SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You are 100% right! I am angry b/c I felt they did me wrong, very wrong. How do I get over the anger?

I'm the product of a 'happy home' growing up so my thoughts might not be so appropriate to your situation(YMMV).

I don't think you have to 'get over' your anger. I don't think you have to necessarily forgive your parents, but you do have to find a way to stop allowing their mistakes and mistreatment of you to affect your life.

You don't have to 'forget' but you do have to 'forego.' Forego, here meaning 'give up' the influence over you.

You can't 'confront' your father, you can only 'confront' the effects within yourself that he caused to a child who did not deserve anything but love.

You CAN confront your mother but you might not hear what would be helpful to you. I would do so only with professional guidance.

It's understandable that you would feel resentment because of this, but did you ever hear this expression?:

"Resentment is the poison that you take, hoping that the other person will die."

Think about that. Think about it a lot.

Your 'internal dialogue' about your experiences is poisoning your capacity to live life to your fullest.

I think that one of the key realizations for you might be that yes, you have been 'victimized' by non-present parents - but you don't have to live as a victim.

I don't see your 'stretch' so much as having to forgive (although that has great power) but rather giving yourself permission to live life without your childhood as an encumbrance.

In other words, it is part of your life, but does not have to be part of your 'story' as you move forward.

Can you find ways to do that? Does this make any sense to you?? Can you tell that I'm married to a grown wounded child??

TR

[This message edited by TrulyReconciled at 12:45 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

(((((TR & her wounded child)))))

duplicat post

[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 1:59 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

Both my parents are gone, but I love them dearly and certainly respect them.

I was pretty young when my dad died (16) and he had a very powerful position at work. I can remember going to work with him and all the employee's in his department adored him...he was funny, generous and very loving. I didn't realize just how loved he was until his funeral and it was standing room only. He had so many friends and so many people that truly loved him. It made me respect him even more

My mother was well loved, popular and respected in our city Everyone knew her!! Sometimes she could drive me absolutely nuts...but a few years ago I realized no one else got frustrated with her, just me, so that's when I realized *I* was the problem...not her

My mother was also very good at her job. She never made mistakes which in itself was beyond impressive considering she wrote out every doctor's orders by hand, she never used a computer.

She was creative and had a wonderful imagination. She was also the very best story-teller ever to live

I carry a great deal of respect for them both. For the sacrifices they made, for the home life they built for me and for their endless love for each other.

I respect, love and miss my parents deeply, I wish they were still alive.

(((((DS & mom & dad)))))

I respect, love and miss my parents deeply, I wish they were still alive.

Thank you for sharing such a personal/private thought w/ us.

(((((EW)))))

I always had great respect for my mother. She passed five years ago and I miss her terribly. We were very close.

My dad? Some grudging respect for the very few good things he taught me as a kid (outdoorsy kind of stuff), but nothing else. He was a mean alcoholic with an overall bad temper. I had bruises more than one occasion. At this point I have no relationship with him, but no anger either. I simply don't think about him. We send each other the proverbial holiday/birthday greeting, but that is about it. He acknowledged to my brother several years ago that he "screwed up bad" where I was concerned (I was the youngest of the kids and left alone to deal with his anger and drinking after everyone else left). I am okay with no relationship and have no intention of trying to create one after half a decade. He was an asshole then and still is now. It's all good though and I accept it for what it is. My life has not been damaged in any way because of it.