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watersofavalon (original poster member #37984) posted at 12:05 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
H is remorseful. He has done what I asked him to. He has tried again and again to reassure me that he loves me and can't be without me. But.....I was still so insecure. Nothing he could do or say would fill that void. I was constantly watching him and wondering what that look meant, the smile meant, why did he laugh, what is he thinking, what does he think of me, does he think of her.... I was never satisified for long because something would always happen to start me worrying again. So unhealthy, pointless and exhausting!
He didn't make me insecure, I always have been a little, he just gave me an excuse to allow my insecurities full rein. He can't fix that. All he can do is to provide me a safe place to fix it myself. He has done that. The rest is up to me.
SO I JUST STOPPED! I stopped looking to him for reassurance. I have started to look to myself, my own abilities, my own qualities, for happiness and security. Whether I love myself, that is what really matters.I am worthy of loving so why wouldn't he love me? If he doesn't it is HIS loss not mine.
It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can stand up straight and look ahead.
(Title was meant to read 'I have come to an understanding!!)
[This message edited by watersofavalon at 6:06 AM, December 6th (Friday)]
Me - BW 50
H - 53
T 32 years
M 21 years
3 children from 11 to 17.
EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.
Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?
I guess we are there now. Things are good, very good, but we ha
TheAmazingWondertwin ( member #40769) posted at 4:29 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
Huge. Awesome. Congratulations.
I am happy for you.
It's a good feeling, yes? 
Just call me Wonder
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.
Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017
watersofavalon (original poster member #37984) posted at 4:34 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
It's amazing!! I keep smiling at random people and singing to myself. 
Me - BW 50
H - 53
T 32 years
M 21 years
3 children from 11 to 17.
EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.
Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?
I guess we are there now. Things are good, very good, but we ha
eachdayisvictory ( member #40462) posted at 5:05 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
Thanks for posting this, I needed the reminder.
It's amazing to see that when we turn our attention to ourselves, the result is often a sounder, more respectful interaction with our spouse. We do need to be working on ourselves, but the WS needs to be understanding and supportive of us when we are acting looney or feeling unable to change our focus.
It's the least they can do.
me, BW: 37
FWH: 38
together 19 years, M 13 years
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 6 and 9
Reconciled
Tresemme ( member #31185) posted at 5:28 AM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013
this is something i needed to hear...thanku ... im happy you shared this and your post is spot on ..i bookmarked this and need to read this often...
(Me)Bw late 30s
On 5/1/10 I learned I hired a succubus as a live in nanny and that she was preg w an OC!
2019 Divorcing and in love with someone I pray is the monogamist I begged Jesus for
morethantrying ( member #40547) posted at 6:41 AM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013
great post! Yes, we BS need to recover ourselves, worth and love. Great inspiration there!
Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 57
Him: WS 64
Married 34 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...
Flatlined123 ( member #35862) posted at 10:58 AM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013
Thanks. This is a great reminder for me.
I could have written the top part of your post. I think I'll have to give the bottom part a try.
Me: BS H: WS4 kids DD #1 7-11-08DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.Started R in 12-09"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."
watersofavalon (original poster member #37984) posted at 3:03 PM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013
Thanks for all your replies.
One amazing thing that has come about as a result (I think) of this is H has been more spontaneously physically affectionate. He is doing things like stroking my hair as he walks past, rubbing my feet when we sit on the sofa, little non-sexual things that make me feel safe and loved. He was walking on eggshells for so long I think he was wary of approaching me, I think that now he has sensed I have relaxed and let go of the fear.
Me - BW 50
H - 53
T 32 years
M 21 years
3 children from 11 to 17.
EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.
Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?
I guess we are there now. Things are good, very good, but we ha
KatieG ( member #41222) posted at 3:06 PM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013
Excellent waters, I love this and you have really helped me so thank you.
DD#1 - Oct 13
"Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive" - CS Lewis
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