Dday was last Thursday, 9/26/13. He had been staying up even later than usual on his computer after I would go to sleep but I convinced myself he was just playing his pc games. He also was having an attitude with me about everything and saying things like that he never gets any time to relax when I always make sure he does. His sudden rudeness unfortunately has become my big clue that he has once again started an online affair with someone. I snooped through his phone after he fell asleep and found some links to different social media accounts for this 19 yr old girl. WH is 29. I woke him up and he admitted she was someone he was talking to online and that he wouldn't answer any more questions because he wanted to sleep.
Obviously I couldn't sleep any but waited until the next day after he got home from work to get answers. At this time, he refuses to tell me where he met her online and is being extremely defensive other to say he is a screwup and basically what did I expect. He also refuses to seek any kind of therapy for us or for his own addiction. He also says that he cut ties to her and it's done.
I've caught him quite a few times having these online affairs. He doesn't go out to meet them, I do actually believe this because he has some weird issues in bed that he is embarrassed of and all evidence points to just online. But obviously still as painful that he is giving all his affection and time to these other women. He always said he still loved me after these incidents and that he would stop. Guess I was just in major denial and thought he would grow out of this behavior especially since things would get so much better for a year or so.
We are still not ok at this point because when I mention therapy, he says F that and I say I can't do this again without therapy.
I give it a couple really awkward days thinking he will reconsider to try therapy but then I discover through a google search that he is still logging into an account with a avatar of him kissing another girl avatar. The profile is private but since he logged in 2 days after he told me he was done, I know he lied. I confront him and after a long fight/talk, he tells me he has never really loved me at least not in the way I think of love. He says love is just that honeymoon phase of a relationship and then it's gone. He cares about me and my well-being(ha) and loves our children who are both special needs by the way but we are never going to work out since he will never again have any privacy and is screwed up in the head.
We have been together 13 yrs, married 11, our kids are both under 7. I'm a stay at home mom and have been since they were babies. I am also completely stuck living with him for at least another 5 months or so before I can afford to move back to our homestate. My sister lives there and while a good emotional support system, I know her already fragile marriage because of issues with her disrespectful teenage stepson, we wouldn't be able to stay more than a few days. My Dad unfortunately passed away 5 years ago or he would of taken us in in a second, he was a wonderful father.
WH wants us to stay here and be roomates, he even goes onto say that maybe we can even be roomates when we move back to homestate, wtf? Since I'm stuck here, I'm trying to keep things civil especially in front of the kids. Hurts so much when he is talking to her online and through an app on his phone. He knows it hurting me and when I say he doesn't care, he says that isn't true but he keeps doing it in front of me anyway. I guess it doesn't matter anymore since our marriage is basically over though I am not ready to tell people other than my sister until I can move. He also says that his relationship with this girl is completely fake and he does not have any real feelings for her but then why is he talking to this girl all day and night? And why is it worth throwing away everything?
It's been about a week and finally getting a little easier for me to eat, not sleeping well yet. I've lost 7 lbs in the week which is not healthy so I am working on that issue which was becoming a eating disorder from my loss of self- esteem.
Other than him saying it is weird that I am now sleeping in the guest room and that he got a little teary when a sad song came on the radio on the way to work, he shows no signs that he even cares that our marriage is over. It's all just more signs that I deserve better but it's just so painful. If he would of gotten treatment for his addiction to these fantasy relationships then I think we would of worked out. This is the only thing we fight about.
I am definitely on the rollercoaster of emotions. I am so terrified of how my kids and I are going to make it alone. The costs of moving home, trying to find a job when I don't have a college degree, having to make car payments since I don't have my own car, paying for daycare, everything. I know he will have to pay child support and alimony but adding up the numbers, it's still not enough unless I get a really decent job. I am in the process of going back to school, I was already looking into enrollment when this happened but it's going to take a couple of years to finish. My sister won't be able to help financially, not that I would want her to but she already works two jobs to pay for their mortgage, her husband is on disability for MS.
I just can't believe after all these years, it's actually over. I am trying to find space as I can, when he is home and I see him happily typing away to her on his phone or computer, I take the boys to the playground or elsewhere. I want to regret every marrying him but I have 2 amazing kids out of it. I just never expected I would be a single parent. I think I will be happier one day down the line, it just seems so very far away.
