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In our case, she had to try to convince herself, WH and anyone else who would listen that she was better, to overcome the thundering silence of my WH not leaving me for her. I think there's a lot of crazy thinking that goes on to justify As.

She did, because he made her feel that way. The conversations she had with me were all about comparing me to her. It was really sickening now I have had time to process it for what it was. She knew everything about me and I didn't even know she existed, so that in itself gave her broken ego a boost for sure. I no longer care what she thinks about me. My WH#2 is my concern now, but mainly I am concentrating on myself.

If AP's truly respected themselves, they would only date single people. They would certainly not settle for WS's.

If OW thought she were such a catch and worthy of a top-notch guy, why would she be sneaking around with my damaged, lying, cheating H?

There are 3 billion men in this world. If she had any self-esteem, she would have at least held out for an unmarried one.

As far as H showing her that she was better than me, why the hell would she give any weight to his judgement? Like he's the authority on who's a good person .

I'm sure H's compliments and even the fact that he was willing to cheat on his kind, smart, sexy wife with her didn't do that much for OW. It was like pouring water in a bucket full of holes.

What really makes you feel solid and proud and worthy is your own judgement of your own self. When OW looks honestly at herself, what does she see? A needy, unloved woman, desperate for crumbs from a broken married man. It's actually pitiful.

I don't think they think at all (except themselves). And from what my SAWH said, the AP never wanted to hear anything about his home life or wife or kids. Obviously, she did not want anything to ruin the fantasy.

I'm a former OW. I know for sure that his wife is better than me. No contest, better wife, better mother, better person. AP and I even talked about this. He said how great she was. I agreed.

We both agreed that we were pathetic losers...

If AP's truly respected themselves, they would only date single people. They would certainly not settle for WS's.

Exactly. The fact that they would get involved with your spouse indicates that they know they're not better than you. They wouldn't spend so much time and energy lying to themselves and dragging others down with them if they thought they were better.

Not in my case. I saw multiple emails where AP tried to bait H into trash-talking me and he wouldn't go there.

We both agreed that we were pathetic losers.

That makes me really sad and I hope you don't still feel that way about yourself.

I find that when someone has to talk down another person's value it has much more to do with the person doing the attacking than the person in question.

In other words, people put down others because of how inadequate they feel about themselves. It's a prop to make themselves feel better about whats wrong with them. Cutting someone down to build yourself up is classic poor self-esteem/ self-image deflection.

I find that when someone has to talk down another person's value it has much more to do with the person doing the attacking than the person in question.

In other words, people put down others because of how inadequate they feel about themselves. It's a prop to make themselves feel better about whats wrong with them. Cutting someone down to build yourself up is classic poor self-esteem/ self-image deflection.

Yep. Been guilty of this many times myself - and it was always due to my own insecurity!

Rachelc-- I agree with Jana. I can find compassion for all.

I know it's not a popular thought here, but if I look at myself honestly, I was in a place where I was also accepting crumbs from a broken man. We talk of the WS and the AP not being emotionally healthy, bu I can honestly look inward and see that I wasn't emotionally healthy either. Easy to analyze their issues -- tougher to look at my own.

I still have better judgment and moral integrity and would never have chosen this destructive path, but my bucket still has some holes that I need to patch up on my own. WH ( or anyone else) cant fill my bucket.

This isn't to say I don't despise her!!!!

Edited for typos.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 10:27 AM, October 4th (Friday)]

IDK, and I really don't care anymore what OW "thinks".

OW called me "The Love of Your Life" to FWH as opposed to calling me by name. Which it could have meant ironically except it is just so fucking stupid I am confident it doesn't understand the concept.

In reality, a lot of OW's are full of bravado, but deep inside they are a mass of insecurity and low self esteem. They need to bolster themselves by getting married men to fuck them because if they can lure a MOM away from the wives that they love they really must be something special, mustn't they.

Disclaimer to my previous post:

A lying cheating scumbag is a lying cheating scumbag. Facts are facts. Its when over inflating someones faults or perceived weaknesses are used against them. Especially those concocted from someone trying to justify their own destructive behaviors.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 10:36 AM, October 4th (Friday)]

I think she does. I'm sure she thought she treated my husband better than I did. She told him what he wanted to hear and only saw the 'pretty parts' of him. I'm sure her tune would change when she saw how he was in real life not fake A life.

My WH says, "She was never better than you" and my response is always, "they why did you let her think she was everyday with your words and actions?"

Because THAT, my darling, is what keeps the ego strokes coming, the look of puppydog adoration for him in her eyes, her continued opinion that he's some kind of demi-god, and the assurance that she'll eagerly and happily continue to bend over backwards, forwards, sideways and inside out in order to please him every single way possible.

An OW is kind of like having a dog, if you think about it. Dogs will love you unconditionally, even if you don't deserve it. They're also very anxious to please their masters, much like an OW. The exception between the two is that dogs don't lower themselves to rutting in backseats of cars, staircases, elevators, public parks and the like. Ok..I take back the public parks thing.

But you get my meaning.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 11:14 AM, October 4th (Friday)]

We both agreed that we were pathetic losers.

That makes me really sad and I hope you don't still feel that way about yourself.

oh, I don't now. But I did then... it irritates me when APs say they lost their mind, or didn't know what they were doing. I knew right from wrong all the time, i still chose wrong.

Yeah, I guess I get it. Thanks RachelC for the insight, but of course that was just the you THEN.

I know that my WH got into his LTA mainly to have his ego stroked. He was being such a horrible father and husband that he couldn't have felt good about his normal life.

Yeah, OW wouldn't have wanted the REAL WH if she knew what daily life with him (at that time) was really like. Likewise my WH wouldn't have been able to function with the REAL OW, someone had to be selfishly doing all the WORK of raising kids, cooking, cleaning and working, that's assuming you want to have a spouse, kids, and a home to come back to.

I agree with the above comments, that really we shouldn't care about what OW thinks but it's one of those bothersome thoughts that wells up late in the night. Somewhere unaccomplished, unfaithful wife and neglectful mother that the OW was gets to think that my sad sack of a WH put her ahead of me for those years. I hate that.

Yes the MOW thinks she is much better than me, she even told me that all I do is obsess about her all day long

Ah the delusions run wild!

Truthfully...I don't give a rat's butt what the psychopathic POS thinks or thought at the time. POS is irrelevant to me now.

I know what I am...one hell of an awesome woman!!! FWH is a damn lucky SOB to still be a part of my life.

That's the spirit. You are 100% correct!