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Newest Member: youtookawaymyfriend

Reconciliation :
11 months today

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suprised1

 UKlady (original poster member #39058) posted at 6:12 PM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

Yep - just one more month til the anniversary of DDay... sigh....

I'm trying really hard, we both are, I don't know where I'd be without SI - truly I don't. If anyone here has regularly followed my posts you'll know that my WH is a model fWH to be!

I don't know why I'm posting really, just feeling an immense sadness again, like I could cry at anything and at any time. We have a lot to be thankful for, we have hope for the future and exciting times around the corner so why am I so sad again? Can't put my finger on it, it's nothing specific, no triggers (well none more than usual) he's done nothing wrong I'm just sad.... sigh.... Sorry to be a tad sorry for myself... just need a few virtual hugs from the only people in the world who understand...

Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

posts: 153   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6582792
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2married2quit ( member #36555) posted at 6:16 PM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

It hasn't been so long since your DDAY so it's understandable. I was panicking at the 11th month just thinking about DDAY anniversary. All those dates triggered stuff, but I was glad to get threw it all.

I don't know about you, but I'm affected by the weather and it is cloudy and rainy and cold here. Sad to say the least. Depressed even.

You're not alone.

(((((hugs)))))

BS - Me 47 WS - Her 45 ( she's a childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
She had 2 affairs with two different men.
Status: divorced.

posts: 1746   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 6582797
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ItsaClimb ( member #37107) posted at 7:11 PM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

{hugs} I know just how you feel. Hoping things look up for you really soon.

For some reason, month 11 was a terrible month for me... I felt so sad, defeated... just generally unhappy. For me I think it was because with the antiversary looming, I kept on thinking "it's been a YEAR, I should be feeling better!" and "I've wasted a YEAR of my life being miserable because of the A!" That milestone somehow brought things into focus and had me measuring my "progress".

BS 52
Together 35 yrs, M 31 years
2 daughters 30yo(married with 2 children) & 25yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

posts: 1321   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2012
id 6582869
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meplusfour ( member #38958) posted at 7:34 PM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

((UKlady))

I remember you joining around the same time that I did. In our posts, you were so strong and insightful about what had happened. It was a comfort to me to read your posts and realize that someone else was feeling the same way I was and that I was not alone.

I hope that this phase passes quickly for you.

[This message edited by meplusfour at 1:34 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

posts: 438   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6582894
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TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 8:02 PM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

(((UKLady)))

XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

posts: 10077   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Texas
id 6582927
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LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 1:53 AM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2013

Hello ((UKLady)), I remember when you joined and I sent you a post - your first response! This is our connection.

It's okay. I felt this way too at 11 months. Like I was prepping myself. It was easy to think, "last year at this time..." once my boys' bdays started mid-November. I posted a lot and then I settled down a couple weeks in. It will be 12 months on Friday. Also, H's bday.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

posts: 3442   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Canada, eh
id 6583356
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sailorgirl ( member #38162) posted at 3:33 AM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2013

I hear you, UKlady!

Our d-days are fast approaching.

I don't know if this will help you at all, but I did used to have "blue" days or very down times occasionally before the A. So now when I have them I think about how some of this emotion may not even be A related. It could just be normal ups and downs of mood, and I want to try not to make it last longer by letting my heart get weighed down by the A sadness.

So, I try to remember other times in my life when I was in a depression. (Often in winter because I'm affected by the lack of light.) I focus on those memories and how I got through it (girlfriends, running, watching Buffy, or crying it out), and I think about how I'm going to come out the other side of this feeling, too.

Wait it out. Distract from A thoughts. Do something fun or silly. Try to get sunlight on your face before 10:00 am (read that somewhere and it helps me).

I'm two days behind you on the antiversary. ((UKlady))

Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

posts: 787   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2013
id 6583433
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 UKlady (original poster member #39058) posted at 10:31 AM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2013

2m2q - thank you for your words - I think yesterday we were both around at the same time and feeling blue - nice to see that we both posted on each other's threads! I'm glad that you were helped out with not contacting the OM.

itsaclimb - yeah - maybe that 'nearly at the one year mark' thing is having an effect. As always, it's good to know I'm not alone in my thinking.

meplusfour - so good of you to remember I am generally still positive it's just those times you know? I wish sometimes I could erase the knowledge of the A completely.

TrustGone - thanks for the hug - it does mean a lot.

LA - I will always remember you for being the first to respond to my first post here - thank you for that x. I hope that Friday is not too bad for you.

Sailorgirl - sigh.... I feel so aligned with your story and know how you can totally empathise. We are both 'lucky' that our Hs 'get it'. Part of my sadness is that I actually NEVER felt blue for no reason pre DDay. I was always a 'live life to the fullest' and certainly 'live EVERY day' - I had nothing to feel blue about. I 'knew' back then that my H would always be there for me - I know NOW he will be but in between times I didn't know him and that makes me sad

Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

posts: 153   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6583606
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sailorgirl ( member #38162) posted at 2:29 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2013

We are both 'lucky' that our Hs 'get it'.

So true, but I also understand the use of quotes on "lucky" .

Part of my sadness is that I actually NEVER felt blue for no reason pre DDay.

Wow, I can see how this would be doubly hard then.

I 'knew' back then that my H would always be there for me - I know NOW he will be but in between times I didn't know him and that makes me sad

Last night, my H was telling me what he talked about in IC. I was thinking how he never would have been this open with me about his inner life before he hit rock bottom and faced his issues. I was realizing how much better I'm getting to know him, especially as I heal so I can really listen. I was too hurt/angry to listen at first.

I think the saddest thing would have been if he suppressed the effects of his toxic FOO forever and I never knew really knew him.

It is good to know that SI will be here when the non-specific but immense sadness comes.

Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

posts: 787   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2013
id 6583768
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