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My home life didn't affect my decision. I affected my own decision. I stayed for 2 years "trying to work it out" for the kids but the reality was the kids were an excuse in my case. I stayed because I had severe codependancy issues. Once I worked on that enough I was able to file and start to move on. My kids are doing fine so far and adjusting to the 50/50 custody. I wish I had left sooner. I wouldn't have wasted and additional 2 years of my life that I can't get back.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:04 AM, October 4th (Friday)]

Dear Abby put it succinctly, and it applies to anyone's situation. Simply put, you must answer the question: "Are you (and the kids) better off with or without him?"

In my case, the picture I see if we D is definitely worse than our current situation, for several reasons. Is it ideal? No. But is it better than the whole D scene? Yes.

Yes, I considered my children before I made a decision.

In my position, the timeline was a factor as well. My husband had basically a ONS - there was a hook up, he came home and sexted her, they texted one other day, but I found out four days after the hook up. Our marriage had been in a rough spot for a while because my husband is an alcoholic.

That being said, he returned home Sunday (when he sexted her), called his sponsor Monday morning and started going to AA every single day, he texted her Wed., I found out Thursday and confronted him. He came clean.

Had he not been working on his sobriety before I found out, that would have been a deal breaker. Period. He'd already been through rehab two years prior.

Oh heck yah, it influenced my decision, lucky for him. Otherwise I would have walked.

I had young children, that I was really unwilling to share, and prior to the A, he had been a stellar dad. (one point for staying)

He had lost his job, and according to the D Attorney I saw I would be most likely the one to pay CS, and even spousal support (10 points for staying) I wanted that MF'r back to work as quickly as possible, and no way in hell was I gonna give him $$ to live on whwen he was the one who F'd the Marriage.

I loved my home (1 point for staying) Was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to afford the house on one income alone.

I didn't want the kids to have to change schools (1 point for staying).

So yah there were a few factors that played into my deciding to stay, and try, but primarily I loved him, and wanted to make it work. Putting up with as much as I did, you bet, the above stopped me from kicking him to the curb more than once.

Yes it did.

If we didn't have kids i doubt we would still be together, he made very little effort in the early days after dd and had it just been me i would have let it go. I tried double the amount i should have had too for the sake of the family.

I totally understand not wanting OW to evenknow what my kids look like or even their names. They showed each other pics of their kids and he even showed her one of me. She said I was beautiful, oh how sweet of her, I guess that was supposed to make me feel better I've gotten different stories as to when this happened, for all I know he showed her the 'special' pics too...eat your heart out bitch!

The fact that he even brought our children into their disgusting A makes me sick