SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

To all those who posted a response to my thread: OW is not the problem. I want to Thank each and every one of you, and acknowledge you contribution to that topic.

That thread was locked for the stated reason

Safeguard, since you have been on the site it appears you've choosen to ignore your thread and those that took the time to reply.

We will lock this up but in the future please have the courtesy to close out your own thread.

I am sorry I was unaware I needed to "close out" my own threads. I do not even know how I would do that. I saw others were still discussing and had nothing further to add. My apologies if anyone felt I ignored their posts.

Hey Safeguard. Even though there are no formal rules for how to post, it's considered polite to respond to people who have taken time to post on your thread, even if it's just to say "thanks for taking the time to read what I wrote."

We don't have any way of tracking who is actually reading the posts, but it is generally assumed that original posters who don't return to their threads after several people have chimed in have abandoned them and moved onto another topic. Since it can be frustrating to try and help someone who isn't even in the room, we will lock a thread that hasn't been "attended to." Does that make sense?

It helps the people who care and follow others to have a little follow up at least.

I hope this helps.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 11:29 PM, October 5th (Saturday)]

Jrazz Thank you.

It just seemed a little *odd* the way reprimand was worded. I've never seen that in an old closed thread before. I meant no ill intent.

I didn't know that rule, either. Lots of times I don't keep contributing or whatever. Sometimes it's too painful for me to revisit. I'm sorry to everyone. I had no idea.

I have a feeling I bailed on a thread or two in the beginning. The more in tune I got to what a conscientious community this was, the more I treated the posts like conversations rather than just a place to unload thoughts.

Like I said, there's no rule per se. It's just good to be mindful of the fact that people may post to and revisit your threads, and it's courteous to respond to anyone who takes the time to try and help you.

At the point I last visited that thread, the posters were simply discussing, and replying to one another. I thought that was perfectly acceptable.

So did I. Honestly, I've been a part of online communities since the early 90's. I've truly never heard of having to acknowledge every response and close out a thread. I mean, I've participated in all kinds of online communities, from marriage to gardening to politics to religion to atheism to current events to homeschooling to pets to TTC to parenting... I've even served as a host & monitor for some online communities as well!

Huh.

This really bothers me. With all due respect to the mods, the original message could have been framed a bit more politely - especially since:

there are no formal rules for how to post, it's considered polite to respond to people who have taken time to post on your thread, even if it's just to say "thanks for taking the time to read what I wrote."

How is a newer member supposed to guage the cultural norms well enough to know what's considered polite versus impolite? I certainly didn't know I'm expected to "close out" my threads - I'm still not sure I even know what that means - but I do know that if I received this type of chastisement:

it appears you've choosen to ignore your thread and those that took the time to reply.

I probably would feel like my character is being attacked and that this isn't much of a safe and welcoming place.

It just seems ironic that such a curt and accusatory message was put out there in an effort to encourage a poster to be more "polite."

[This message edited by anewday78 at 2:49 AM, October 6th (Sunday)]

@ Naturegirl,

So did I. Honestly, I've been a part of online communities since the early 90's. I've truly never heard of having to acknowledge every response and close out a thread. I mean, I've participated in all kinds of online communities, from marriage to gardening to politics to religion to atheism to current events to homeschooling to pets to TTC to parenting... I've even served as a host & monitor for some online communities as well!

Huh.

Thank you. I couldn't have said it better!

Thanks anewday.

It just seems ironic that such a curt and accusatory message was put out there in an effort to encourage a poster to be more "polite."

That's exactly what I thought also. I felt like it was a public smack-down because some people didn't like the thread. They couldn't have pm'd me for such a vague infraction?

I have seen lot of posts left *unattended* by OP. never saw them smacked for it, or locked. On any forum, and like nature girl I've participated in many.

I have always posted to people's threads without the expectation that they will respond, although naturally I appreciate it and often enjoy itmwhen they do. MOST threads do NOT get "closed out", from what I've seen.

If a thread I had responded to was closed my Moderators because of lack response from the originator, I might feel cheated. What if I had an additional thought for this person? After all, my post is not for my benefit.

This site is terrific. Randomly implementing ridiculous "not rules" like this one only makes it less terrific, in my opinion.

[This message edited by nomistakeaboutit at 6:14 AM, October 6th (Sunday)]

We do not close threads out of habit. We made a decision as staff to close that one, as it had upset many members who were still posting and asking direct questions of the original author and weren't getting any replies. There were also several threads getting zero responses.

That's exactly what I thought also. I felt like it was a public smack-down because some people didn't like the thread. They couldn't have pm'd me for such a vague infraction?

I have seen lot of posts left *unattended* by OP. never saw them smacked for it, or locked. On any forum, and like nature girl I've participated in many.

I actually feel a little offended by that safeguard. The mods are volunteers here, they don't get paid.

If you have any questions regarding staff actions, you are welcome to pm a moderator.

Exactly

With all due respect, Safeguard, you and redrock ( I think it was) were having a conversation and you were responding back and forth quickly. Within a few minutes. DS popped in and asked you a very pointed question which then you disappeared and never answered DS. Never answered my question, either.

At the point I last visited that thread, the posters were simply discussing, and replying to one another. I thought that was perfectly acceptable.

Anyone can visit this thread and see how it went down. You and redrock were conversing. You posted at 7:53 PM to redrock who responded at 7:57 PM, DS asked you a question at 8:01 PM, you never came back, or at least didn't respond.

eta: I don't know about anyone else here at SI, but if DS asks me a question, I sure as hell am not going to ignore it.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 9:45 AM, October 6th (Sunday)]

oops double post. See below for the spell checked one.

[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 9:40 AM, October 6th (Sunday)]

Safeguard, you are at it again.

Are you able to look inside yourself and find a little piece of humble? Do you have it in you to analyze *yourself* and recognize when you have behaved inappropriately, or when your attitude has not been quite right?

You seem to be driven by the compulsion to be right and have the last word. This thread was disingenuously entitled "Formal Thank You...." but your posts have gone right back to their tenor from the previous post.

Not trying to be snotty, but are you addressing these issues in IC?

I thought the wording to safeguard was too harsh, and I've never seen a member *close out* a thread before. It was bizarre how that went down.

I was also bummed it was locked as I was enjoying the conversation. It was a helpful topic to me.

I totally get this because the conversation did seem to take a turn into a somewhat unhealthy direction:

We do not close threads out of habit. We made a decision as staff to close that one, as it had upset many members who were still posting and asking direct questions of the original author and weren't getting any replies.

It's this that leaves me scratching my head:

If you have any questions regarding staff actions, you are welcome to pm a moderator.

Seems a bit hypocritical to me given the borderline public lashing the OP was afforded. I guess, for me, it's not the action of locking the thread that is bothersome. It's the accusatory fashion in which the final message was framed - it just seems as if it could have been framed more matter-of-factly as opposed to a rash emotional response attacking the perceived character of the OP.

I understand and appreciate the fact that the mods here are very selfless, caring, compassionate people who sacrifice a great deal of time and energy to ensure this is a safe and supportive refuge for those in need - that's why I'm a bit taken back by all of this because that message seems so out of character. I'm definitely not trying to rock the boat here, I just want to point out that we're all just people - none of us are infallible - so perhaps apologies are in order on both sides of this debate.

You know, I have been publicly reprimanded more than a few times. Sometimes I felt a bit harshly and maybe even unfairly. However, what I have realized is that this is a very safe place. They do try to keep things very safe for everyone here. If you feel the mods are a bit overzealous, talk to them privately. See where they are coming from. Please remember, too, that they are volunteers here. I have never expected an apology from a mod. I give them thanks when they reprimand me. Because I love SI, everyone here, and I don't ever want to be banned. So, yeah, thanks for the reprimand instead of banning me.