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cookiegrl (original poster member #38647) posted at 2:37 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
I'm sure this question has been asked in here before.. but I'm looking for some advice. I went to see an attorney last year about divorce, and it was all so much to think about, plus he wanted to reconcile. Not to mention how much it costs. Now, after finding more out, I think I am done. I just can't live like this anymore. But I feel stuck. I am self employed and I don't make very much. I have 2 kids. All of my family lives in Ohio, we are here in Florida. I don't know where to start. He and I rent so there is no mortgage together or anything like that.
I'm so scared to tell him I'm leaving, too.
Me 36
WH 40
Married 10 years, 2 great kids
R
lifestoshort ( member #18442) posted at 3:24 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
if he is an abuser, you dont tell him. you save the little bit of money you have, hide it. you get stuff packed when he is not around and bring it to a friends or parents home. you can apply for rental assistance, medical care and food. those you would get right away but rental may take 3-6 months.
you file when you are ready to move. its never good to file while you live w him in abuse cases, and also make sure the server knows hes abuses you. you dont have to put your address, put a friends so he cant come hurt you or stalk. you will have a temp hearing so you dont have to worry about kids not seeing him till then. thats all decided that day.
you probably can also get a lawyer for free in abuse cases. just call the local shelter and they can help you.
Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 6 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old & left.
Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 10:34 PM on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
I got great advice from a councilor when I was afraid and stuck. The fear of the unknown is what makes a lot of people do nothing.
Think about and write down your worse fears about leaving. Then for a half an hour each day take them one each day and think of what you would do if you were in that situation. Such as, if it's lack of money, how can you solve that. Get a room mate? Apply for assistance? And find out how. And write that down. Take one at a time and by the end you will have a written game plan. You no longer feel afraid to move forward because you know what you will do and there are no longer huge unknowns.
There will always be things that don't go exactly as planned, but there is no longer this big black hole of fear.
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