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Got to vent, then I'll go to bed. Fucking bitch really pisses me off. She is constantly saying to me,"The kids are my priority.", she is so full of shit. They were never her priority. She made selfish decisions about leaving, never considering how it would rock the kids lives. Now she wants to tell me they are her priority?

When she was going to leave, just before summer, I sat on the couch and started to plan how the kids lives were going to change. I began to talk to her about the schedule, the routine, the time restraints the kids would end up having.

She turns to me and says,"I have something planned for my birthday weekend when i dont have the kids.". Her birthday weekend was 4 months out, what the fuck you selfish bitch. Don't consider the devastation that is about to take place to our three small children.

And then, to look at me, and say, the kids are my priority. Fuck you. Fuck your worped mind. While you were out singing karaoke and dancing with your friends., I held our 9 year old daughter because she was crying to me about the divorce. Fuck you, when you were out for your girls weekend out, I was with our 12 year old explaining that none of this was his fault, and that we both love him more than any words can express. Fuck you, when you were telling all your friends how I didn't want any of the kids in any activities (because I was adjusting to being a single father for 3 months), I was sitting with our 6 year old, going over his homework,after I worked a 14 hour day.

So fuck you when you say the kids are your priority. You can tell your fucking bitch friends that, but I know better you selfish, mid-life crises fat-ass, cheating, bitch. I feel bad for the next guy.

Now since I don't agree with all your activities you want the kids in, now you say you don't want the kids in sports, the rest of the school year regardless if they do good in school? You tell them that. Because ever activity I've told the kids they have to wait for, I sat them down, looked them in the eye, and told them why their dad is making the decision to hold them out of a sport or club. I explain my decisions, I am honest with them so they will remember why I did what I did when they get older.

I fucking hate selfish people, who are so fucked up, they lie to themselves in order to not face the fact they are fucked.  Keep telling yourself the kids are your priority, I think I'll just base my opinion on your actions and behavior, if you don't mind.

Selfish, self-deceiving bitch.

Now I'm going to sleep.

[This message edited by Running the Race at 12:24 AM, October 17th (Thursday)]

Epic rant. Standing O, man. Agree with every word.

Right on! These clueless POSs are just that, fucking clueless!!

RtR ... thank you for that vent! I have tears in my eyes. It reminded me of all the sacrifices that we have had to make and our innocent children. All for what? Really, how can they say "The kids are my priority"? Are you fucking kidding me?

A-freaking-men.

I WISH it were true. I WISH the girls were a priority. That is the only hope I have for the sad clown. Just to be a half-decent father - doesn't need to be a great one, just one that doesn't fuck them up would make me insanely happy.

I too taste blood in my mouth from biting my tongue when he sends one of his ridiculous rants about how he puts the girls first, blah, blah, blah.

Much like that horrible M - all pretty words no action - no substance.

Fuck him for making me regret choosing so poorly for my girls. I don't think I'll ever stop dripping with regret about it.

Have a good sleep, friend. One day soon we'll all reach 'Meh' Nirvana.

Running...this part sucks, I remember it well.

The words are right, "The kids are my priority", but the actions are wrong. It is a huge mind-fuck as we try to understand the lower muppet that is talking to us. Truly, they are the shell of someone we used to know, or thought we knew. The "real selves", the hand of the muppet, is what is showing now...and it ain't so pretty.

But, as you will read if you wander down to NB's, the motto IS: Watch actions not words. Actions tell the truth regardless of what the words are.

If you make ^^^^ your new motto, life will get easier. I learned to have zero expectations from ex, and that made life easier for me. I did not listen to his words, only watched his actions.

Rant and rave and get it out. Then leave her where she belongs, she truly doesn't deserve your emotion, and work on moving forward.

From one guy to another...A.M.E.N!!!

Got the same thing from my WW. They can talk the talk but damned if they can walk the walk.

Self-deceiving = spot on!

One of the things I have learned from all this is to be honest with the kids. If you don't it will come back and bite you in the ass.

When the kids get older, they will know who put them first and was there for them.

Thanks Everyone. Let me ask all of you this questions. Is it telling that she feels the need to say that to me? I mean, I feel like deep down she knows that her decisions put her first and what she wanted first. Not the kids. I don't feel the need to tell anyone I put the kids first. They can talk to me about my life and my routine, it speaks for itself.

The other thing, my kids show some signs of seeing it. I never say anything negative about their mom, I am not trying to turn them against her. But I feel like, at least from my 12 year olds perspective, they see a little bit of the difference between the two of us. I was online looking at my sons grades and talking to him about his grade suffering in math, I told him to check his grades with his mom, so she can see them too. He looks at me and tells me, she just always looks at facebook... do kids start to put these things together at such a young age?

RtR,

Oh, she knows alright. She just doesn't want to admit that maybe she isn't mom of the year and can't accept that.

My WW gets very defensive about our kids but doesn't accept her share of the responsibility for them. Frustrates me to no end. Then here I am doing the things she claims to do but doesn't.

With the exception of SI, I don't feel the need to tell anyone what I do. I do it because I love them and thats just what I do. I'm no father of the year and I don't care if anyone sees me that way.

As far as the kids go, they definitely see it. In my house I get asked "where is mom?" or "did mom even come home last night?" questions. WW also gets upset with them when they call her out on things like "she went shopping all day" or "all you did today was sit in your room on the laptop mom". It's sad.

Its similar to the WW attitude of having the OM for fun and the BH as her stability. She has the kids for her status symbol and ego kibbles but has the BH as the actual worker and stability for the kids. I'm sure the WH's do the same thing.

The words are right, "The kids are my priority", but the actions are wrong. It is a huge mind-fuck as we try to understand the lower muppet that is talking to us. Truly, they are the shell of someone we used to know, or thought we knew. The "real selves", the hand of the muppet, is what is showing now...and it ain't so pretty.

Agree.....words are correct actions don't match.

Let me ask all of you this questions. Is it telling that she feels the need to say that to me?

Hell yes!! She isn't just trying to convince you, she is trying to convince herself! If she can convince you, THEN that will mean what she did wasn't that bad and that the children aren't really suffering.

And sadly, yes, kids see through bullshit at your sons age.

Of course she is, but you need to start working to the point of indifference, and it is hard. Kids notice, even as they love her...they notice. I have, more recently, pushed as much of the homework responsibility back to ex. I was getting tired of doing all of the heavy lifting of raising the kids where he just has the fun. He is beginning to step up, but it is only because I pushed the issue.

You will eventually get to the point where what she does no longer registers to you. When you hear something stupid, or she says something stupid..you will just go:

I had to get to the point where I stop trying to figure ex out, it just doesn't matter. I do what is right, and, as all of the therapist have told me...the kids will have a very different relationship with me than their dad. I am stability, he is fun. So be it. Their real connection will always be with me...but they need a connection to their dad and I make sure that I do not interfere with their relationship...by trying to "save" him from what he says or does.

I used to "coach" him on how to be a parent, now I don't. His relationship with his kids is his to figure out.

do kids start to put these things together at such a young age?

Kids are so much more perceptive than most adults give them credit for! They know much more than you realize, which is why honesty is an absolute necessity (age appropriate, of course). Little ears pick up on everything going on, even if they don't have all the details to fill in the gaps just yet.

I like your post! I am with you. My poor little ones are in therapy. The therapist was showing us (me and Mr. Integrity) the pictures they drew and what they meant. I started crying a little, I listen to my 8yo cry every frigging day about how sad she is how tired she is how her stomach and head hurt. Then I see her little picture with the hole in her tree, which is the trauma, and I cried.

I said " I will never forgive you for what you have done to these children. Our children don't deserve this. You have continued on with your family legacy of cheating and selfishness and it is not fair to them. Me, I will get over you, but I will never forgive you for the pain you caused them. I hope they won't be messed up in their future relationships because of your actions."

He sat there, tearing up a little, with this look of self hatred and anguish...like maybe he felt bad, but it only lasted a second or two. Then he was back to intellectualizing it all in the cold sociopathic way only he can do....

When I see my kids crying I want to rip his head of his neck. I want to remove his penis with a rusty dull butter knife coated in hot sauce. He too says his only priority now is the kids and that is his main concern.

I say F**k you F**k you and F**k you. If they were your priority, you would show real remorse, try to make it right with them instead of buying them shit and having your skank ho help you stencil a mural on their wall.

OMG where does all this anger go??