues. Yikes.

Whoa, the fact that he was contemtplating it, thinking about her, etc... This is a huge red flag. Do not ignore. This is not good. He should not be praised because he chose not to cheat physically. He should NEVER have been considering it AT ALL.

I have also had 2 WH's. It has nothing to do with our lack of picking skills. My WH#2 was a BS in his first marriage also. I thought in picking him that he would never cheat because he knew the pain it caused, but he had a LTA with an old girlfriend from before he met me.

You WH has crossed the line and stepped over the boundaries. Just the fact he was talking and texting her without telling you was a lie by ommission. If nothing else he was bordering on the start of an A and you need to address this immediately. He needs to tell you everything that he has done and you need to set boundaries for this marriage. I am glad that he told her No in his text, but he still crossed marital boundaries with his texting and flirting and unless it is addressed now he may not say NO the "next time". I know if I had of set better boundaries in my marriage to WH#2 that I might have made him think about it more before he allowed it to happen in the first place. Also getting him to read the book, "Not Just Friends" might be helpful. He needs to address why he felt the need to flirt with this person in the first place. What need is he trying to fill that he is not getting in the marriage?

Also looking at your spouse's phone, computer, e-mail, FB, etc... is NOT snooping and let him know he has access to yours anytime he feels the need. I hope that you get to this realization and confront him now. (((HUGS)))