SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've been pretty NC with the Ex since S, but heard OW went bunny boiler on him. She beat him up one night and is "dating" someone who lives exactly next door to the house. Apparently she sits in her car outside of the house waiting for hours. Seriously creepy stuff.

In his smear campaigns against me he tells people I'm crazy, so I find the irony entertaining. A friend commented that by calling me crazy so much he attracted a real crazy.

I get emails from him saying I look like a saint compared to her and I was never crazy. I responded once to tell him he made his bed.

I'm not sure I believe in karma per se, but I do believe that when you make poor choices the odds are that you will eventually feel the consequences of them in some form.

My ex left me for OW and she left her H. About 3 months after I outed them to everyone I could, she broke up with him and went back to her H.

A little over a year later ex was held up and shot at an ATM machine at 11:30 at night. (He walked out of hospital next day)

About a year ago, ex was (again) screwing around with someone married or otherwise involved with someone. Their SO found out and told ex's boss and ex was asked to resign when they found incriminating evidence on his work laptop. He has been struggling financially ever since and works as a bartender at night to make ends meet. It took him almost a year to find another job and it pays almost half of what he was getting paid before he was asked to resign. We had little debt between us when we were married. I suspect that is not the case for him anymore though.

Even with all that though, I doubt he has suffered more than I have. But I will admit, that it makes me happy that life is not sunshine and roses for him either.

For some reason this morning my mother's cheating has been on my mind. So I can give you all a long term view of "karma". I don't believe in karma...just choices. What you cast out will return to you tenfold, good or bad depending on your choices.

Apparently mom cheated through much of her 10yr M to my dad. On we it hone of his best friends, once with one of her best friends. Yes, a female. Until my sister let this info slip shortly after my d-day for 2A, I only knew about the final OM. Apparently so did my dad. In talking to him I found out he didn't know about the others either. The info helped him make sense of the M.

So mom left dad for the final OM (a BH in a previous M). For the OM, he reaped ah the sowed. He was first a BH, then an OM and when he M my mom he became a BH again. Just like in his first M, my mom cheated on him. Just like he wasn't sure he was the father of his first two kids, paternity of his kids with my mom was questioned. He became a cheater who M a cheater and I have no sympathy for his BH status.

As for my mom, she continued making poor choices. She D the OM after 10+ yrs of M. I wasn't living with her then, having chosen my dad, but apparently she thought she found better. What she found was a lifetime alone. She's been known to go online and pretend to be in her 20s so she has company. Online relationships. She never bothered supporting herself and so was evicted from any place she rented. This meant of course that all our childhood mementoes have been lost as the landlords apparently padlock her out and won't let her get anything but the bare minimum if she doesn't pay.

She did move to the state my dad and siblings live in, but dad refused to have anything to do with her. She wanted to R...keep in mind this is 20urs after the D. After all, he had become the man she always wanted unfortunately for her, the man she always wanted was too sober to give her the time of day.

So she moved across the country to live with her now widowed BFF and mooch off of her. The BFF died and once everyone in that state that she knew cottoned to her mooching MO, she decided to move back to the state my family is in. Most of them have the bare minimum contact. My niece hated that mom came to her graduation, my brother only allows her to visit the youngest grand baby on holidays. My dad still refuses to have anything to do with her even though he's single.

He just bought a nice house, perfect for him and his hobbies...lots of workroom space and a jacuzzi for those cold winter mornings/evenings. He's active in his retirement, has lots of friends and even his step kids are in contact with him.

Mom is renting a place. She shares it with my sister and her BF and her BF's 3-4 grown kids. Oh, the BF is also mom's nephew. Yeah, my sister is a WW who left her BH for her own cousin. This picky sister of mine, who at one point couldn't stand my mom, has to live with her and stinky, messy young adults (I think one is still a teen). My sister, who made people take off their shoes at the door is living with a woman who would leave every dish dirty in the sink while cockroaches wandered the countertop. Sis had a BH that would clean the litter box daily and now she's living with mom, a woman who had 4 cats and as far as we could tell, no litter boxes.

Continuing poor choices all around. I can't think of a worse thing than to have to live with my sister OR my mom. Forget both. This woman that cheated so she'd never be alone while her military husbands were gone has now been devoid of male company for decades.

^^Holly-Isis, Wow.

Karma kicked my STBXH in the but on D-Day. He had started hooking up with people on Craig's List. He also had an on-again/off-again affair with my BFF. When XBFF broke it off with him, he trolled CL for a new AP. This one was 15 years old, and told him so in an email. The first time he goes to meet her in RL, he's greeted by the police. THAT's how I found out he was cheating.

STBXH was released 'pending further investigation', but the cops have THREE YEARS to bring charges. Even his criminal lawyer thinks they will eventually arrest him, they're just waiting for STBXH to screw up again so they can press for multiple counts.

Within two weeks of D-Day, I threw STBXH out of the house. One month later he was served with divorce papers. I hope they arrest him 2 years and 11 months after D-Day so I can collect as much CS/SS from him as possible, because he WILL lose his job. When that day comes, I will also file for sole legal custody of DKs, and no judge will deny me.

Call it Karma, or the results of his own stupid decisions. But Revenge is a dish best served cold!

Here is the latest on xh. Graduation for our daughter from college yesterday. The speech given at the graduation was about failure and the way you deal with it after and how you grow from failure. He had to sit through that speech knowing I heard it, our daughter heard it and his ho of a mother heard it. I didn't once acknowledged him and he is no longer good looking anymore. He is beyond grey, looks puffy, and just looks like any middle aged man. He is also in the middle of the country and any competition for women are a bunch of younger men.

Being the NPD he is, he probably was thinking he failed and I refused to take what scraps he threw at me. I know he doesn't have anyone as he text me a few weeks back saying we should have worked things out and always. Always? The only always I know if with him is that he will always make me pay for divorcing and rejecting him.

I don't really believe in karma either but what the hell...here's what ex-shat's choices have gotten him:

A now 22 year old barely literate stripper whore. Who can't be a stripper whore on the premium shift anymore because their OC had to be born by C-section. OC was named by stripper whore after her favorite hill-billy TV character. Ex-shat had no clue of the significance of the name until someone amusedly explained his daughter's namesake.

He inherited all her crazy menagerie of animals plus brought in the dog he stole from me (the wrong dog, mind you...he ended up with the one that is higher maintenance, chews when bored, and runs over anyone he senses is less than alpha).

She's playing stay at home wifey for him and he's supporting her spending. Except when they have epic, dramatic break-ups where he kicks her and the OC out and changes the locks on her ass!

The menagerie was evicted from their apt this fall.

They both have some form of prescription and illegal drug habits. He's a shade from being an alchoholic.

I have strong suspicions though no official confirmation, that he has been either suspended or fired from his job for drugs/alchohol use most likely on the job. If that's true and I can use it to reduce/suspend his visitation, his world is about to get a whole lot worse.

His life is pathetic. It's not happy. It's wrong choice after wrong choice.

My life, after going through a lot of pain, suffering, and healing, is wonderful. I'm having so much fun and loving my time with my child. I'm loving being in control of what I do. And although I sometimes still find myself having trouble detaching and getting that idiot out of my head...I feel like I'm getting closer to indifference.

And when it finally sinks into his thick skull that I don't give a shit about him anymore...that will be the sweetest 'fuck you' I can give that moron. And the irony is that I won't even care enough to enjoy it.

since XH married the OW, he's blasted through all the money he received from the settlement (in a record two years), hasn't been able to hold a job (just got fired from his last one for being drunk on the job), in debt up to his eyeballs (what did I always say about never spending expected money until it's in your bank account?)and is now scrambling to make ends meet.

Hmmmm, maybe I wasn't the problem......

Hmmmm, maybe I wasn't the problem......

you think???

Though you were so controlling when you were trying to keep him from going into debt. You meanie you!

The Karma that has been visited on my XWH does not make me happy. It makes me sad. He had EVERYTHING and threw it all away for an 8 month A with a much younger co-worker.

He lost the respect of friends, family, and most important, our sons. He has wandered from relationship to relationship (even another marriage that lasted less than a year).

He has tried to get back with me at least 4 times and come to me with his problems more than that. I just pat him on the head (figuratively) and tell him to figure it out.

I have suggested IC more than once, but he doesn't think it will help because he lied his way through MC after the first Dday when I thought we were in R (which turned out to be false). DUH - you have to be honest in IC if you really want it to work.

As he ages I see him becoming more and more like his recluse mother (who is hateful, has no friends, and is so difficult to be around). His sons have very little to do with him and they used to put him on a pedestal. The whole thing is sad.

NL

I love karma stories. I am hoping someday to not even care if it hits them. But right now, at this moment, I want the karma bus to run them over, back up and do it again just to make sure it hit all the right parts. Sometimes when I am hysterically crying I invent funny karma stories on my head for them and then I eventually start laughing. One thing that did happen before the A that I relive over and over is OW (ex friend) walking into the bar/restaurant we were celebrating my birthday at and slipping and falling right on her ass in front of everyone. I had to look away so she wouldn't see I was crying Bc I was laughing so hard. Sadly the scenarios I make up in my head are a lot less mild. Someone tell me the secret of getting to indifference if you know it.

I'm just starting to find out what happened after I left.

I've heard that his office hated him so much that he had to transfer from his coveted job in a division that would have allowed him a lot of upward mobility ($-wise and professionally) into a different part of the business that is pretty limited (in terms of the ladder he can climb) and something I know he didn't want.

Evidently he has been completely and surgically erased from the office archives and online presence now. And his arch-enemy has been promoted to the position he wanted.

He also moved out of our nice, new apartment into a pretty crappy one in another town. That probably doesn't bother him, though, to be honest. However, it symbolizes that he's lost that extra help from me and my family on the rent and his student loans (which are massive).

I've also heard that he's been posting photos of himself with OW's child-- but never her-- while keeping up all of the photos of me and our dog. Strange.

Anyway, as I've said before, I'm not sure it's karma when they don't see it. Revenge or karmic satisfaction only seem useful to me if they recognize loss and they suffer from it. Save some overtures about not being able to look at himself in the mirror and/or packing up my things being the "saddest" day of his life-- I didn't really see a whole hell of a lot of suffering from him after I left.

That said, I do think I believe in karma. But I think it can take a long time, and I think it can take many forms. I think you put energy into the world around you and into the people in your life and that can cause a certain chain reaction in your life. I can't imagine that having devastated me and our friends and our family to this extent doesn't cause some ripple effects that will come back to him in some form. And if whatever happens to him is even half as painful as what I've gone through because of this, it will floor him.

But, for now, he's lost a lot of good people in his life and a lot of friends. He lost in me and my family people who loved him unconditionally and would have done anything for him. He lost his good guy persona. He lost some measure of professional status. And, at the very least, because we're in the same field, he'll think twice before talking to some people and attending some events.

And I continue to work on the best revenge: doing well and surviving. It's not easy, though!

((hugs))

The "karma" that I see so far is a double-edged sword. My kids are becoming more and more resistant to visiting their dad. I can't tell you how long ago it was when they actually seemed excited to see him. Now, all they talk about is how boring it is, how the stepsiblings are annoying, and how much they miss me. Frankly, I don't provide some kind of Disney Candy Land Unicorn Fantasy World at my house; it's mostly routine homework/chores/dinner/shower/bedtime peppered with a little fun here and there. That tells me that whatever "quality" time they spend over there sucks, and he is losing them bit by bit, every day.

What isn't so satisfying about that, though, is how it also hurts my kids. I grew up with a great dad who was (and is) the rock of my family. He never let me down, and I knew he'd always be there for me. My kids will never have that, which is really disappointing, so I just keep encouraging them about the visits, telling them how their dad loves them and how they'd miss him if they never saw him, etc. Honestly, I don't know how much of that is true, but at the end of the day, at least I'll know that I did my best to keep my kids connected to their dad.

I honestly don't care what happens to him anymore. He's a huge disappointment to probably everyone but mostly himself. He lives with his daily dose of karma-- he'll never truly be happy. I don't see how you can ever have a good life if that's your perspective.